don't kno where to start
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Guest
Snake,
Have you got the program? I think it could very helpful to you. Anger comes from a source and you saying you are in the military I can surely see why you would be angry from things you have seen, endured ect. I see that your location is Iraq, and I just want to say thank you for what you are doing for our Country. I think this program could be very good for you. I am only on my fourth session but it truly is helping. I suffer from anxiety but I have a lot of built up anger for things that I have been through in my past. The first thing I learned from this is that you cant hold on to that past, noone owes us anything, only we can make a change for today. I hope that you find the right answers and I hope that you will be able to conquer this, I really think you can. Thanks again for serving our Country you must be very proud....
Gina
Have you got the program? I think it could very helpful to you. Anger comes from a source and you saying you are in the military I can surely see why you would be angry from things you have seen, endured ect. I see that your location is Iraq, and I just want to say thank you for what you are doing for our Country. I think this program could be very good for you. I am only on my fourth session but it truly is helping. I suffer from anxiety but I have a lot of built up anger for things that I have been through in my past. The first thing I learned from this is that you cant hold on to that past, noone owes us anything, only we can make a change for today. I hope that you find the right answers and I hope that you will be able to conquer this, I really think you can. Thanks again for serving our Country you must be very proud....
Gina
Hi Snake,
First off props on what you do, that is an incredible accomplishment and such an honorable job to do each day.. I can see for sure however how it isnt probably just anger you suffer from, I have a feeling the anger is a manifestation of something else- perhaps your thinking style has become so negative of course you would feel angry all the time- I found once I started really working on my anxiety my depression, impatience, ocd, my anger disipated as well.. they are all related- is your anger covering for something else deep down you feel but dont want to admit or approach? finding the solution to the underlying problem will certainly fix your anger, as anger feelings will not be created by this underlying feeling. Like I said earlier, with your job alone I am sure your thinking has become very negative, catastrophic etc. this in turn will manifest into depression which turns into moodiness, hopelessness and then of course, anger- you are angry for a reason. Perhaps start working on you if that is possible- try to comfort yourself, have compassion for yourself and of course do the program if possible if not, Lucinda's book from Panic to Power is a great resource. Perhaps finding other books related to anger and other things you feel will help ease that pressure. I would like to suggest working on stopping the dwelling.. think of it as a vicious cycle- the more you dwell and feel anger, the angrier you will become and the cycle continues- break that cycle work with yourself and slooowww down, appreciate the precious momments in life the best you can, try and see the good side of things and comfort yourself with self talk such as: "I am feeling angry right now. Its ok, I have a reason to feel this way.. I am going to eat, exercise and relax, its no big deal, this will pass.." this will help break that cycle and help curb future anger.. I hope you see what I am getting at- I know, I tend to overwhelm people with information but I hope something I said helps..
You are not alone- most of us have had anger issues and have learned how to get through them- you can too! it is great you are reaching out and I hope you keep in touch.
Take Care and best wishes snake!
First off props on what you do, that is an incredible accomplishment and such an honorable job to do each day.. I can see for sure however how it isnt probably just anger you suffer from, I have a feeling the anger is a manifestation of something else- perhaps your thinking style has become so negative of course you would feel angry all the time- I found once I started really working on my anxiety my depression, impatience, ocd, my anger disipated as well.. they are all related- is your anger covering for something else deep down you feel but dont want to admit or approach? finding the solution to the underlying problem will certainly fix your anger, as anger feelings will not be created by this underlying feeling. Like I said earlier, with your job alone I am sure your thinking has become very negative, catastrophic etc. this in turn will manifest into depression which turns into moodiness, hopelessness and then of course, anger- you are angry for a reason. Perhaps start working on you if that is possible- try to comfort yourself, have compassion for yourself and of course do the program if possible if not, Lucinda's book from Panic to Power is a great resource. Perhaps finding other books related to anger and other things you feel will help ease that pressure. I would like to suggest working on stopping the dwelling.. think of it as a vicious cycle- the more you dwell and feel anger, the angrier you will become and the cycle continues- break that cycle work with yourself and slooowww down, appreciate the precious momments in life the best you can, try and see the good side of things and comfort yourself with self talk such as: "I am feeling angry right now. Its ok, I have a reason to feel this way.. I am going to eat, exercise and relax, its no big deal, this will pass.." this will help break that cycle and help curb future anger.. I hope you see what I am getting at- I know, I tend to overwhelm people with information but I hope something I said helps..
You are not alone- most of us have had anger issues and have learned how to get through them- you can too! it is great you are reaching out and I hope you keep in touch.
Take Care and best wishes snake!
Hey Snake,
Semper Fi from a former Marine if you're in the Corps. And if not, no matter - proud as I am, the Marines have no monopoly on courage and honor. I've met men and woman in the various branches I'd trust in a hot situation any day.
Are you currently taking StressCenter Program? I very much relate to what you're saying - anger is the largest issue for me to resolve in this program. Especially in the military, where forcefulness and aggressiveness are desirable traits given the nature of the work we do, angry attitudes and behaviors are often reinforced by the culture. Angry=strong, angry=manly, angry=I will not hesitate to fight if I have to.
It took me a while to learn that forcefulness and confidence are not the same thing as anger. Anger is a liability. God knows it's not a perfect world (else there'd be no such thing as war) and there's plenty to be angry about, but anger needs to be transformed into focus and determination. You've already taken the first step - you've recognized that your anger is a liability, not an asset. Anger's natural, but there's a way to keep it from spiraling out of control and to use it more effectively. The second step is to do some soul-searching and figure out where yours is coming from, and own it. Are you really angry at that guy who just bumped into you? Or are you angry because of something or someone in your past? The third step, and perhaps the most challenging, is to forgive. Forgive those whom you feel have done you wrong in the past. Forgive yourself if you feel there were times when you were weak or you let yourself down. That doesn't mean *forgetting*, but it does mean letting go of hostility and hate. You're in the driver's seat. You're a grown man who has many valuable things to offer the world. Don't hold on to anything that gets in the way of that. Do yourself, your unit, your friends and loved ones a favor and have the courage to let go.
The 4th step is learning assertive behavior, as opposed to hostile behavior. This is the most effective, and satisfying, way to stand up for yourself and win respect at the same time. That's covered in the next week of the StressCenter.com program.
If you're not taking the StressCenter.com program (admittedly, it's expensive and a little estrogen-heavy at times), there are a number of books on the subject of anger and assertiveness that can give you excellent instruction and insight.
Take the initiative and do something to address this problem pro-actively. I promise you'll feel 1,000% better.
Best,
C Maso
Semper Fi from a former Marine if you're in the Corps. And if not, no matter - proud as I am, the Marines have no monopoly on courage and honor. I've met men and woman in the various branches I'd trust in a hot situation any day.
Are you currently taking StressCenter Program? I very much relate to what you're saying - anger is the largest issue for me to resolve in this program. Especially in the military, where forcefulness and aggressiveness are desirable traits given the nature of the work we do, angry attitudes and behaviors are often reinforced by the culture. Angry=strong, angry=manly, angry=I will not hesitate to fight if I have to.
It took me a while to learn that forcefulness and confidence are not the same thing as anger. Anger is a liability. God knows it's not a perfect world (else there'd be no such thing as war) and there's plenty to be angry about, but anger needs to be transformed into focus and determination. You've already taken the first step - you've recognized that your anger is a liability, not an asset. Anger's natural, but there's a way to keep it from spiraling out of control and to use it more effectively. The second step is to do some soul-searching and figure out where yours is coming from, and own it. Are you really angry at that guy who just bumped into you? Or are you angry because of something or someone in your past? The third step, and perhaps the most challenging, is to forgive. Forgive those whom you feel have done you wrong in the past. Forgive yourself if you feel there were times when you were weak or you let yourself down. That doesn't mean *forgetting*, but it does mean letting go of hostility and hate. You're in the driver's seat. You're a grown man who has many valuable things to offer the world. Don't hold on to anything that gets in the way of that. Do yourself, your unit, your friends and loved ones a favor and have the courage to let go.
The 4th step is learning assertive behavior, as opposed to hostile behavior. This is the most effective, and satisfying, way to stand up for yourself and win respect at the same time. That's covered in the next week of the StressCenter.com program.
If you're not taking the StressCenter.com program (admittedly, it's expensive and a little estrogen-heavy at times), there are a number of books on the subject of anger and assertiveness that can give you excellent instruction and insight.
Take the initiative and do something to address this problem pro-actively. I promise you'll feel 1,000% better.
Best,
C Maso
Last edited by Xophe on Mon Mar 03, 2008 6:59 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Guest
Ok guys,
How do I know what I'm angry about? You're right it's not the guy who bumped into me or cut me off on the highway, so how do I really identify what it is? I've completed the anger session and am now on session 8, but I don't really feel I've identified what is bothering me. How do I pinpoint the "real" issue? Any advice?
How do I know what I'm angry about? You're right it's not the guy who bumped into me or cut me off on the highway, so how do I really identify what it is? I've completed the anger session and am now on session 8, but I don't really feel I've identified what is bothering me. How do I pinpoint the "real" issue? Any advice?
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monty'smom
- Posts: 151
- Joined: Thu Sep 04, 2008 3:14 pm
(Jugray - I thought I was responding to Snake when I wrote this. No matter - think you'll find it useful advice anyway...)
You have to do some soul-searching, spend some time taking an honest look at your life's experiences and what you've taken from them. Is there anyone you can talk to? A chaplain, or an officer or NCO whom you respect?
Anger doesn't spring from a vacuum - it has a source. I'd suggest spending some time asking yourself what yours is directed at. Ms. Bassett suggests that anger is a learned behavior, usually learned early on. Did you grow up in a household where there was alcoholism, or where anger was the norm of expression? Where anger was demonstrated to be a tool to exert dominance or to get what you want?
But I submit that it's probably not all that important to pinpoint the exact source. It's enough to admit that anger's become an addiction (of sorts), and to recognize that for whatever reason you're using it as a tool, a defense mechanism, whatever, and that it's not helping.
It also helps if you know someone from whom you can take an example. I remember having friends in the Corps whom I knew were quietly strong, confident, cool-headed and competent, hardly ever got angry at anything, usually chuckled off the small stuff. I decided to hang out with them more, try being more like them, and you know, it was much easier than I thought. As primates, we're hard-wired to adopt behaviors and attitudes from our companions. Why not use that to our advantage?
You have to do some soul-searching, spend some time taking an honest look at your life's experiences and what you've taken from them. Is there anyone you can talk to? A chaplain, or an officer or NCO whom you respect?
Anger doesn't spring from a vacuum - it has a source. I'd suggest spending some time asking yourself what yours is directed at. Ms. Bassett suggests that anger is a learned behavior, usually learned early on. Did you grow up in a household where there was alcoholism, or where anger was the norm of expression? Where anger was demonstrated to be a tool to exert dominance or to get what you want?
But I submit that it's probably not all that important to pinpoint the exact source. It's enough to admit that anger's become an addiction (of sorts), and to recognize that for whatever reason you're using it as a tool, a defense mechanism, whatever, and that it's not helping.
It also helps if you know someone from whom you can take an example. I remember having friends in the Corps whom I knew were quietly strong, confident, cool-headed and competent, hardly ever got angry at anything, usually chuckled off the small stuff. I decided to hang out with them more, try being more like them, and you know, it was much easier than I thought. As primates, we're hard-wired to adopt behaviors and attitudes from our companions. Why not use that to our advantage?
BELIEVE YOU CAN CONQUER ANYTHING~ AND YOU WILL !! I DID IT, YES !!!!!
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Guest
I grew up in a "normal" household. My father was a self-built driven man who never drank ever in our presence. Today he owns his own research and development company which is doing very well. My mother was a stay at home mom. We were raised in the Catholic church. We had everything we needed growing up and still pretty much do. We traveled the world over. The only thing traumatic that happened in my childhood is that my oldest brother was killed in a car wreck the day after my 9th birthday. That's pretty much it.