Empowering Group Program Run-through part5

[forever young 06]

well mike if I could be totally free from all anxiety and fears and be healthy it would be okay to live forever but in the state I am in I don't know. now with my believeth in God I will live in a perfect world some day. with no sickness no dying and that is a good feeling actually that is my meditation I use. I don't have the trouble with people, my agrophobia is the out on the road being far from home the feeling I may never get back home what if I get lost? the feeling like I am going to be wandering around in forever land that is my biggest fear. I have had a hard time facing this in areas that I am afraid of and I like you don't want to but like Lucinda and dr fischer say you have to have the skills and you have to face your fears. I need to realize that because if you don't you are stuck where you are. you are doing good with your eating. I am not doing so well I had ice cream last night as I couldn't stay awake and thought eating might help espeally the cold but all it did was make me cold and I still kept going to sleep. I am going to keep trying to do better and not add stress to it though as that will work aginst me. I think we have a lot to learn, mike like you I didn't learn a lot of life skills but I feel like I need to find what I want to do and go forward make my own new ways things I want to do. I can't change my past but I can change my future.

[THH]

Hi everyone. My internet is down, a repair guy is coming out today between 2-4. I'm doing okay and I will post later when I can use my own computer at home.

[bradley1960]

Mike,
Those six step pictures are awesome. On my first run through this course there were two high anxiety moments I found it difficult to take the time to take the carry along card out of my wallet and read it. Those two times were 1) preparing to leave for work in the morning, as I would procrastinate till the last minute to avoid the symptoms as long as possable and 2) whenever a car I was working on became difficult, broken bolts, incorrect diagnosis etc. Difficult meant more time and since I work on a commission more time meant less money and falling behind schedule. so from the beginning I copied the cards by hand and posted the current week on my tool box and my bathroom mirror. The six steps stayed posted with the current week. this worked so well for me that I never removed the six steps and I rewrite them each time they fade. But now I am going to print your six step pictures, laminate them and replace both of my hand written lists with those pictures. Thank you so much for sharing. My bathroom mirror and my tool box will now have a much more inviting reminder!

[Ninjafrodo2]

ForeverYoung;
Well luckily for us the program helps teach us life skills and we can also gain life skills from each other . Have you ever gotten really lost when you were out on the road?

And why were you trying to stay awake last night and not let yourself go to sleep?


Bradley1960;
Thank you for joining us! I really love your post about posting the cards on your toolbox and bathroom mirror, it is really inspiring and I'm honored that you plan to print and laminate the pictures I made. I am a visual type person and I had tried to use affirmations and written reminders but they just look like boring words to me and it was just so tedious to read them over and over again...but pictures are definately more exciting don't you think? And I'm planning to laminate them myself and just carry them in my backpack. I have several other projects on the go as well that might be of interest.

THH;
No worries, we'll still be here.


Mike

[Ninjafrodo2]

Yay the yo-yo effect...back and forth between fearing the body symptoms and then recognizing and accepting the symptoms...I keep falling back into the idea that situations and circumstances themselves are really scary and dangerous and produce anxiety when in all reality it is just my own perception. I'm still afraid of the body symptoms but I am more aware that they are there because something is bothering me (Step 1 of the 6 steps). I'm also seeing that yes what is bothering me is often different from the original thoughts.

For instance....I was trying to do some exercise today (running) and it started out feeling ok but then I felt aweful and it seemed to just get worse and I was listening to music and many memories and thoughts of past situations and one possible future situation flooded into my mind....but what was really bothering me (Step 6)? Well this was interesting and I actually had to get home first and eat and let this question sit for awhile....I thought maybe it was because I hadn't eaten anything besides an apple before I left for my run, or maybe I didn't want to run and instead wanted to do another exercise....well I figured out that yeah I didn't really want to run today but underneath that I realize that I actually have been doing waaaaaaaaaay too much stuff when it comes to facing the anxiety that I hadn't let myself do enjoyable things like watch tv shows or play videogames or anything like that. I was resenting myself for that and I was putting so much on my plate not because I wanted to get better but because I am trying to run away from the spacy feelings again. Its like, I don't want to feel these things so I"m going to do everything I physically and mentally can in order to get over this as fast as humanly possible although like MapleLane I was trying to be super human! Well i'm still being scared of them and its still going to keep me stuck because it really is me fleeing and what is anxiety? Anxiety is apart of the fight or flight response, it gets triggered by trying to do either and i'm trying to run from the anxiety, i'm trying to run from myself.

One thing that MapleLane mentioned was some of her more hidden shoulds and it does make me realize that yeah alot of those are what are still keeping me trying to run away from my spacy feelings. I have several limitations but the only ones that really scare me are the social ones and I think alot of that has to do with the shoulds. I have a fear of heights but I know I can get over that one and be fine, I'm not too scared of attempting that but when it comes to being around other people and facing my social anxiety, I'm afraid that i'm not going to be able to measure up to my own expectations and what-if people catch me on that and try to nail me for not doing that because in their own minds they may have the same kinds of expectations...and some people do (perfectionism, not making sense, being slow to respond), but also some people may see some of my weaknesses and what-if they try to attack them, I know when I get into that anxious state, I am all foggy brained and then many times if the person tries to make me look like i'm wrong with how I approach them in my assertiveness, I may actually take that on just out of my own doubt when in that anxious state. I have however gotten to a point in my very first run through where the anxiety spike lasted for less than a minute and I was calm even when someone was yelling at me...but I think it kind of helped that I thought he was an idiot already, it kept me from taking what he said seriously (although I know thats not really such a good thing to label people as idiots). I think I've seen other people use that defence before as well.

Its not really the task, the person or the circumstances that cause the anxiety...alot of it we create with our thoughts and our imaginations...and to keep that in mind I have actually added this picture along with the 6 steps;


Tomorrow I will be facing a limitation and that is singing in front of people but i'm not doing it so much because it is a limitation as much as I really love to sing and its great to have people who listen while I do it and I do like the clapping after as well! There is also the possibility that I run into my X karaoke buddy whom I had a falling out. So we'll see how that goes, I'm going to psyche myself up as much as I can, I'm going to carry around the 6 steps as well as a few other cards to help me out and i'm going to do thought replacements and exercise and I'll be with some friends that I feel comfortable with. I'm feeling a bit anxious about it but kind of excited too because i'll be doing the thing that I love to do the most which is sing.


Thought replacements;
1)When I send a message to people on facebook or Plenty of fish, they should respond back because its the polite thing to do and vice versa

Should
It would be nice if people did resopnd back because I wanted to talk to them but they don't have to talk to me if they really don't want to, they don't owe me anything and I also don't have to respond if I don't want to either and it doesn't mean anything except that me or the other person just don't want to talk right now and thats ok.

2)If i'm a good person then I should be accepted by everyone

should
Not everyone is going to like me no matter how positive, kind, compassionate, successful, loving, right or "perfect" that I am. Some people are going to find things in me that bother them no matter what and sometimes they could even be bothered by how well I'm doing because they're jealous. Also some people I just won't mesh with because our lifestyles, morals and beliefs are different.

3)My friend got angry at me and stopped being my friend because of how I was so I shouldn't have been that way, i'm bad for being that way, it just pushes people away.

Personalization, Overgeneralization
It really isn't my fault that I am the way that I am right now and that I'm struggling with many things, guilt included...this doesn't make me a bad person its just sometimes people don't understand and don't tolerate it well and choose to leave. Their response doesn't make me a bad person, it doesn't make them a bad person either and not everybody responds exactly the same way as he did.

4)What-if I start living in the moment and I become more observant and I notice more people being nasty to me and I feel the full affect of it and don't know what to do and then can't handle it?

Magnification/minimization
People aren't out there waiting for me to come around so they can be mean to me and treat me badly and besides, I have the skills to deal with the thoughts and feelings and if i'm in the moment, I'll be better prepared and in a better position to respond well because I'll be responding from a place of clarity instead of a place of bewilderment and confusion.


Mike

[THH]

Mike I feel like you wrote about in your first paragraph, like a yo-yo.

Yay the yo-yo effect...back and forth between fearing the body symptoms and then recognizing and accepting the symptoms...I keep falling back into the idea that situations and circumstances themselves are really scary and dangerous and produce anxiety when in all reality it is just my own perception. I'm still afraid of the body symptoms but I am more aware that they are there because something is bothering me (Step 1 of the 6 steps). I'm also seeing that yes what is bothering me is often different from the original thoughts.

MEEEEEE TOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I read a post from Coach Chris that I really liked and found helpful. I tried to find it again but can't so I will post what I can remember. I'm not sure if anyone else has trouble with the 6 steps but at times I do.
Her post went something like this:
A- Accepting & Acknowledging the adrenalin. No need to fight it or fear it. Try & float.
B- Breathing- use the 2-4 belly breathing taught in the relax tape.
C - Comforting, calming & compassionate self talk.
----Create- 5 truthful statements, you can repeat here.
D- Distraction, tune into other sensory experiences going on around you.
What are 5 things you are hearing, 5 objects you are touching, 5 things that are purple.

This was the basics that she wrote. For some reason this helped me over the last few days when I felt those spacy feelings where you are here but your not really. I don't know if this makes sense or not, but for some reason I was duding out with a distraction. These examples gave me something to focus on and surprisingly got my mind going forward rather than staying stuck. I woke up the other morning feeling the adrenalin. I do pretty good at recognize, and automatic watch my breathing, noting I do hold my breath, or breathe shallow. I remind my self that I am okay, and most of the time I do keep telling myself that I am okay. But picking 5 things to tune into was good. Just thought I would mention it as I did get over it in record time and moved forward in my day. My feelings popped up several times through out the day and I just did the same thing over again. So a new trick to use.

I printed out your pictures too because they are very nice, but have not had time to organize them on sturdier paper. But I will.

I hope your singing went well, and you are having some fun!

Have a good evening everyone!

[forever young 06]

mike I no I have never gotten lost out on the road. how can you get lost on an open road. the only thing is you can't reason with anxiety you have to learn to not be afraid. not easy. The reason I was trying to stay awake was it was too early to go to bed. don't laugh but I go to bed about 9 and get up about 3:30 I know this is crazy but I can't sleep early of the morning. I have been doing this for yrs. probably 20 very crazy. well of course you get up that early by 7 you are getting very sleepy and that is why I was so sleepy. I haven't done well with this week. I have only listened to the lesson cd once. the relaxtion cd I haven't listened to for 2 days. I will try to do better next week. maybe today.

THH did you get much snow Friday? we didn't get any then but we are getting ice this morning. I hope it gets better soon as I would hate to lose electric. I have felt better the last few days after mond and tues not bad. now today don't feel so well. I guess it is like you said a yo yo up and down. that is where our patience needs to come into play.

[Ninjafrodo2]

Hey so another interesting thing came to me. We haven't really talked about the cognitive distortions much but if you look back to lesson 3 in the workbook you will notice the cognitive distortion of mental filtering....basically what happens is that you tend to see the negative thing and focus only on that and you cannot really see the positive or whenever someone tries to bring it to your attention it doesn't have an emotional reaction and instead feels empty...well when we practice gratitude, it helps to correct this distortion. By focusing on being greatful on a regular basis you are literally trainning your mind to look at the good things and to see the whole picture instead of just a filtered part. When you practice gratitude you help develop the skill of being able to look at the bright side of a situation that seems really negative as well and that helps you to bounce back easier and it helps you get positive feelings from many different areas around you instead of expecting (yes there is that word again), and I guess depending on it from very specific sources which could let you down.

I also got some ideas when ti comes to fear...fear can be so crippling don't you think? Perception is key! There was one book I read that had alot of great things in it but one thing that applies here is the part about change, it had said when change happens to view it as an adventure. Well I think the same could be said when it comes to fear and the fear of limitations, to view that as adventure. How can you make facing a limitation exciting? Maybe you could view yourself as a superhero or your favorite idol, maybe you could set it up where it is an epic adventure like a Lord of the Rings thing

...but instead of taking a ring to a lava pit you could be taking yourself to a social situation where you are relaying very important top secret information to the right people and by doing that, you will be saving the world...I dunno.

Oh and the singing was great however a couple people didn't even show up and that was ok, my other friend and I made the most out of it. I got to sing 3 songs and I was somewhat self conscious and there were judgemental thoughts that came up into my mind, I didn't do the best that I think I could have with all the songs but I still did pretty good and it felt great! And I didn't have to deal with seeing my X karaoke buddy whom I had that falling out with so it was all good and I think it helped that I went into it with good energy and good intentions. Its also interesting to see what a wonderful experience we have going through the program and learning about anxiety and such because we are learning how to deal with this at a basic level and it can work with anything that causes anxiety and I say that because my friend who isn't struggling the way I am couldn't get himself to go up because of anxiety of singing in front of people as well as this other lady nearby at another table. So really, everybody has anxiety and we get the chance to face all of it, even the anxieties that a majority of the population might struggle with. If we can overcome anxiety then there really is nothing we can't do.

I'm so glad that i'm not the only one doing the yo-yoing like THH mentioned...this is really challenging but then again I guess it should (lol) be because in a way we are really changing our whole life around, at least internally. If you think about it, anxiety has been such a huge part of our existance...our choices are heavily influenced by anxiety and what will be less likely to create anxiety, also when situations do come up we end up getting creative in order to avoid more struggle, the thoughts that we have, the people we associate with even the things we read and write are influenced greatly by anxiety, maybe we do need to give ourselves a bit of a break huh?

Thank you THH for that easier to use and alternative steps, that last part is something that I learned in mindfulness. The idea is to dilute the unpleasant sensations or things with pleasant or neutral type things, the same way one would dilute acid in water. I actually read this last night and today tried it at the Dentist office when I was getting a cavity filled. For some reason I seemed more anxious about the freezing needle then normal but then I did dilute it with other sounds and how I felt in the rest of my body and it definately helped and it also helped me to realize that the needle only ever really feels like a bit of a sting which is temporary and then quickly goes away. It helped so thank you and thank you Coachchris for posting this, it was very helpful.

And yeah THH I get it...you know you are here physically but you don't feel like you are there in your mind....like reality is not real, kind of feeling...I guess like you are in Lala land. Sounds like you're doing well, great job!

I'm glad you printed them...maybe now isn't the time yet to organize them yet. I'm still working on that page. I got the 6 steps but I also got that picture about what the spaciness symptom is in there as well as the picture about how alot of the pain we feel is just thoughts. I was thinking of adding a few of the different things that can cause anxiety (anticipatory, expecations, poor food) but i'm not quite sure yet.

ForeverYoung;
I didn't even bother trying to listen to the lesson cd for this session more than once and I don't feel bad about that at all and thats fine if you didn't either.

Ah ok I see and no I am not laughing at that...it sounds healthier than my sleeping habits!

I guess your being lost out on the road is just one of your obsessive scary thoughts kind of like with THH and her dentistry/doctor type scary thoughts or my being completely alone or losing an eye type scary thoughts.


Mike

[THH]

Mike,
I like what you said about cognitive distortions, grateful makes one think of all the wonderful things we have for a fact in our lives, rather than think of all the things we do not. Or looking for things we have rather than what we lack. I believe it does take time to be a glass 1/2 full person. I think we of all people, with anxiety could become 1/2 full people. We are so good at scaring ourselves and thinking of the scariest stuff, with training we could be positive happy people. I like the simple things in life as it is. I just have to practice and do more practice!

Yes fear is crippling. It sucks the life right out of you. It is sad that we developed this bad habit. Maybe one day we will be able to prepare ourselves better and look and feel like it is a adventure, that would be great. Again for me the trick is catching everything before I get in the advanced stages of anxiety. At that point I can't think much. I've already used my imagination on my scary thoughts or fear.

Great job on your singing...

I also was thinking of how many days I stay home and do not come into contact with people. I think a new goal for me is to go out at least a few times a week and be around them. I love being home, and much of the time I am alone, the phone is my connection to the world. I don't mind most of the time, but I see where I need to get out more. I tend to isolate. Then when I do get into crowds it bothers me. I get overwhelmed with too many people too close to me in my space.

So glad it helped you too with Coach Chris post. I found it helpful as well. Glad it went well at the dentist.
When I went to the dentist, I took 1/2 a pill. I was still so nervous, afraid of what they would tell me, I always freeze in the chair. My dentist ask me if I had any questions. I said no, basically because I could not even focus on 1 question of many, that I had but could not talk! LOL... So when I got out my husband ask me if I ask him about this bump I had on my gum/ jaw. ( I had discovered it a few months ago.) I said no, he said you go back in there. Long story short, They took me back and I told him I have high anxiety but I do have a problem starting and please don't scare me but will you look at this bump. And he looked and said it is just the way your jaw is, nothing is wrong. I was soooooo relieved because I wanted to know but didn't. My hands sweat and I was holding my breath like I was going to jump off a cliff. But the relief I felt has given me more time away from the scary dental thoughts. YEY. I was always worried but to fearful to find out facts. I'm going to beat this crap yet!

Forever Young,
How you doing? No we didn't get much snow just cold. Our ground is covered and the ground is freezing so if we do get snow it will be around for awhile.
Yes, up and down is how I am as well. More up than down so that is progress. It is hard with the holidays coming, but we do have to take time to care for ourselves as well. Put the armor on and get ready to win! We can!!!!

[forever young 06]

mike thanks for the encouragement. I will not stress then over not listening to lesson 5 more than once. I haven't listened to tape 6 yet. I have lost the cd and I have a cassette but I have 4 players and none of them work or I am doing something wrong. I can listen to it in my vehicle but that would be awful cold out there. I will work on those players today. good job with the singing. you are working hard on understanding yourself and your limitations good job.

THH I too stay at home a lot especially thru the week. I want to get out more but it is cold and am trying to not spend so much money on gas. I like you have a way to drive to get into town. I would love to visit the nursing home my mother was in there are some friends there I would love to see. I hope to soon. I finished my decorations yesterday. I wasn't going to put them up. little lazy but knew my grandbabies would enjoy.