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Paisleegreen · Post by **Paisleegreen** » Wed Nov 24, 2010 11:52 am

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NinjaFrodo · Post by **NinjaFrodo** » Thu Nov 25, 2010 11:24 am

I can understand your feeling upset. Your husband is going against what was discussed, he is disregarding how upset you are when it comes to having a stranger come in and look into your bathroom. It may be true that these people aren't going to care if your bedroom isn't up to par but you care and it bothers you and you deserve to have your feelings understood and considered. In my opinion your husband made a very selfish decision here!

This is a problem and left unresolved it can lead to tons of resentment! Keep in mind negative emotions in situations like this don't just, go away. You did say you tried to explain how you are feeling and that is great, you made an attempt! It didn't seem to have the desired outcome so maybe you need to look at what went wrong. I can help you with this but I need to how it went. What was said when you tried to explain how you were feeling?

Understandable that you'd get depressed from that. Your power was pretty much taken from you.

Mike

Paisleegreen · Post by **Paisleegreen** » Fri Nov 26, 2010 8:12 am

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karmatism · Post by **karmatism** » Sun Nov 28, 2010 8:35 am

It's interesting to see someone else struggling with this issue too. I feel like this a lot with my husband. Honestly though, now that I read it from your perspective instead of having my own personal emotions tied up in the situation, I can see what happens and how things get out of control.

I totally get why you are upset, but I can also see that it is very difficult for your husband to understand even if he wants to...and agreed to do things a certain way. I am starting to see why my own husband gets frustrated with me. To him this is probably not a big deal. He just wants to get it done. To him going to a therapist to outline a course of action, talking every point out together and having to check with you every step along the way is probably painstakingly slow and annoying. Now that I can flip the scenario in my head, I would feel that way too! Please don't take offense to this, I'm just sharing that I think I get what's going on. It's like the way we feel with ourselves and our own limitations, you know? Aren't you ever disgusted with yourself for what you can't do? I know I am! Imagine what someone who doesn't have our condition feels like trying to understand and deal with us! It would make me nuts trying to accomodate someone elses irrational fears all the time.

Your husband obviously loves you very much because he is taking the time to go to the therapist with you and talk with you, even if he's not perfect about it, he is trying. Give him some credit for that. Also, maybe you can use this as an opportunity to work on some of your limitations? I don't know if you are there yet though. I'm certainly not.

Something I deal with is that my husband is SUPER sociable. He knows people everywhere we go and wants to stop and chat and it makes me so nervous! I'm always turning down invitations and making excuses and I get really mad at myself because I should be better at talking with people. Then I get mad at him for being so nice and I resent that it comes so naturally to him. Then I get really upset when he keeps asking me to do things when he knows how I feel!

NinjaFrodo · Post by **NinjaFrodo** » Sun Nov 28, 2010 10:32 am

Well I hope things turn out better for you Paisleegreen. You deserve alot better than what you've gotten.

Mike

Paisleegreen · Post by **Paisleegreen** » Mon Nov 29, 2010 7:02 am

karmatism · Post by **karmatism** » Mon Nov 29, 2010 9:06 am

Sorry I must have misunderstood you situation. Oh my gosh, good luck with your newest situation!

Paisleegreen · Post by **Paisleegreen** » Tue Nov 30, 2010 9:59 am

Bob-o Bingo · Post by **Bob-o Bingo** » Mon Dec 27, 2010 2:21 am

Originally posted by NinjaFrodo:
I can understand your feeling upset. Your husband is going against what was discussed, he is disregarding how upset you are when it comes to having a stranger come in and look into your bathroom. It may be true that these people aren't going to care if your bedroom isn't up to par but you care and it bothers you and you deserve to have your feelings understood and considered. In my opinion your husband made a very selfish decision here!

BOB BUTTS IN: I don't know the exact details of the situation, but I do have an opinion from the other side. My business is property ownership and management. I own 36 apartments and four houses. I think I've seen everything possible in terms of disgusting situations!!! My tenants frequently need help with plumbing or mechanical issues and they call me for help. I do what I can, but if the repair is beyond my abilities I call in the pros.

The most common occurance involves a repair that cannot be made immediately, and the repairman (often it's me) just shows-up. I've walked in on so many disgusting bathrooms that they don't phase me any more--even though I know the people pretty well who live there, and I will be running into them frequently in the future. We're all human and we all should give each other the benefit of the doubt.

If I was a repairman who didn't even know the people I was working for, and wouldn't know them if I saw them in the future, and probably wouldn't seen them in the future anyway, I would be even less inclined to "diss" them for the condition of their bathroom. The professional repairmen see nasty stuff almost every week and they're paid well to deal with it. There is no foul intended and no foul given.

Lighten-up, people! Realize that men look at situations very differently than women. My wife and I constantly "discuss" situations where women need repairs, and how we should be more sensitive to their needs. I've even walked in on a woman who was taking a shower! I phoned ahead of time and got no answer... pounded on their door and got no response... Unlocked their apartment door, stuck my head in and shouted "Landlord, maintenance" and heard nothing.

And then, after all that, some lady gets very upset with me after I enter her apartment to do a repair she requested. Please... lighten-up people! How would you feel if the tables were turned? Things could have been better for you--but I'm pretty sure they could have been worse. Maybe we should all live by the Golden Rule (Luke 6:31). Blessings on your house!

Mike

Paisleegreen · Post by **Paisleegreen** » Mon Dec 27, 2010 2:04 pm

Hi Mike, repairman--I deleted as I was angry at my husband. Noone was commenting on it anymore and the issue was resolved. After discussion w/ my psychologist I had a guy come in a
make a bid for remodeling. My bedroom isn't in the order I would like it to be due to anxiety.

The rest of the house is fine. It was my anxiety and sensitive feelings toward my husband at the time that are the issue. They are being worked out, but more happened after that episode and my Dr is working w/ me getting through it. So things are much better and I decided I didn't need to post these feelings anymore. That's how well Ninja and others have helped me. Your posting is helpful also. Thanks. P.