Stress Center Peer Support

The day before starting lesson 6, I had a chat with a friend of mine over msn. She had recently had to deal with a very stressful situation which involved alot of anger and as she was telling me this, i noticed that i was placing myself in the situation as if i was there and how angry i would have been.

The day I started the program I was talking to my great aunt and she had told me about a situation where my uncle's wife (who was in charge of paying the bills and had a bank account with my uncle), had avoided paying the bills and my uncle almost lost the house and went bankrupt and this also made me very angry and again i put myself in there as if i was there.

I obsessed over both of these situations for many many hours...I couldn't turn it off...I wasn't sure what to do. I obsessed over them at work and it even made me less productive and more distracted and more drained. So I decided that this was a good time to write it out onto paper.

I ended up writing and found that I was obsessing over this problem because there were certain elements of this that were similar to issues that i went through in my past. I believe the common element is ignorance. The people causing the problem were ignorant to the other people and didn't seem to even care that it might hurt others. In my situation, I was abused and even when my mother or her boyfriend (who's been around since i was born), found out...they still didn't do anything and it seemed like they didn't care at all.

I keep trying to write this out in a way that makes me feel better but i keep coming to the same question...how could a mother let her son suffer and not do anything? How could they be so ignorant towards the situation and not do anything?

I wonder if anybody has any suggestions because i'm kind of stumped here.


MIke

Mike:
I do know this is a heavy burden, to know that someone could have helped and didn't.
Gosh, I don't have idea how to help you get over this.
But I just know that the anger pain is real.
And I just wish you to find peace.
I guess it is going to take a giant amount of forgiveness. That is not easy. In fact, being able to forgive is a gift.
When we carry those justified resentments. and yours really do seem justified, we don't affect those that we resent in anyway. As you know the anger hurts ourselves. It kind of poisons us from inside.
I was in an abusive marriage for years. My self esteem became almost non-existant. I had so much anger.
But then I came accross a little book called
THE GIFT OF FORGIVENESS by Charles Stanley.
It talked about forgiving self as well as others. That little book was very helpful to me. It was not the usual little pep-talk about forgiveness, but rather gave some pretty deep insights into it.
I wish the very best for you. I wish you to be free of that pain that you endured.
I care.
MaryJane

I can relate because my mother did some really horrible things to me as a child and was COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS. I was just talking with her last night about the issue. She repeated the same thing with my little half sister and it INFURIATED ME!!!! I was like, why are you repeating this destructive behavior?! Don't you realize you are damaging people's psyche's and day to day living mentality?!! She was so caught up in how much she still hated my dad, and felt wronged by him she didn't even THINK about anyone else's feelings cause she was just so wrapped up in her own. I have been on a very hard long journey of self development and it's been amazing, I am seeing things that are SO OBVIOUS NOW and i'm like, why didn't I see this before?! It's so obvious! It's because my perception was completely warped by my heavy emotions. Emotions make it so you can't see a THING. Especially when it's RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE. Does your mom have a history of abuse in her past? Even if it's just the slightest kind of verbal abuse or lack of attention it still causes a warped perception. That is probably why. Nothing is more important in this life than learning to rise above heavy emotions. They completely steal your reality of what IS away. I believe it's the cause of EVERY problem. heavy emotions are really damaging. When you feel body symptoms from emotions (subconscious thoughts are the ones attached to the really powerful emotions) all that is manifesting in your body an if you don't do something to clear all that toxic waste out of you, it will cause you the serious kind health problems. Cause they're slower and gradual and they build up over time. That's why its better to feel it so you can sense where it is in your body but don't feel it too long! or let it control you! and clear it out. instead of it just sitting there distorting your figure and perception of reality and then eventually causing a disease, go running, consciously relax where the tension is... These are all things I have been recently contemplating myself that's why i'm really going off about it. the point is, it's just not worth it. Ok you loose your peice of mind, thats a big deal but, whatever, your body aches, whatever, but if you develope a serious illness over some BS, that's just not cool at all. So let it all flow through you and don't let it get stuck in your body or your mind! Go running, eat tons of antioxidants, and do that relaxation CD religiously. Heavy emotions just aren't worth dying over. And by the way, this is a big relief to know, when you really clear them and they no longer have a hold over you, since we are universal mind and all connected, it triggers who ever did the abuse and it makes it pop up in their face so now they are stuck with clearing their own karma. It really does speed up karma, I see it in action all the time. And if you are good at putting yourself in other's shoes you should really go back to your mother's pain and you'll see and know why she behaves that way. peace.

First off thank you for your response, I appreciate that you do care

This was my first rut in the program well this time around and I was starting to go back to how i was feeling while it was actually happening and wow thats not good. I also haven't been using the 6 steps or the relaxation cd as much as i'd like to...mainly because i was moving and working a bit more than normal. So today I did come to the realization that they didn't not do something about it because they didn't care about me. It wouldn't be an easy thing to deal with because that other person was a big part of everybody's life. For my mother it must have been really difficult because that was her father who did it to me and he did it to her and my sister as well and to be in a situation where you have to go against your own father would definately be overwhelming plus the guilt she would have had for letting it continue must have been severely overwhelming as well. For my mother's boyfriend, well he knew my mother's father and had alot of contact with him since i was born as well and how do you confront someone with something like this? He also doesn't know how to deal with any kind of situation like this and unfortunately he responses by running away and that is a lacking on his own part. I guess that is just a limitation of his own. I don't think they actually said in their heads...no we aren't going to do anything because we actually don't care about him...thats just silly.

I realized that i have to accept that i feel angry just like i accept that i feel anxious, do the slow breathing and then write something that replaces the negative thought. I also found that letting myself know that it is over, I'm safe and I am strong enough to never let that happen again, makes me feel better and I may have to work on this anger for awhile but that is alright too...As long as i work on it.

Forgiveness is something i don't understand alot about. My definition of forgiveness is probabbly an unhealthy one. By forgiving i feel like i allowed it to happen and that i'm unprotected from it and it could happen again. I feel like i'm saying "sure you ruined my life but I'll still let you walk all over me"

So what is forgiveness really?


Mike

I just want to add one more thing. The distorted perception caused by the heavy emotion explains why a child will have the same emotional problems as their parents, and then their parents and then their parents. Till someone finally WAKES UP and clears it.

Abbette

Holy crap...that was an intensely high energy post you put in there. I can tell you put alot of passion into what you just wrote.

Don't you realize you are damaging people's psyche's and day to day living mentality?!! She was so caught up in how much she still hated my dad, and felt wronged by him she didn't even THINK about anyone else's feelings cause she was just so wrapped up in her own.

I think this is the thing that caught my eye the most. She definately fits into this category...actually I think i do too. I think i really understand now.

She did go through abuse...she was molested by her father, she became epileptic after a head injury when she was younger, she got together with a physically abusive man (my father) who tried to kill my sister before she was born by punching my mother in the abdomen, the guy also took advantage of her while she was having a seizure, she caught her father doing the same thing to my sister and the anti-convulsant medication had some strong side effects as well and with epilepsy you really have to make sure your stress level is low or else you could have a seizure and it could increase seizures. Does that count?

I can understand Karma as well. You can affect people around you simply by how you are thinking...you don't even have to say any words. That's a great point that you brought up with Karma.

Can someone fully clear the heavy emotions? Is it possible to fully detach the emotions that are attached to the painful memories?

Mike

Great minds think alike

I have beat myself up for along time because i was soooo focused on my own emotions. I felt bad for not being able to share in another persons happiness but your response makes alot of sense and I think i can actually accept that yes maybe I haven't been able to be with others on an emotional level but of course not if I have all these really strong emotions. This is only natural and working through them with the program and relaxing, I can get beyond them and eventually I will be able to do it which gives me hope.

I'm really greatful for your response. Thank you very much. You are really smart


Mike

Yea you can clear them but you just have to remember it takes A LOT of PERSISTENCE and PATIENCE. Well actually, if you do that relaxation CD it will make it so you can turn it off in the snap of a finger after a couple weeks . And let me tell you when you can do that it calls for celebration! You just keep doing it till finally you see it, and are no longer affected AT ALL. That's when you KNOW you cleared it. But my main point is...if it comes back up again, just realize practice makes perfect and you are really learning a new language. People don't learn a new language over night, it takes time and practice but you do get it. Then you get used to it, then you move on with your life and rise above the nonsense. Just get on that relaxation CD!

Alot of Persistence isn't much of a problem for me...at least not this time around. I also have the advantage that i've been working with the relaxation cd on and off for the past 4 years so i'm further along then alot of people. 3 times a day...that is my goal...Thank you, this actually makes me even more motivated!

Mike

Great advice about clearing high emotions. They can definitely destroy a person.
I have always been a very emotinal person. As i got older (as I've said in other posts) I thought of it as being compassionate or empathizing with others (putting myself in their shoes, as you said mike). It seems so crazy now that I always really took pride in the fact that I thought I was a good person for doing that...taking on the feelings of others. I do realize it wrecked me and brought me where I am now. I wonder where the balance is. Is there balance with that? Or should people just not do that?
At any rate I wanted to put in my 2 cents. I can get wordy, I'll try to be brief...and hopefully it will make sense.
Mike-I think it's great that you seem to really know in your heart/gut that your mother wasn't trying to hurt you. It's great that you realize this. But, I think that you still need "clear the air" so to speak. I just think that these things can creep back up....even if you push it down for now. I am not suggested that you lash out at her or yell at her, or approach it negatively. I just know that I have pushed things down, and stuck some duct tape over it...and after it rains a little....
I don't wnt for it to be a viscious cycle for you. And we are not talking about mom not getting you a gift you wanted, or making you eat brussel sprouts. This is something major...and she knows too.
She may also like for you to clear the air and talk with her about it. I know it will probably be uncomfortable at first. But just imagine the weight lifted from BOTH of you. I am sure that she is being consumed by this, and it seems like it serves as one of what I call...a monster (for you). Something you hope you can continue to deal with...but it's still there.
Like I said, I'm not promoting it as a confrontation at all. Just something that needs to be discussed. Let her know that it is something that you have struggled with and that you know she has too.
It may seem twisted, but I think that she may be relieved...you too? Especially if it is something that has always been hush hush, or avoided. Just think of the tension and what kind of energy is being brought to the table. I think that in order to clear the negative emotions, you should try talking with your mom.
That's just my opinion, and it may be bad advice. But the 2 of you cannot live harboring this...at least not happily. Just remember that karma is balance, not vengeance and it spans many lives...not just the current manifestation (known as your life ). I just worry that if you view things as "he will get his" that is kind of caving into the anger...b/c that's an angry thought. Hopefully he will get better, and I kinda tend to think that if people are separated and don't talk (you, mom, sister) then they have this divide...and even within himself, he doesn't have to confront what he's done...b/c it's hush hush. Perhaps if he sees you closer (w/fam) and feels that the divide has closed between you, mom, sis...he will have to (within himself) confront what he's done...that is the first step in forgiving...for everyone.
Oh, I got wordy! Sorry
My main point-these things can creep back in at a moment when you feel emotional...Its like a tornado for me...grabbing little bits of everything, as it tears through. Things you thought you were okay with can come right back (the monster).
That's just my opinion....take it for what it's worth.
I wish you the best, and hope that the pain showing up as anger...is soothed.
Together we stand; divided we fall...