I did such a bad thing today...

DisneyGirl · Post by **DisneyGirl** » Sun Jul 13, 2008 5:38 pm

Hi everyone, I feel like I became the worst version of myself today. I was at a church fair today (actually yesterday now) with my sister, her husband, and their 3 beautiful kids one of whom is a special needs child. Two of my sister's kids went on a giant blow up slide and when they came off my sisters daughter was visibly upset. I heard her tell her mother that the (approximetly) 10-12 year old that was manning the slide at the top said to her (about my special needs nephew) What's wrong with him, that kid was slobbering. She was so upset. My sister tried to comfort her as best as she could, but knowing my anxiety and mood swings I was HOT. I walked away with them, but later when we were in the area by the slide again I noticed the kid had come to work by the bottom of the slide. So I walked over to him and I said that little boy couldn't help that he was drooling and you have no right to talk about people like that. He of coursed denied it and I pretty much yelled, I heard you!! Which of course I didn't. This really didn't make me feel any better so I dont know why I bothered, but I just could not let it go. And here we were at a church event. Of course I was beyond panicky the rest of the time we were there. I feel like God was punishing me a 29 year old for yelling at a little kid, whom I don't even know. Anyways thanks for listening, I really needed to get this off my chest and didn't know where to turn. God bless everyone.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jul 13, 2008 6:04 pm

The way you feel is understandable. It's almost like a mama lioness protecting her cub. Except your his aunt. I imagine when you got mad that it raised your anxiety level to feel all of that anger inside. Don't beat yourself up about it, and just let it go if you can. Your reaction, was a perfectly normal one though.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jul 13, 2008 6:08 pm

The worst bouts of depression for me lately have been caused by things that made me angry.. Weird huh? And funny too since I will restart session 6 tomorrow. There are special needs kids in my family and I know how you must have felt. We all get angry and say things we regret. Forgive yourself and see what you can learn from it. I look forward to hearing more posts. Take care.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jul 13, 2008 6:20 pm

You were perfectly normal to react the way you did. That might be the best thing that ever happens to that kid because he just learned an important life lesson about right and wrong and how to treat people. Fast forward 20 years and he would thank you for setting him straight and helping him to be a better person.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jul 14, 2008 3:02 am

Disney Girl, Thanks so much for sharing...I understand completely where you're coming from and can appreciate your frustration over the situation. I'm going to give you some advise that I, as well as numerous of us could benefit...please stop beating yourself up! I sincerely hope that your comments to the teenager will have made an impact in his area of judging others...of course there's the possibility that he's not thought much more about the incident and you're battling & beating yourself!
I too am guilty of beating myself up over my "ugly" feelings of an encounter I had with a child this past weekend...unfortunately she's extended family...so I have to come to terms with this issue! The circumstances of this little girl's homelife are poor, to say the least. The lack of parental discipline is SO evident in her; we were at a public event and her behavior was bad...the most frustrating part for me was that none of her more closely related family members said ANYTHING to her. Oh did I mention, I'm the "in-law", which left me feeling even further removed from having an obligation to say anything...until she ran into the street!! Did I mention that I had my 2 kids there too; they're approx 2 years older. The one is very responsible for her age and just removed herself from the wild behavior..unfortunately the other is more of a follower than leader...so he was in the mix of it...except for the running into the street part

I have rules for my kids, to hold hands when walking across a street and/or parking lot...wild child had evidently never heard this type of rule before...ugh! I feel so angry over what was to have been a fun, relaxing evening turned for me into a stressful & aggrevating time...and we're supposed to do it all over again this Friday! Our kids have been brought up with set rules/guidelines of expected behavior...I went so far as to suggest to my "follower" that he is very bright, smart and knows the rights from wrong behavior, that he could help his younger family member by "leading" her into more acceptable behavior...tall order for a 7 yr old! As you may've gathered, I did not encounter the in-laws as to this eratic behavior...the parent(s) of this child were not present and that's who really needs to be set straight...unfortunately, as any parent knows, disciplining your kids takes alot of work and I just don't think her parents are into that AT ALL!

I felt/feel SO bad, because I was so angry with the young child, when I KNOW she's only behaving in a way that's "normal" for her, because she's given no direction from her parents...but I have no intention of sitting by, watching her behave so badly to possibly cause harm to herself or more importantly, to my kids! Whew...thanks for letting me VENT!
Anyone else ever been in similar situation; any suggestions on ways to confront this situation?
Thanks everyone for your input!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jul 14, 2008 3:31 am

Jeff S. hit it on the nose, you were completely right. However, we are so affraid of kids and kids parents who are affraid of their kids we have completely lost touch with who the adults are and who the kids are. Ever stop and listen to a coversation with a 3-4 year old lately, check it out. "Hey Johnny, pick up your bike out of the drive way". "No"..."go do it now" "alright alright i heard you why are you always so mean to me", "I am sorry baby, i will take you to movies-here's a dollar". Oh for Pete's sake!

They run the show now days, adults don't! Trust me honey, your reaction had nothing to do with you bringing out your worst - it brought out your best! Standing up to other's, in a tactful manner is a must. Screaming and yelling at people is our own emotions and regardless of who they are or their age is simply not acceptable. But you did not do that you were simply pointing out to this kid he was being insensative to another person that society sees as abnormal (?).

I had made a statement earlier in this community about a lady complaining she was all axious about this new job she had, people she worked with she did'nt like. I stood up and very tactfully told her to mind her concerns she was hired for and just do her job, focus on the reason she was at work and things would work out. I got a noodle lashing for that from others.

Listen it is'nt always about praying to GOD, sending words of sorrow. None of us need that in every situation, we need some real honest words that don't always point out that we are anxious but rather we are making personality/character trait errors that need addressed. It's too transparent to pasify and adult especially an adult prone to anxiety.

You stood up for yourself, protected that child, said what was right. Don't feel bad about that, be proud you took a stance for what you believe in. I feel like it is a victory for you and to read what you wrote and others agreed is reassurance to me that it is OK to stand up, in a tactful kind manner, and redirect some ill ways of thinking. Here's to you for being strong enough to stand up and be heard! That person will look back on that and think twice about being so hateful, insensative to another person - all because you took the time to redirect some ignorant thinking.

RB

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jul 14, 2008 5:27 am

My goodness thank you ALL so much for your kind words! I barely slept a wink last night replaying the whole situation over and over in my head.
beckyl-you are very right when you said it is like a mama lioness, that is a perfect way to describe what I was feeling when this happened. Good thing I am not a lion, or I may have ripped the kids head off, right? Joking, Joking!!
It just really bothers me that people (even children) can at times be that insensitive. Those of us without serious disabilities are blessed to not have to go through life dealing with things that those with disabilities go through every single day.
I do feel allot better about it today, especially after reading the kind words in all of your posts. Again thank you all so much for replying, I no longer feel like I am doomed to go to hell for what I said.
TracyH--I can totally understand exactly what you are saying, it is so frustrating when kids can just act up and people feel it is ok to ignore that. Hang in there and keep raising your two the awesome way that you are.
God Bless everyone!

kvsdiva · Post by **kvsdiva** » Mon Jul 14, 2008 5:33 am

Sorry DisneyGirl but I don't see where you did anything wrong? You didn't hurt him, you lectured him as he should have been and further more it may not feel good in doing so when you already don't feel good. So hang in there and stay strong!

:):)
God Bless