Anger at others is easier for me to handle, although still very difficult sometimes. The biggest problem I have which causes white hot anger flashes is thinking back at things that I said that I thought were stupid. When I think about things like that, I get angry at myself AND at whoever I said it to.
Please help.
Angry at myself, always angry at myself
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Unforgiveness, whether at ourselves or others, is a poison. Most of my problems have been that I don't forgive myself for my past, but there have been a few issues with others, my sister in law in particular. Because the pain was so great, I began to try and address the issues with my SIL in 1999 and 2000 by being assertive (as I understood it then) and letting her know how some of her actions had hurt me. It didn't resolve anything as far as she was concerned, but it did allow me to let it go at that point.
I think journaling is a key to getting this stuff out and dealing with it. Identify the offending thoughts and actions. If it's something you feel you need to amend between you and someone else, then going to that person and discussing it might be what is called for. If it doesn't pertain to someone else, seeking to forgive yourself and letting it go can allow you to get rid of a lot of needless baggage. I have found forgiveness as it related to my SIL to be a process, not a one time event. Each time the offending thoughts came up after I had discussed things with her I would refuse to entertain them and state aloud that the issue had been forgiven. Gradually the thoughts subsided and weren't a bother anymore. This has also worked for anger directed at myself due to failures. Each time the thoughts would come up I would repeat out loud to the thoughts that I had forgiven myself and sought to not give the thoughts any power. Over time this worked for me.
I don't think we can be healed or have significant recovery without forgiving ourselves and others and letting go of the past. Learning to love ourselves unconditionally and having respect for ourselves is key to recovery. You can't do that when you hold grudges against yourself. I think forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. The realization that the poison of unforgiveness was hurting me more than anyone else was my wake up call to realize that forgiveness is just as much for me as it is for any offending party.
I think journaling is a key to getting this stuff out and dealing with it. Identify the offending thoughts and actions. If it's something you feel you need to amend between you and someone else, then going to that person and discussing it might be what is called for. If it doesn't pertain to someone else, seeking to forgive yourself and letting it go can allow you to get rid of a lot of needless baggage. I have found forgiveness as it related to my SIL to be a process, not a one time event. Each time the offending thoughts came up after I had discussed things with her I would refuse to entertain them and state aloud that the issue had been forgiven. Gradually the thoughts subsided and weren't a bother anymore. This has also worked for anger directed at myself due to failures. Each time the thoughts would come up I would repeat out loud to the thoughts that I had forgiven myself and sought to not give the thoughts any power. Over time this worked for me.
I don't think we can be healed or have significant recovery without forgiving ourselves and others and letting go of the past. Learning to love ourselves unconditionally and having respect for ourselves is key to recovery. You can't do that when you hold grudges against yourself. I think forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. The realization that the poison of unforgiveness was hurting me more than anyone else was my wake up call to realize that forgiveness is just as much for me as it is for any offending party.