BUILDING A BETTER LIFE (BBL)... Session 6

[Karen L]

congrats Paislee and Livelife!! you both are doing great

[THH]

Hello everyone.
I have been busy, I guess that is a good thing! Life has been coming at me fast and over all I am doing well. I felt some anxiety the last few days, little light headed and just stress. My husband had some minor surgery, we both had eye appts. business stuff and family stuff too. A nice mix! LOL.... Everything is working out okay just having to stay in the moment and think about things later! Ha.
Livelife,
Sorry to hear someone broke into your car! What a violation!!! That happened to me years ago and it creeped me out that someone was in my space and I didn't know who??? Hope your dealing well with that!

Paislee, Sorry to hear about your FIL. That is going to be tough. I like the idea of you getting a hotel. That way you have a place to go and regroup if you want. Your own private place. If your like me, I need that and also, the reunion might get boring and you can go sit by the pool or eat some good food in your room!!! Sounds good to me.
I passed on seeing the display as well. It came to our area and friends all went. Naaahhh. I'll pass.
Also don't forget if it feels too much with your company coming you can offer them a motel room where they can accommodate wheel chairs ect... What ever you feel most comfort from. It is good of you to use that as a motivator to fix up your scrap book room too! Good job!

I also have gotten a chance to actually mow my lawn. Also make it look nice as it has dried out enough not to make mud tracks! Whew...I was starting to wonder????
It is hard not making other peoples problems yours, I have to constantly work on that myself. My sister had to put her 14 yr. old dog to sleep. Boy that stirred up all kinds of emotional energy in me. I felt her pain all over again, for my losses even though its been years ago. It was her first.
She has a new puppy on order, she is only 2 weeks old. I'll be so happy for her when she gets her. Life does go on ...

Mike!
Hey nice to hear from you!!!! Good insight on why we distort our thinking. I agree that is not a bad thing, but the important thing is to first recognize it, and try to figure out the best way though it.
Yes we have to be ready to let go of the pain that others may cause us. We have the lock and we have the keys. Its very much like grief. When do we let go and move forward?
Glad your dropping in! Hope your doing well.

[Paisleegreen]

Thanks, THH for your comments, I was beginning to feel like I should stay at my FIL's house, but I envisioned the condition it is in, the bad plumbing, the shower might be working or not. DH thinks it is working fine, but he doesn't pay attention to those kinds of details. He knows the toilet needs replacing. I just don't need the stress of being at my FIL's house which was built in the 1930's. And hasn't had a woman's touch to it for 10 years! Just a little bit of cleaning up by the two sister in laws. But they can't do all of it...one would be happy to see it burn down. Problem solved, although there is no fire insurance on it. So I wouldn't want to be that hasty in wishing that fate. And it has historical value and I'm hoping that we are able to get anything of value out of it before any damage like that were to happen.

One thing about this house is the bathroom was the talk of the town when it was built, beautiful tile and the neatest bathtub, deep and long. It just has had hard water beat it up to death along with lots of usage. If it could be repainted, it is good to go as far as I'm concerned. The basement bathtub is getting water leaked into it daily that my FIL doesn't know about nor could he handle it. And it never was good to use when we replaced the original one due to bad plumbing. The tub wouldn't drain while one is taking a shower. So it hasn't been used for over 30 years.

I like the idea of the hotel room and access to a pool and hot tub as well. Definitely would help with anxiety as we also have gotten a ticket for a sister in law out of state to fly in and travel with us to FIL's house. I don't know where she is going to stay, maybe she will stay at her one of her sister's house and in their camper. We have in the past reserved several rooms at a motel for DH's siblings through the Internet. Problem with that is that we don't always know what hotel/motel we are going to get. So I guess we'll see who all is going within my family and see which ones are staying at Grandpa's. I just can't share a small room with DH and his snoring. I did that two reunions ago and it was not good.

Thanks for the suggestion about my company coming. I do have my son's place who lives down the street from us. They just recently moved a guest bed upstairs for DDiL's parents. So if push comes to shove, my Granddaughter can sleep at our house and my handicapped niece can sleep in her twin bed. Which is right next door to the guest room. My sister was concerned about sleeping far from their handicapped daughter because they couldn't hear her.

I'm surprised that they want to stay with us vs a hotel. I enjoyed their company last year and I guess they feel more comfortable being at a relatives home. They have money...but I think this frees up my Bro in Law to visit his relatives and we can entertain my niece and my sister while he goes on errands. This is my eldest sister who is getting Alzheimer's or something like it. She is taking medication for it, but it was disturbing last year to see the change in her.

I'm sorry about your sister and her losing her dog, that has got to be hard. I'm glad she has already got a new puppy coming. I would like to get a new puppy, but I don't feel that I'm ready for it yet. It would take more work now that my children are grown and I'm older and have muscle aches. I want to be sure my house is cleared up of clutter as well as my yard. So this is occupying my time and my anxiety. If I can keep on working on anxiety issues along with family issues and inanimate objects, I should be in a good place to welcome a new furry family member.

I hope your husband is doing well... I'm glad you will be able to mow your lawn soon! Rain sure can make things harder than they need to be. And yet when we don't have rain, it sure can cause problems!
Thanks for all your wisdom and support! You've made my day! Paislee

[Paisleegreen]

Thanks, Karen L!

[livelife]

congrats Paislee and Livelife!! you both are doing great

thank you

[THH]

Paislee,
It really is ok not to stay in your FIL house. Especially if you have the funds to stay in a hotel. You know, I spoke of my husband having this big family, 7 bros 1 sister. They all live in the city and when many of them come to our state only a couple poor bachelors actually stay at our house when in town. In the beginning I took offense to it. I picked apart my life and put it all down and felt unworthy for years! Now I don't! It is great freedom not to worry about it, my dogs, hair, fussing our them extending hospitality, my home is 100 yrs old too. Not many electric sockets, old septic system on and on. I am done beating myself up. This is me. I am clean, comfortable in my home, we live here. So I unplug one thing for another big deal! Its ours, and almost paid for. Why do I want to empress? So when they go to their room at the inn, whahooo! I can sleep in my own space wearing what I always wear! Its great.
I had to visit some family where we had to stay in a hotel. I do terrible at others houses. I'm actually better in my own place. The hotel seams more neutral for me. I can actually sleep better there then another house. We always enjoy the pool or hot tubs and it seams more like a vacation then a stay at the family place.
Oh and I also just made plans to stay at a certain place, and other family ask where we were staying and I told them. Everyone is responsible for their own reservations. Be careful not to take everyone's responsibility over for them. It happens that fast. They will get used to it...LOL...

You are wise getting your things in order before bringing a puppy home with you. I worried some for my sister with this as well. But I am not in control of the universe....remember??? ( that is for me)
It is not fair to the new puppy when one is not ready for the little tike. We don't have to have animals. We want to enrich our lives and have company with them. The day will come for you and you will actually enjoy all phases of puppy-hood then.
My husband is doing well, he had a fatty tumor taken off his shoulder. He has stitches and tape over it and a couple day we can take the tape off. He has been working. We are getting daily rain storms it is concerning as crops are not planted. Corn probably will not get in. Expect food prices to soar due to this amount of rain. We broke records in April and approaching one for May. We are just glad it is not snow! LOL...
Have a nice evening!

[Paisleegreen]

HI THH--So sorry to hear about the rain, it seems to be happening everywhere! Where I live, we are having rain and cold weather and people can't get their gardens planted. Plus the weather isn't warm for a Memorial Day Weekend, but it never has been known to be. Just not expected to be rainy and colder than usual. I've always when my kids were younger and a certain hot springs was open in the mountains, that is where I took my kids. Because it was going to a nice warm pool, smell like pine trees and have flush toilets. All the amenities of a resort, but with out the cost and less than an hour's drive away. Plus not very crowded at all.

Then the owners sold it and the new people kept it to themselves. So we really missed it. But now we hear they are reopening it after 20 years or less, but our city has doubled in population so going there won't have the same feel, and I don't have little children either. LOL! Plus I'm not as poor either. So it all works out. I'll let the younger generation work out their recreation. See...how we are...worried about what other people will miss...and yet they have no clue!

I guess that is my sensitive nature...or the word now is G.A.D. to become hypersensitive to things like this. Funny thing, I went to a nephew's graduation party at some neighborhood's Clubhouse w/ pool (the pool wasn't open yet) and it was on the far eastern part of the cities where I live. I decided after to take the old route home, only to discover that a lot of changes had happened to the city that I only heard about due to the TV news, but haven't experienced. Old roads were closed, new large and spacious ones built, new subdivisions, trees and landscaping planted that now block the view of the foothills, everything changed to handle the increase in population and enterprise!

This was a bit upsetting to me, but not like it was last year when I traveled out of state to San Francisco and saw all the changes there! I just had to let go of what use to be and appreciate the fact that things CHANGE! Our children grow up and then they have children and they need houses and jobs and so that is how America was built. Companies go where they can grow and people go where the jobs are and then they have to have a place to live. It is all a part of life!

I just had grown use to the slower pace of life when I got married and grew to love it and then when the busyness of life invades my space it really bothers me. There use to be 80 acres of prairie behind our house when we moved in. Now it is a subdivision with small lots. Which I blame the builders for being greedy...anyway, I do have friends now that live in the new subdivisions, but I sometimes long for the less busy roads we use to have and friendlier people. Of course, I long for a lot of things to be different, but that is what life is all about, right?

I like your thinking, it is nice that you can just enjoy your house and your company stay where they are comfortable.

I agree, you make a good point on how the hotel is neutral. I better get up to par on the hotel thing and not let DH do Priceline. This is where we get a good deal, but you don't know what you are going to get. And right now I don't want to be adventuresome. I want to get the hotel/motel that has the indoor pool and hottub that is working! I don't want surprises.
I've had a few surprises...where they say they have a pool , but it isn't open for the season yet, or the jacuzzi is in a salon, not a public place...and so forth. The reunion is coming up fast.

I'm glad to hear that your husband is doing better and hopefully, you'll be able to get the crops planted soon.

I agree with you and animals. They deserve to come to a home that is ready for them and get the attention they will need.
Things will slow down around here and I'll get more things in order and projects done that I hope life to be more simple.
Where I can just enjoy my pets and others without over concern about being busy due to me adding on unnecessary projects in my life. Have a good weekend! Paislee

[Karen L]

Im still here n alive
still having some anxiety n depression....also have been angry again with the whole situation with the ex....
really need to work on the self-talk and the irrational thinking.....
have a great Memorial Day everyone!!!

[VSypolt]

I am at the end of week six and am finding out quite a bit about how angry I am. As one of the workbook assignments has us do, looking behind my anger as well as what is truely causing my anxiety has been very insightful. Recenty, as I began going through my divorce I began to see myslef slip into a very bitter and overly frustrated mode, and although I acknowledge the fact that I am, and have a certain right to be angry, session six has taught me what hanging on to the anger can do to my perception of life. Its exhausting and fruitless. I am making a concisous effort each day to, if I find myself angry, take a moment to see why, then to respond in the most effective way possible, I then allow God to take the thoughts from me that keep me angry. I find that I am no longer surprised when the techniques and skills suggested in this program work, I am thankful and continue to move forward. While working this program I have learned to let go of any expectations other than, I am, as we all are, a work in progress, and I am finally learning to simply enjoy the ride.