Feeling Like the Minority

[Lilly_Light]

Today, I went to the downtown library. I live in a place where the downtown area is typically associated with poverty and low income, though there are many county buildings/offices in this area, as well, so county employees make up some of the diversity.

Anyway, while I was in the library today, I felt as though I was being looked at and ridiculed behind my back. I thought that I was reasonably well-dressed, so the thought crossed my mind that I might be "too" well-dressed, if this is possible. I have experienced this about three times so far this month, so it's becoming a little frustrating and angering. During my last visit, I heard someone say something to the effect that I'm not sure why she's here (etc., etc.) , as if I shouldn't be here since I'm "too good" to be there or something. Hmmm... It was very strange, and I became a bit angry since this is a public library and it's everyone's right to be there if they choose to be. It's the principle of the thing in my mind that makes me the angriest. This is funny because I have been to this library many, many times before, and I have never felt this level of anger and frustration...

I wrote about this in my journal tonight so that I could get it out of my head and onto paper. Moments ago, I had this sudden flash: what I need to do is to work on making the boundaries between my emotional life and others' emotional life clearer.

Has anyone experienced this? What are some strategies that I can use to reduce it?

On a positive note, I resisted my desire to flip two teenage girls off when they honked at me because I wasn't pulling out fast enough from the gas pump to suite them. In fact, I couldn't pull out safely since there was an older woman who was trying to pull into the gas pump nearest me. My thought was: "If I'm not moving fast enough for them, they can find another gas pump. I'm not going to risk damage to my car, the woman's car or our lives in order to suite them." It was very freeing, and I just sat there quietly and continued to wait even after these two girls honked. I saw them start to pull away, then move back in position behind me, but I couldn't care any less and it felt SOOOOO good . I have actually become more quiet and truly calm within myself, and I am not letting others push my buttons as much anymore. I'm on Session 8, BTW.

[Guest]

Anyway, while I was in the library today, I felt as though I was being looked at and ridiculed behind my back. I thought that I was reasonably well-dressed, so the thought crossed my mind that I might be "too" well-dressed, if this is possible. I have experienced this about three times so far this month, so it's becoming a little frustrating and angering. During my last visit, I heard someone say something to the effect that I'm not sure why she's here (etc., etc.) Mad, as if I shouldn't be here since I'm "too good" to be there or something. Hmmm... It was very strange, and I became a bit angry since this is a public library and it's everyone's right to be there if they choose to be. It's the principle of the thing in my mind that makes me the angriest. This is funny because I have been to this library many, many times before, and I have never felt this level of anger and frustration...

People that do that tend to be insecure with themselves and need to find fault in others to boost their own self esteem or detract from their own personal issues. We here call it distraction. It is easier to find any fault or just anything, any reason to slam another person when we feel down, it makes us feel better in some strange way. Their "ego" was boosted because they voiced how terrible you are.

Who cares how you dressed? You just like all of them have every right to be at that library regardless of your fashion choice! Who cares if they think you should not be there. You have every business and right to be there. Pay no attention to them. If it keeps happening and getting more obvious and abnoxious, I would approach them and politely ask if they have a question. Call them on the carpet. Put their questions to rest! Most people will not have the courage to admit anything was said and will put them on notice. I did that for a kid in school, a bit special needs but he can and does understand the hurtful things people say and snicker about. I saw that it hurt his feelings. I called those kid on the carpet. They have never said another mean word and actually some have been genuinely kind and helpful to him. This semester, the kids are still kind to him. I know he would never have the social skills or courage to do that as he really is very timid, that is why I did it for him. It was hard because I am an adult student and they are all kids, they all stick together, have friends from high school and the community. I could have made my classroom interactions really horrible as I do have classes and work on projects with these same people. But all has proved positive.

At times, I just let it go. In my situation above I could not because it is an occurance I saw happening daily, several times a day by groups of people not only in class but the hall way, elevator, school library. I pick my battles. I also have learned that I really do not care what someone thinks of me. They do not like my coat? Too bad, it mine, not theirs :p . I live for me, my comfort and style. We all have different likes, dislikes, etc. They say I am underdressed, oh well:roll: ! My choice of clothing , NOT theirs :p . My tastes, MY likes, MY comfort, NOT theirs!

Some people are also just jealous or insecure. Let them mind their own!