Don't remember ever getting really angry Anyone else relate?
-
- Posts: 11
- Joined: Tue Jun 21, 2011 9:21 am
Don't remember ever getting really angry Anyone else relate?
Hello all,
I am doing so well, sailing along thru Lesson 5, however, Lesson 6 feels "foreign" to me.
As a child growing up I was never allowed to express anger. My folks hollered and fought alot and both were aggressive, especially my mom, who I'm forgiving for a rough childhood, I've learned to start livin in the present, not the past anymore.
How does one know whether or not they are harboring repressed anger, and if so, how do I make peace with these feelings?
I, too have alot of neck and shoulder tension often, and sometimes sensitive digestion. Anyone relate to this?
Many thanks,
Patti
I am doing so well, sailing along thru Lesson 5, however, Lesson 6 feels "foreign" to me.
As a child growing up I was never allowed to express anger. My folks hollered and fought alot and both were aggressive, especially my mom, who I'm forgiving for a rough childhood, I've learned to start livin in the present, not the past anymore.
How does one know whether or not they are harboring repressed anger, and if so, how do I make peace with these feelings?
I, too have alot of neck and shoulder tension often, and sometimes sensitive digestion. Anyone relate to this?
Many thanks,
Patti
Re: Don't remember ever getting really angry Anyone else rel
Hey Patti, I also used to NEVER get mad. But when I was a young adult in college I felt ALOT of anxiety. With some therapy I started to realize that my headaches, stomach aches and anxiety were probably due to repressed feelings (like anger). As a child my parents fought alot and often vented their anger at each other on me. I was never allowed to complain about that or really express disappointment or frustration about anything. And I grew up with alcoholic parents so there was alot to feel frustrated about. If I dared express any emotion they didn't like I could be in danger of either verbal or physical abuse. I think alot of my current anxiety is related to repressed feelings, like anger, sadness, and guilt. I can feel guilty about all sorts of things that I really need not feel guilty about (like asserting myself). No doubt you have anger but don't feel comfortable with it yet. When you feel comfortable, you will express it. Fortunately I have a husband who has let me vent my anger without retaliating. That has allowed me to feel safe expressing it and I'm getting better at it now. My goal today is to get better at expressing anger appropriately at all times. Best of luck. joanie
-
- Posts: 66
- Joined: Wed Jun 01, 2011 2:41 pm
Re: Don't remember ever getting really angry Anyone else rel
Hi Patti: In response to your question about repressed anger, I have found that every time I over-react to a person's behaviour it is because of repressed anger towards someone who they remind me of in the past. I have huge issues with controlling, manipulative, domineering women because of my mother's behaviour. So when I am triggered by someone I have to go back to the past and forgive my mother once again, seventy times seven. She is still alive at 92 and she is my greatest teacher for sure. The scary thought is that I could and can be like her. Oh no, please not that!!!!!!!!!!!!! I went to a therapist one time when I was going through a huge difficulty with my daughter, paid $150.00 for 50 minutes for her to end up telling me I was doing to my daughter exactly what my mother did to me. I could barely drive home for the tears. Blessings from bunny.
-
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Tue Jul 12, 2011 12:30 pm
Re: Don't remember ever getting really angry Anyone else rel
Hello, Pattie: I definitely can relate to some of what you're experiencing. I was raised by a dominate parent (mom) and I didn't dare cross her for any reason what-so-ever. I spent most of my childhood trying to please her and most of my adulthood trying to please my peers. The result is that I have a lot of repressed anger that sometimes erupts at the most inappropriate times. I don't know if you read my post just below yours but that is a classic example of what I'm talking about. The "funny" thing is that now that my mother is almost 90 and relies on my almost totally, I have really mixed feelings about her. Oh well...
Reginald
Reginald
-
- Posts: 11
- Joined: Tue Jun 21, 2011 9:21 am
Re: Don't remember ever getting really angry Anyone else rel
Hello Joanie, Reginald & Bunny,
I thank all of you for your responses, I am so grateful these days for this course and that I can write to you all online.
I can relate very well to the controlling, manipulative and verbally abusive parent. She certainly did teach me alot and I have one wonderful and beautiful daughter and one great son, whom I love dearly and I vowed to myself that when I become a Mom that I would treat my child with respect, love and tenderness and kindness. My Mom, having her own emotional early childhood issues, taught me a tremendous lesson that I now relay to my kids and grandkids, too. Love is all.
Forgiveness is the key!
All the best,
Patti
I thank all of you for your responses, I am so grateful these days for this course and that I can write to you all online.
I can relate very well to the controlling, manipulative and verbally abusive parent. She certainly did teach me alot and I have one wonderful and beautiful daughter and one great son, whom I love dearly and I vowed to myself that when I become a Mom that I would treat my child with respect, love and tenderness and kindness. My Mom, having her own emotional early childhood issues, taught me a tremendous lesson that I now relay to my kids and grandkids, too. Love is all.
Forgiveness is the key!
All the best,
Patti
-
- Posts: 1778
- Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm
Re: Don't remember ever getting really angry Anyone else rel
Wow, this is a good post. I had an angry Mother as well. I really wasn't able to express myself. I would get slapped if I "talked back" which was more commenting on the hurting comment she made to me. Now my anxiety comes because I am expressing a lot of anger that has been suppressed. My husband has been the one that has been able to express his anger and I always would try to remain calm around him. But I just can't do it anymore and my 20 year old son has some pent up anger as well. So it really isn't very fun at my house right now and I feel picked on if I express my feelings about anything.
My daughter has no problem expressing her opinions or anger and is quite mouthy at 30 years old. She has some emotional issues and is very dramatic about things. So it bothers all of her siblings and in laws.
So I'm coming out of a depression and feeling my feelings and expressing them. One Psychologist was really good at it and the one I see now isn't helping me in the same way, so I'm back off on seeing him as often. He always wants my husband to come, but then DH gets upset with the things I say and his response just puts me on edge. You just can't fix things in 55 minutes or less, and some things I just need to work on by myself with my own timing. Paislee
My daughter has no problem expressing her opinions or anger and is quite mouthy at 30 years old. She has some emotional issues and is very dramatic about things. So it bothers all of her siblings and in laws.
So I'm coming out of a depression and feeling my feelings and expressing them. One Psychologist was really good at it and the one I see now isn't helping me in the same way, so I'm back off on seeing him as often. He always wants my husband to come, but then DH gets upset with the things I say and his response just puts me on edge. You just can't fix things in 55 minutes or less, and some things I just need to work on by myself with my own timing. Paislee
-
- Posts: 66
- Joined: Wed Jun 01, 2011 2:41 pm
Re: Don't remember ever getting really angry Anyone else rel
Hi Everyone: I'd like to jump in and talk about my suppressed anger towards my sister that I have been dealing with through her dying process and now her death. When I visited her on her deathbed last January she had wanted me to tell her why I had no contact with her for 12 years. So I wrote a three page letter and read it to her of all I went through those 12 years. I lived in fear of her explosive temper. She abused me 2 1/2 years over my answering machine. I got call block and she found a way to phone from a different phone or from a switchboard in the hospital. Every time the phone would ring my heart would jump to my throat. My father said "Don't let it bother you. Forgive and forget. We want you to sign these papers to be in charge of her finances when we die". I told him I have no relationship with her. My sister hated me. She was jealous. I was normal and she was born with a collapsed lung which led to cerebral palsy. I told her "I have a scream too." She couldn't talk when she was dying of cancer due to her massive brain tumour. My last visit with her she was screaming making no sound. I didn't know how to say goodbye. I loved her. I never wanted her disabled. Blessings from Bunny
Re: Don't remember ever getting really angry Anyone else rel
WOW. thank you for this post. I am going through the exact same thing! I didn't realize so many of us had 'not-so wonderful' Mothers. I find comfort in knowing I am not alone. I find people in my life who do have great mothers, cannot relate to this at all. Thank you again.bunny rabbit wrote: I have found that every time I over-react to a person's behaviour it is because of repressed anger towards someone who they remind me of in the past. I have huge issues with controlling, manipulative, domineering women because of my mother's behaviour. So when I am triggered by someone I have to go back to the past and forgive my mother once again,
Re: Don't remember ever getting really angry Anyone else rel
I don't feel like I experience anger either.
But lately I have been experiencing: frustration, irritation, agitation, and being "pissed off".
I told my psychiatrist about it and I got a second anxiety pill that I take each day.
It is a low dose, but I have to admit that it worked for me.
When I am experiencing the above feelings I try to "problem solve" to figure out
why I am having the feelings. Sometimes I can figure it out. And other times there
is just no specific reason I am feeling that way, so I just have to move on and not
"analyze" it any longer.
My "anger" seems to be targeted at the health care industry.
It all starts with my new health insurance company and all of the things that I did
not know about when I signed up with their company. Now it is 5 months into the
year of 2014 and I am still finding out more and more things about their health
insurance coverage that I don't like. There are constant problems with them
and I am constantly calling them on the phone about issues that are not my
fault but that I have to try to resolve. I am sick of doing other peoples jobs for
them. There are problems with "networks" and doctors and "coverage gaps"
and co-pays and billings and prescriptions. I think my blood pressure is
rising now !
Oops, I guess I HAVE experienced anger before !
Lynda Lu
But lately I have been experiencing: frustration, irritation, agitation, and being "pissed off".
I told my psychiatrist about it and I got a second anxiety pill that I take each day.
It is a low dose, but I have to admit that it worked for me.
When I am experiencing the above feelings I try to "problem solve" to figure out
why I am having the feelings. Sometimes I can figure it out. And other times there
is just no specific reason I am feeling that way, so I just have to move on and not
"analyze" it any longer.
My "anger" seems to be targeted at the health care industry.
It all starts with my new health insurance company and all of the things that I did
not know about when I signed up with their company. Now it is 5 months into the
year of 2014 and I am still finding out more and more things about their health
insurance coverage that I don't like. There are constant problems with them
and I am constantly calling them on the phone about issues that are not my
fault but that I have to try to resolve. I am sick of doing other peoples jobs for
them. There are problems with "networks" and doctors and "coverage gaps"
and co-pays and billings and prescriptions. I think my blood pressure is
rising now !
Oops, I guess I HAVE experienced anger before !
Lynda Lu