When is enough...enough?

[Jenn29]

Hello All,

Jenn here. I am up late trying to talk myself out of a full blown panic attack (which I fear I am already pretty much there). It has been about a month since my last full blown attack (a HUGE victory for me) but I would feel terrible to know that after how far I have come...BAM...here is another one.

That being said I am trying to use my skills and talk myself out of this. There are several reasons for this anxiety right now...

1. My husband is out of town for the night for work
2. I had some alcohol tonight which I knew I shouldn't have had
3. I have my first ever business trip coming up that requires me getting on a plane a few different times (which I am never normally afraid of), staying at hotels alone and going to very important meetings in a strange city!

Not to mention the normal stress of my job and making sure everything is prepared for my absence at the office next week. So in a way I am using that skill we learned of "of course I am nervous!! This is all overwhelming and there is a lot going on."

That being said, it is not really working for me at the moment. I am still alone in bed with body parts are going numb and that sick to my stomach feeling is creeping in. It feels like pins and needles are pricking my shoulders and neck and closing in on my throat.

This is the very close warning sign of you are about to freak out. And maybe I shouldn't try to fight it? Maybe I just let it happen and use my skills through the panic. But I just don't think I can take going through another one. Not another one...

Especially since I am six weeks into this program and I feel like most people have rid themselves of panic for good at this point. Not to mention, if this one turns into a full blown convulsing, shaking, crying, tingling, numbing, IBS, nauseous, vomiting, wishing I was dead feeling panic attack like they are at my worst...I will just fear when the next one will come and start this cycle all over again.

Starting this vicious cycle is the LAST thing I need before this big trip. I am at a loss of what to do other than TRY my very hardest to continue using the steps I can and praying that God gets me through not only this night, but the next week of traveling.

It would help so much if someone happened to be in the chat room right now to help me talk it out and get through it. Talking to myself via this post is at least keeping my mind busy, but it helps to know there is someone on the other side of this screen that understands. I just feel like no one ever really gets on this chat room anymore.

It would be amazing if they had experienced staff taking shifts that made themselves available to at least sit in the room for a while just in case anyone was having a bad night. I think that would make all the difference in the world not just to me but to the other people that have purchased this program. Just to know someone is there in case!

I realize we are supposed to be our own safety person, and trust me I am working on that because it is not a concept I grasp easily. Even having to learn that concept is such an isolating and depressing experience for me. But it would really help having a "just in case" back up here.

I hope everyone else is sleeping peacefully and having a good night. I pray a lot for everyone suffering from these same disorders and these same crippling (at times) symptoms to find comfort and joy and peace. I can only hope that I can have some friends in fear that will read this post and do the same for me.

I accept prayers, good thoughts, positive vibes sent my way...anything! Whatever you believe in I could use some well wishes, prayers and good thoughts as I try to lay back down now and get some much needed rest without getting sick or freaking out for the rest of the night...not to mention some luck on my upcoming trip!

Thanks for listening (reading). It does help somewhat to at least get this all down. I am still not out of the woods, but I stay positive I will be soon!!!!!!!!!!!

Many thanks to all and I hope you have a wonderful rest of the week and holiday weekend!!!

Jenn

[bob p]

hey jenn i do know how you feel. i mean i have done the program a number of times and i still struggle sometimes. its ok. the more you fear having another attack the worse it will seem. try this. keep asking for more panic attacks. even when you think you might be close to having one. grab all that deep down strength that i know you have and ask for the scariest panic ever. this works for me. it was difficult at first but once i started to realize that even though i am scared to death to have the feelings and thoughts, i have been through this before plenty of times and nothing has happened and even if something did happen it absolutely does not mean it is going to happen again. trust yourself. even though i dont know you i trust you. you can do it.

[Jenn29]

Thanks for the advice Bob! I am up in DC and so far I have only had one mini panic attack. I hope you are well and I will continue to dig down deep and hopefully I can surprise myself with my strength. Thanks again!

[Paisleegreen]

Hi Jenn--I hope you are doing well. Since you just might be asleep right now! I understand that anticipatory anxiety. What helped me through a bad spell just recently was playing the piano and then singing while I played. This really made a difference, caused me to breathe right and concentrate on something else instead of my anxious thoughts into the future. There was noone I could call that I felt comfortable talking about the issue I was struggling with at the time.

I know what a full blown panic attack is like and I'm so glad that a year ago in July was my last one. I do get anxious feelings and all the icky feelings that anxiety brings on. But I'm off of my anti-depressants, so I'm guess I'm doing pretty good considering.

Maybe you don't play an instrument, but maybe something else you could do to help with your panicky feelings when they come back. Just something else that would distract and cause you to breathe slowly. Anyway, I'm thinking of you and hope all goes well on your trip. Paislee