Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part5
Posted: Wed Dec 04, 2013 7:46 pm
So I started to do my speed walking as my exercising and I did that and it felt pretty good.
Since we started lesson 5, I've been more concerned about the part of the program where we are to face our limitations, I feel scared about that and I've noticed that my mind is trying to sabotage my efforts. I sat down with this and came to the realization that I've been thinking so much about how that means I have to start work and it makes me think well what-if I can't do it and I fail....What came to me then was to get the idea of work out of my mind for now, I do have many other limitations to work on and I can start with the most simpliest ones such as keeping my room clean and tidy! Another thing my main goal is not to overcome my limitations and so I really don't have to focus on this, my main goal is to become the best version of myself so i can enjoy life to it's fullest and so thats what i'm goign to focus on now....
and it just turns out that facing my limitations can actually help me achieve this goal. It also has me looking at my other goals in life....in all reality my goals are emotional ones and the goals I have had (for instance the ones on lesson 1) are just a means to get those emotional goals. However I can learn to get those emotional goals fulfilled in the moment and then continue to build on them through the goals I have put in lesson 1, so I can feel it the whole way through and keep expanding instead of just wishing for better days ahead.
Another insight; This whole co-dependancy thing, I've realized that well life is more about emotions than anything else. We want to feel happy, we want to feel loved, we want to feel secure and it seems that when we aren't able to give these things to ourselves we strive to get them outside of ourselves and we see certain people that we perceive that could fulfill those emotional needs. The only problem is that the emotions come from within and it really is only our perception that creates the emotions, people don't give us the emotions....people may do things that we perceive as loving and caring and that can trigger it but the act itself does not, the person could do that act and in other circumstances it might not trigger the emotion.
The same can be said for negative situations...I've been getting really deep into my negative thought patterns so much so that I'm starting to see where they are coming from. I had mentioned a little bit ago about my abuse and the neglect, there was also my sister who criticized me whenever I'd get excited or feel good about something and in all reality, it really was not the abuse, the neglect or the criticism that hurt me, it was how I interpreted it and how I interpreted myself based on what happened.
ie. My sister criticizing it, I took that as it was not right for me to be happy and excited and people didn't like that...it was a distorted untrue thought. In all reality, people enjoy high energy and enthusiasm, it brings the energy up but people who are bitter and feel really bad about themselves are the ones who have a problem with it...I was simply enjoying myself, being genuine and doing what any normal kid would do and my sister was having a problem with it but I perceived it as my own problem and I had carried that thought pattern up until now and I had felt the strong negative feelings whenever I wanted to get excited and its only because of the thought pattern and now I have a chance to change that.
And this goes for the neglect and abuse and most of the other thought patterns I've carried...they felt like they were true just because of the emotions that came up with them but they were lies. I'm really a wonderful, caring, loving individual that has every right to a great life, to express my excitement and enthusiasm and is deserving of respect, acknowledgement, and whatever other good things the world has to offer. I am feeling extremely good right now because of this new understanding. I understand so now I can really start to let it go and live by a new and more healthy belief system that works more to my benefit and is more based in reality!
Mike
Since we started lesson 5, I've been more concerned about the part of the program where we are to face our limitations, I feel scared about that and I've noticed that my mind is trying to sabotage my efforts. I sat down with this and came to the realization that I've been thinking so much about how that means I have to start work and it makes me think well what-if I can't do it and I fail....What came to me then was to get the idea of work out of my mind for now, I do have many other limitations to work on and I can start with the most simpliest ones such as keeping my room clean and tidy! Another thing my main goal is not to overcome my limitations and so I really don't have to focus on this, my main goal is to become the best version of myself so i can enjoy life to it's fullest and so thats what i'm goign to focus on now....
and it just turns out that facing my limitations can actually help me achieve this goal. It also has me looking at my other goals in life....in all reality my goals are emotional ones and the goals I have had (for instance the ones on lesson 1) are just a means to get those emotional goals. However I can learn to get those emotional goals fulfilled in the moment and then continue to build on them through the goals I have put in lesson 1, so I can feel it the whole way through and keep expanding instead of just wishing for better days ahead.
Another insight; This whole co-dependancy thing, I've realized that well life is more about emotions than anything else. We want to feel happy, we want to feel loved, we want to feel secure and it seems that when we aren't able to give these things to ourselves we strive to get them outside of ourselves and we see certain people that we perceive that could fulfill those emotional needs. The only problem is that the emotions come from within and it really is only our perception that creates the emotions, people don't give us the emotions....people may do things that we perceive as loving and caring and that can trigger it but the act itself does not, the person could do that act and in other circumstances it might not trigger the emotion.
The same can be said for negative situations...I've been getting really deep into my negative thought patterns so much so that I'm starting to see where they are coming from. I had mentioned a little bit ago about my abuse and the neglect, there was also my sister who criticized me whenever I'd get excited or feel good about something and in all reality, it really was not the abuse, the neglect or the criticism that hurt me, it was how I interpreted it and how I interpreted myself based on what happened.
ie. My sister criticizing it, I took that as it was not right for me to be happy and excited and people didn't like that...it was a distorted untrue thought. In all reality, people enjoy high energy and enthusiasm, it brings the energy up but people who are bitter and feel really bad about themselves are the ones who have a problem with it...I was simply enjoying myself, being genuine and doing what any normal kid would do and my sister was having a problem with it but I perceived it as my own problem and I had carried that thought pattern up until now and I had felt the strong negative feelings whenever I wanted to get excited and its only because of the thought pattern and now I have a chance to change that.
And this goes for the neglect and abuse and most of the other thought patterns I've carried...they felt like they were true just because of the emotions that came up with them but they were lies. I'm really a wonderful, caring, loving individual that has every right to a great life, to express my excitement and enthusiasm and is deserving of respect, acknowledgement, and whatever other good things the world has to offer. I am feeling extremely good right now because of this new understanding. I understand so now I can really start to let it go and live by a new and more healthy belief system that works more to my benefit and is more based in reality!
Mike