Im mad at a few people. The program says to let go of this anger but I dont want these people in my life. I dont wnat to forgive them because then they would think that what they did was acceptable.
One girl was who i moved form RI to CA with she was SOOOOO manipulative with me with guys, money, friends material posesions everything! she had really bad anxiety and her bad habits rubbed off on me alot!!!
The other people stole stuff from my house and never apologized even when my bf confronted them (they were his friends first) they never said to him "no I didnt take anything"
I hate these people and don want them near me so why is the program saying to forgive and let it go?? I dont want them in my life
people I dont want in my life
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Fuzzy Pickles
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Mon Aug 21, 2006 9:28 pm
Hate is an extremely self-destructive emotion. When you hold on to hate, it's like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
Forgiveness is not about the other person and it does not in any way excuse or condone the wrong they did. It has nothing to do with the other person. You choose to forgive for YOU... to set yourself free from the death-grip that hate has on your mind, your soul, your life.
Without going into detail here (I would have to write a book) from the time I was born until I left home at 18, my parents terrorized me in ways that no animal, let alone a child, should ever be. For 27 years of my life my heart played a torturous game of tug-of-war between hating them with every fibre of my being and trying to forgive them. Long story short, I was very recently able to finally truly and completely forgive them FROM MY HEART (which is a lot different than just speaking the words) and the moment I did that, I literally felt a weight lift off my chest... I could finally breathe - really breathe - for the first time in my life.
Did forgiving these people who had no business being parents in the first place erase what they did? Of course not. Does forgiving them mean I'm saying what they did to me was okay and that we're all chummy-chummy now? NOOO! Does it mean a magical lightbulb finally came on in their heads and they now see the error of their ways and are truly sorry? Ha! Never - they're not capable. What it did do is it freed ME.
Forgiveness is not about the other person and it does not in any way excuse or condone the wrong they did. It has nothing to do with the other person. You choose to forgive for YOU... to set yourself free from the death-grip that hate has on your mind, your soul, your life.
Without going into detail here (I would have to write a book) from the time I was born until I left home at 18, my parents terrorized me in ways that no animal, let alone a child, should ever be. For 27 years of my life my heart played a torturous game of tug-of-war between hating them with every fibre of my being and trying to forgive them. Long story short, I was very recently able to finally truly and completely forgive them FROM MY HEART (which is a lot different than just speaking the words) and the moment I did that, I literally felt a weight lift off my chest... I could finally breathe - really breathe - for the first time in my life.
Did forgiving these people who had no business being parents in the first place erase what they did? Of course not. Does forgiving them mean I'm saying what they did to me was okay and that we're all chummy-chummy now? NOOO! Does it mean a magical lightbulb finally came on in their heads and they now see the error of their ways and are truly sorry? Ha! Never - they're not capable. What it did do is it freed ME.
"Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but doesn't take you anywhere."
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Guest
Hi Jocie,
The point behind forgiveness is for ourselves and has nothing to do with the other person.
You see when you harbour feelings of hate and anger, the only person that suffers is you.
The people we have these feelings of anger and hate towards go about living their lives and are not bothered by it whatsoever. Meanwhile, we suffer all the bad feelings associated with the hate and anger.
You don't necessarily have to confornt these people. You can ask whatever higher power that you choose to forgive them and in your own mind move on. We have the right to hang around with whatever people we choose and no one is saying that these people will become your best friends after you forgive them.
Just realize that people throughout your life are going to do things that can make you upset and mad, however, it is your choice whether or not you let it affect you. By forgiving them in your own mind, you are relieving yourself of the burdens associated with hate and anger and freeing yourself to enjoy present moment living.
Just my 2 cents worth.
The point behind forgiveness is for ourselves and has nothing to do with the other person.
You see when you harbour feelings of hate and anger, the only person that suffers is you.
The people we have these feelings of anger and hate towards go about living their lives and are not bothered by it whatsoever. Meanwhile, we suffer all the bad feelings associated with the hate and anger.
You don't necessarily have to confornt these people. You can ask whatever higher power that you choose to forgive them and in your own mind move on. We have the right to hang around with whatever people we choose and no one is saying that these people will become your best friends after you forgive them.
Just realize that people throughout your life are going to do things that can make you upset and mad, however, it is your choice whether or not you let it affect you. By forgiving them in your own mind, you are relieving yourself of the burdens associated with hate and anger and freeing yourself to enjoy present moment living.
Just my 2 cents worth.
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Guest
Anger/resentment/bitterness/hate are ALL such negative + self destructive emotions. Holding on to these <span class="ev_code_RED">negative</span>emotions for extended periods of time(like wallowing & dwelling in them) is like POISON to YOU = your soul/spirit/emotional self. They hamper you dwn = making you feel: angry + cranky + in a bad mood well almost all the time + feeling physically ill + you think/act/react VERY NEGATIVELY cause of these negative emotions. Sometimes, you don't realize you're doing it, or the extent to which you are. However, after a while, you question "gosh, I don't feel well. I wonder why - what's going on?".
Forgiveness is not about justifying all the wrongs the perpetrator/s has/have committed. It so is NOT about saying what they did was right. Nor is forgiveness about forgiving the person/s & then inviting them for cake & coffee, lol.<span class="ev_code_RED">I don't think so!!!</span> Forgiveness is not even about THEM = THE PERPETRATORS - the individuals who did wrong to you. Forgiveness is about YOU - liberating yourself fr the EMOTIONAL PRISON, whose "bars" are anger/pain/hate/resentment/bitterness. Forgiveness is about YOU wanting to feel better + have inner peace + better quality of life + to be free fr the emotional chains you have bound yourself w/.
When my anxiety disorder triggered back in APRIL 2005 - my #1 objective was I WANTED TO FEEL BETTER. Feeling better encompasses many things. My wanting to feel better required many things of me. I initiated therapy w/ a psychiatrist - who helped me sift through the severely mangled mess of what was THE STATE OF MY EMOTIONS BACK THEN. We spent almost 2 yrs facing my childhood/teenage yrs/early adulthood(20 yrs of stuff). I knew "these things" happened - I sincerely didn't realize the emotional impactthey had on me + <span class="ev_code_RED">prior to therapy - I was unable to truly see just how bad BACK THEN really was.</span> I was so oblivious to it - that I questioned my therapist "what does that have to do w/ this". I was diagnosed w/ PTSD fr those events. Hell, I didn't know it - honest. My therapist opened up the PANDORA'S BOX to my emotional self = he stirred the pot(asking questions after questions). I faced what I needed to face. I needed to face the events b/4 I could even begin to see/understand how I was holding on to these negative emotions & their impact on me.
I'll be honest here - I didn't understand FORGIVENESS. I so didn't understand it, in utter frustration, I cried & yelled @ God, "you want me to forgive - I don't know how. How do I forgive such horrible & terrible things. I don't understand even what forgiveness means. You want me to - then you show me". What I've endured, no child should. I was burdened w/ things no child should have EVER. However, while I did need to heal emotionally(kind of like me helping my "inner child" heal - for she was the 1 who experienced these things)- I WAS A GROWNUP NOW - I WAS THE "WOMAN" LENORE - right/wrong/indifferent - no matter what they did & said to me - if I WANTED TO FEEL BETTER - then I needed to do something. Well, God heard me, lol & boy did he show me. EX: I did an expercise - it will sound weird/funny/spooky even. I made a list of the people who wrong me. Under each name, I wrote exactly what they did + how it made me feel + I in turn, told them how I felt. Then, something very spiritual happened - it was devine intervention. Remember, I asked God to "show me forgiveness" to "help me understand". I knew I needed this "forgiveness thing" I just didn't know how. As I was addressing each person, individually, I closed my eyes & in QUICK FLASHES(like a speedy mini movie) - too fast to plant a memory - but enough so I SAW & FELT what MY PERPETRATORS DID - I saw THEIR EXPERIENCES. No, not what they did to me, as they did them. Rather, I saw things they had gone thru & I physically felt the emotional & physical pain that came along w/ each quick flash. I said, "wow, they went through hell - they had so much emotional pain - they were angry & bitter. They had horrible things happen to them". This same thing happened w/ every single person on my list. Then it hit me, having gone through my entire list: "oh my gosh, I can't hold it against them". Now, when I say that, by no means am I justifying anything they did. What I am saying is HURTING PEOPLE DO HURTFUL THINGS. They simply didn't know better. They acted out of all what they had inside of them. Doesn't make it right - it does help explain WHY & most important, that IT WASN'T MY FAULT. You see, they don't know better & different. They were so caught up in their cycle of dysfunction - it was THEIR NORM. Again, they didn't know better. I DID - I knew better & different = w/ facing my past & myself - I knew better. I could change the cycle - (no, not as I thought I could for FAR TOO MANY YEARS - BY CHANGING THEM & WAITING FOR THEM TO "OH I WAS WRONG") - BY CHANGING MYSELF. I could "forgive(lol, listen, God was really working some divine intervention w/ me & the hard head I had back then, lol)" + "let go" "face my past & myself" so I heal the surpressed emotions I had, so I don't do as they did - me taking responsibility for me - acting different & better. By me taking this JOURNEY - I have changed the cycle of dysfunction that is GENERATIONS OLD - by changing myself & healing w/in. It was an amazing thing. Funny, I love music & I work well(emotionally) w/ music on. During that very moving moment, I had Mary J. Blige on - NO MORE DRAMA. That moment was a gift to me.
There is nothing more important to me than ME FEELING GOOD(BETTER). Me choosing to learn forgiveness & forgiving & letting go - has been the best gift - liberating & free - such a eurphoric feeling. Forgiving them, liberated me. Forgiveness need not mean you invite them over for supper - it doesn't mean you need to have them in your life - remember, this is your life.
LENORE
Forgiveness is not about justifying all the wrongs the perpetrator/s has/have committed. It so is NOT about saying what they did was right. Nor is forgiveness about forgiving the person/s & then inviting them for cake & coffee, lol.<span class="ev_code_RED">I don't think so!!!</span> Forgiveness is not even about THEM = THE PERPETRATORS - the individuals who did wrong to you. Forgiveness is about YOU - liberating yourself fr the EMOTIONAL PRISON, whose "bars" are anger/pain/hate/resentment/bitterness. Forgiveness is about YOU wanting to feel better + have inner peace + better quality of life + to be free fr the emotional chains you have bound yourself w/.
When my anxiety disorder triggered back in APRIL 2005 - my #1 objective was I WANTED TO FEEL BETTER. Feeling better encompasses many things. My wanting to feel better required many things of me. I initiated therapy w/ a psychiatrist - who helped me sift through the severely mangled mess of what was THE STATE OF MY EMOTIONS BACK THEN. We spent almost 2 yrs facing my childhood/teenage yrs/early adulthood(20 yrs of stuff). I knew "these things" happened - I sincerely didn't realize the emotional impactthey had on me + <span class="ev_code_RED">prior to therapy - I was unable to truly see just how bad BACK THEN really was.</span> I was so oblivious to it - that I questioned my therapist "what does that have to do w/ this". I was diagnosed w/ PTSD fr those events. Hell, I didn't know it - honest. My therapist opened up the PANDORA'S BOX to my emotional self = he stirred the pot(asking questions after questions). I faced what I needed to face. I needed to face the events b/4 I could even begin to see/understand how I was holding on to these negative emotions & their impact on me.
I'll be honest here - I didn't understand FORGIVENESS. I so didn't understand it, in utter frustration, I cried & yelled @ God, "you want me to forgive - I don't know how. How do I forgive such horrible & terrible things. I don't understand even what forgiveness means. You want me to - then you show me". What I've endured, no child should. I was burdened w/ things no child should have EVER. However, while I did need to heal emotionally(kind of like me helping my "inner child" heal - for she was the 1 who experienced these things)- I WAS A GROWNUP NOW - I WAS THE "WOMAN" LENORE - right/wrong/indifferent - no matter what they did & said to me - if I WANTED TO FEEL BETTER - then I needed to do something. Well, God heard me, lol & boy did he show me. EX: I did an expercise - it will sound weird/funny/spooky even. I made a list of the people who wrong me. Under each name, I wrote exactly what they did + how it made me feel + I in turn, told them how I felt. Then, something very spiritual happened - it was devine intervention. Remember, I asked God to "show me forgiveness" to "help me understand". I knew I needed this "forgiveness thing" I just didn't know how. As I was addressing each person, individually, I closed my eyes & in QUICK FLASHES(like a speedy mini movie) - too fast to plant a memory - but enough so I SAW & FELT what MY PERPETRATORS DID - I saw THEIR EXPERIENCES. No, not what they did to me, as they did them. Rather, I saw things they had gone thru & I physically felt the emotional & physical pain that came along w/ each quick flash. I said, "wow, they went through hell - they had so much emotional pain - they were angry & bitter. They had horrible things happen to them". This same thing happened w/ every single person on my list. Then it hit me, having gone through my entire list: "oh my gosh, I can't hold it against them". Now, when I say that, by no means am I justifying anything they did. What I am saying is HURTING PEOPLE DO HURTFUL THINGS. They simply didn't know better. They acted out of all what they had inside of them. Doesn't make it right - it does help explain WHY & most important, that IT WASN'T MY FAULT. You see, they don't know better & different. They were so caught up in their cycle of dysfunction - it was THEIR NORM. Again, they didn't know better. I DID - I knew better & different = w/ facing my past & myself - I knew better. I could change the cycle - (no, not as I thought I could for FAR TOO MANY YEARS - BY CHANGING THEM & WAITING FOR THEM TO "OH I WAS WRONG") - BY CHANGING MYSELF. I could "forgive(lol, listen, God was really working some divine intervention w/ me & the hard head I had back then, lol)" + "let go" "face my past & myself" so I heal the surpressed emotions I had, so I don't do as they did - me taking responsibility for me - acting different & better. By me taking this JOURNEY - I have changed the cycle of dysfunction that is GENERATIONS OLD - by changing myself & healing w/in. It was an amazing thing. Funny, I love music & I work well(emotionally) w/ music on. During that very moving moment, I had Mary J. Blige on - NO MORE DRAMA. That moment was a gift to me.
There is nothing more important to me than ME FEELING GOOD(BETTER). Me choosing to learn forgiveness & forgiving & letting go - has been the best gift - liberating & free - such a eurphoric feeling. Forgiving them, liberated me. Forgiveness need not mean you invite them over for supper - it doesn't mean you need to have them in your life - remember, this is your life.
LENORE