Trying to stay positive

[Flowerbud21]

The session about being assertive and angry helped me realize that I get too emotionally affected by what others think of me. It bothers me that people feel the need to give their opinion when no one asked them. I'm trying to stay positive about it but I'm sensitive and it kind of hurts my feelings when someone mentions they don't like my outfit, my hair, criticize me, etc. It makes me feel the way I did when my mother and family members judged me and put me down just for their own amusement. I'm tired of allowing people's opinion to hit me to the core. Please I need some advice. What are some things I can say to be assertive and let people know that I don't appreciate their negative comments?

[tbabystroup]

I would love to be able to share some brilliant epiphany with you on this topic... but I have the same problem! I was super poor as a child and I endured years of taunting in elementary & junior high school, right up until I turned to anger to "solve" my problem... beating kids up ended the taunting in school, but it sure wasn't the right thing to do, and now as a grown up I know i can't go around beating up the people who make me mad! To this day if a family member, friend or boyfriend makes a joke at my expense or says something criticizing about me it's like a flash back to the younger years and little off the wall comments hurt and infuriate me... Just like you I can't seem to just let these go...
Anyway, when I started lession 3 I had a really hard time with changing my negative thoughts to positive ones... but I kept working on it, and I think I'm finally making progress... maybe we just need to work really hard on not letting so much bother us... we can do it, it's just gonna take some work!! Sorry I couldn't help but I just wanted you to know you are not alone! Good Luck!!

[Flowerbud21]

Thanks so much for sharing. It's difficult to share the past let alone with a total stranger so I appreciate it! I'm leArning thAt i just have to be compassionate and patient with myself. In time, I wont feel like I have so much to lose and will be able to feel secure enough to not let it affect me. Thanks again and I wish you the best! You were a great help!

[mramirez10]

I too am sensitive to others critisim and rude jokes. I am learning to be less affected. I think what helps is replacing those negative thoughts with positives. Then that builds your self asteem and what others say doesn't bother you so much. Look at it as thier problem not yours. Also something really hard for me is being assertive, but I'm taking the challenge on session 7 and telling the people head on that I don't appreciate it. There is a perfect example on session 7 cd of what we can do if someone is being rude to us. This is something that takes practice. We have to be patient with ourselves. Also I don't think it is bad to come back later with a come back if you don't think of it at the moment, or need a time out. As long as you speak up for your self it doesn't matter when it is.

[darlingirl]

It's great to read this old post! I too have been struggling with people in my family picking on things to
change about me. Well meaning, but it hurts. There are so many negative things in life, including my own low self-esteem, that I don't need negative things like that especially from my family! I am trying to make it my life mission to only speak good of my family unless needed and then it can be done gently or in love.