The Challenge...Lesson 6

[Karen L]

I am on the road to recovery. I may get lost sometimes, but I am moving in the right direction. I am in control of my thoughts. Only I can change my life.

Hi everyone......been pretty busy here lately...feeling a lil bit better but the anxiety still seems to be a constant and a bit higher than I would like it to be....starting to get back to the stores and driving......am having to use the steps frequently to calm myself down....but at least I have avoided a panic attack

still have been just floating in my confusion, as life seems to be so unclear to me....but that's ok....it seems like I finally am open minded and can look at things in a realistic manner..especially the negative ways I talk to myself...slowly alot of things are coming together and starting to make sense

quickly read through the posts....

Mike

I have no idea what dreams mean....remember that they are only dreams, not reality, so dont give them too much value...great job with the thoiught replacement!!!

TTH

wow, I would have surrendered to the white coats if I was in your shoes lol...you are handling it all excellent!!!
I had to say I was laughing so hard reading about it....I could just imagine sitting there with you telling the story....I was dying when you were talking about making the calls and and being told to call the well driller lol.....please dont take that wrong...Im not laughing at you......it's just that I can sooooo relate to how I would feel in that situation.....you are just so funny and I thank God that you are hear sharing your life with us...you really do impact me in a very positive way

Hope

I know where your coming from...it can be very frustrating....hope you have a good Sunday!!

Lindalee

what an impressive experience you have had!! sounds like your working the program very well!! so many accomplishments!! hope you are praising yourself immensely for all you have done!!
it is very true, that to others we appear "worse" than before, but you are completely right that now we are actually expressing what we have only hid before....so we appear worse to them...but inside we are no longer harboring all these feelings.....this is the healthy road to gettting better....so that is actually very positive that your husband said that...I remember Lucinda saying that people may not "like" the change and the people we are becoming...you are growing and recovering!!! excellent!!!

btw, I did some browsing on the dating site about 2 weeks back....started talking to a man that really has my interest...been talking daily, and this is the first time I have been honest and just came out and shared some things about my anxiety...and guess what....he doesnt care and still wants to talk this may just be a good thing

have a great Sunday everyone!!

[NinjaFrodo]

mcshope;

Not sure what you mean by get your act together.

Lindalee;

Yay you came back. I have felt the exact same way for so many years! Its like I was there but just in body but didn't feel connected and felt that nobody cares, its really a crappy feeling.

Sounds like you are handling the anxiety pretty good. Congrats!

Ah People do tend to tell us we are doing worse when they are less likely to get their way or they have to deal with some more resistance. Like Carolyn Said in the tapes we are changing our dance and so people are likely going to stumble. You keep up telling it like its real.

Wow you are very likely to have a relationship like that. I'm a stuffer too. I didn't feel like I was allowed to feel that way and I would scare people away with my anger. I'm slowly starting to change that and allow myself to release some of the anger and ya i've been told that I'm being mean a bit.

I feel better to exercise first thing in the morning as well.


Karen L;

Up and down, up and down on the rollercoaster, the journey over this condition. You are avoiding panic and thats cool!

Thank you for the compliment. By the way congrats on doing the whole dating site thing. Anxiety and depression and cbt are usually the first things I talk about when I meet someone and it is usually a good response and the other person is really really intrested in the topics.


Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

I know that negative emotions are just messages that something is wrong and needs to change either with my perception, my communication or my behavior. I work with that message instead of feeling sorry for myself and I do what I can to change it.

Sataurday;

I didn't do too much, I went to bed at 6am and woke up at like 11. I was at my friend's place just hanging out not really doing anything productive.

Thought replacement
1)I should be going to bed right now.
[Should]
->I went to bed at 6am the day before and its not likely to get to sleep at 11. Thats only 12 hours of being awake and I can't just fall asleep on the drop of a hat. It doesn't work that way I have to slowly change sleep time. I'm doing things right.

2)My tummy is too big.
[Magnification, Mental filter]
->I don't have amazing abs right now but that doesn't mean my tummy is too big. I have an almost average tummy and I'm certainly not the only person with a tummy. I look attractive and I'll just look more attractive when I improve with my tummy.

3)I won't make any progress if I don't get to sleep earlier, I'll just continue to wake up in the exact same spot.
[All-or-Nothing]
->My progress is not solely dependant on sleep. I have many things that help me improve and progress. I will eventually need the sleep thing but I still make progress.

4)I shouldn't reject someone because of their looks, I should try to get to know them for who they are.
[Should]
->Sometimes I just really don't want to get to know someone and well if I'm meeting people on a dating site and am looking for a relationship then I'm going to need physical attraction, that is just how it is. No shame in that.

5)I shouldn't reject people, they will be crushed and its just plain mean.
[Should]
->I don't have to be all mean and nasty with it and I'm not rejecting them as people I am just rejecting the idea of a relationship with them. The worst thing I could do is get into a relationship because of guilt.



Mike

[Karen L]

Mike

Just wanted to say Im amazed by all you do...constantly on the go..workin out, goin for walks, takin the subway, goin places with friends, spend the night at other's places...I remeber you saying you once had a hard time just leaving your room....just wanted to point that out, that you really have come a long way!!!

btw, I have always avoided telling people about my anxiety..partly out of embarassment and partly because I thought that they would think I was crazy...thanks for the encouragement

[NinjaFrodo]

Your welcome. Thinking about it i'm not sure if it really was agoraphobia now. I mean I could leave my house and be out for hours and be alright, it was more when I was around others and in places that I felt I couldn't leave and go rest if I got exhausted. But thank you.

I talk about the anxiety alot but I'm still afraid of embarassing myself. I still feel extremely vulnerable and uncomfortable to think about feeling the anxiety and looking uncomfortable. I guess I still haven't fully accepted everything associated with the anxiety and how I react to them.

I think I want people to think i'm crazy, it might be fun!


Mike

[mcshope]

I have been thinking about all the different posts we have made this week, some ideas came to my mind, ideas that I would like to share with all of you.

To be angry is not a bad thing, we all feel angry from time to time, some more than others. The problem is “what we do with that anger”… do we explode and yell, do we let people feel that we are angry, or do we keep that feeling inside???... I guess I have done all 3, however I learned that an explosion never solves the situation, people just become fearful and defensive. Same thing happens when we try to make the other person “feel” that we are angry. If we keep that feeling inside, probably will harm us on the long run. The best thing to do is wait and talk. Wait to give us time to cool off and talk about it will help to find solutions for a future.

But what happens when another person is angry?. How much do we accept his or her angry attitude? Sometimes we are afraid of saying something because that person could get upset, or we don’t want to hurt them. So we keep quiet and after a while we forget (at least we think that we forget). Once again, wait and talk. Wait until the other person has calmed down (and we have had time to gather our ideas)… then talk, express how you felt and how you would like to be treated.

I know that I tend to get paralyzed when someone is yelling at me or when someone is upset, I had too many years of training thanks to my mom. However that doesn’t mean that I am going to allow people to yell at me. I am very careful with the people I relate to, I try to look for people that treat me with respect, the respect every human being deserves. In exchange, I do my best to treat everybody with respect. I give people a fair chance, but if they can’t treat me with respect or if they think they can use me as punching bag, then it is time for me to move on..... It took me a while to learn this one..... I used to think that I could help them change, which is just an illusion.

I know the world is not perfect, and there are a lot of angry people walking around, however I try to avoid them as much as I can. Like they say in the CD…”it is amazing how many positive people are in this world when you start focusing on positive things”.

Sorry about the rambling, it is just a bunch of ideas that came to my mind.
I am looking forward to lesson 7.

Hope

[Karen L]

Originally posted by NinjaFrodo:

I think I want people to think i'm crazy, it might be fun!

Mike

you are a riot Mike....you really deserve someone great in your life....and Im sure you will find that person

Hope

you werent rambling...makes alot of sense...
I have always been a defensive person, but over the last few years I have become a yelling angry person....seems like I thought the more or louder I yelled the more I would get my point across....now I see, that it doesnt work, it is often inappropriate, and only harms me in the long run....I would have to say that is my big point that I will take away from this lesson.....also, to step back and ask myself is this anger really worth it??

and yes, birds of a feather flock together...and I dont want to be that angry, anxious, depressed bird anymore

good views on the lesson and thanks for sharing

[mcshope]

Mike,
Usually after a slow day it takes me a while to get up and running again, I guess that is why I don’t like slow days. That is why I said to give me a chance to get my act together.

Is the friend that yelled at you the same one of the birthday party, the one you helped to clean and get ready?... You deserve to be treated with respect, I see no reason for anyone to yell at you. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but it is important that you check within yourself why you remain with someone who doesn’t treat you the way you deserve. I agree with Lucinda that life is not fair, and we won’t be treated fairly all the time. However, we choose our friends, we choose to spend time with them, and we choose to accept to be treated in a certain way. I am happy that you had a chance to talk with your friend and express how you felt.

How would you like to be treated?... Think of it… make a list of what you expect from a friend, and then go out and look for those friends that match.

You had a good time at the party, and also met new people… Good for you!!!

You are also meeting new people online, I can understand the excitement of meeting someone and waiting to receive a message or an e-mail. Did I mention that I met my husband on the internet???... This was about 12 years ago.
You have made a lot of progress, feel proud about it.

Hope

[mcshope]

Thank you Karen. Sometimes it makes me nervous to write ideas like that, you just never know how people are going to take it.

You are meeting people online, good for you... Take your time, talk, and talk, and talk... that is the best way to get to know someone.

Hope

[Karen L]

Originally posted by mcshope:

that life is not fair, and we won’t be treated fairly all the time. However, we choose our friends, we choose to spend time with them, and we choose to accept to be treated in a certain way.

Hope

Hope

very powerful...thanks for posting

dont be nervous about writing ideas like that in here...I wouldnt never judge you for writing what you feel....I dont think anyone in here would...and chances are at least one of us is going to relate, so you will be helping us out.....it also sometimes makes me feel better just to type as Im thinking....it gets my true feelings out instead of bottling them up inside

I am a talker and love to talk, lol.
you met your husband online...that is cool