Empowering Group Program Run-through part5

[Ninjafrodo2]

So I started to do my speed walking as my exercising and I did that and it felt pretty good.

Since we started lesson 5, I've been more concerned about the part of the program where we are to face our limitations, I feel scared about that and I've noticed that my mind is trying to sabotage my efforts. I sat down with this and came to the realization that I've been thinking so much about how that means I have to start work and it makes me think well what-if I can't do it and I fail....What came to me then was to get the idea of work out of my mind for now, I do have many other limitations to work on and I can start with the most simpliest ones such as keeping my room clean and tidy! Another thing my main goal is not to overcome my limitations and so I really don't have to focus on this, my main goal is to become the best version of myself so i can enjoy life to it's fullest and so thats what i'm goign to focus on now....


and it just turns out that facing my limitations can actually help me achieve this goal. It also has me looking at my other goals in life....in all reality my goals are emotional ones and the goals I have had (for instance the ones on lesson 1) are just a means to get those emotional goals. However I can learn to get those emotional goals fulfilled in the moment and then continue to build on them through the goals I have put in lesson 1, so I can feel it the whole way through and keep expanding instead of just wishing for better days ahead.


Another insight; This whole co-dependancy thing, I've realized that well life is more about emotions than anything else. We want to feel happy, we want to feel loved, we want to feel secure and it seems that when we aren't able to give these things to ourselves we strive to get them outside of ourselves and we see certain people that we perceive that could fulfill those emotional needs. The only problem is that the emotions come from within and it really is only our perception that creates the emotions, people don't give us the emotions....people may do things that we perceive as loving and caring and that can trigger it but the act itself does not, the person could do that act and in other circumstances it might not trigger the emotion.

The same can be said for negative situations...I've been getting really deep into my negative thought patterns so much so that I'm starting to see where they are coming from. I had mentioned a little bit ago about my abuse and the neglect, there was also my sister who criticized me whenever I'd get excited or feel good about something and in all reality, it really was not the abuse, the neglect or the criticism that hurt me, it was how I interpreted it and how I interpreted myself based on what happened.

ie. My sister criticizing it, I took that as it was not right for me to be happy and excited and people didn't like that...it was a distorted untrue thought. In all reality, people enjoy high energy and enthusiasm, it brings the energy up but people who are bitter and feel really bad about themselves are the ones who have a problem with it...I was simply enjoying myself, being genuine and doing what any normal kid would do and my sister was having a problem with it but I perceived it as my own problem and I had carried that thought pattern up until now and I had felt the strong negative feelings whenever I wanted to get excited and its only because of the thought pattern and now I have a chance to change that.

And this goes for the neglect and abuse and most of the other thought patterns I've carried...they felt like they were true just because of the emotions that came up with them but they were lies. I'm really a wonderful, caring, loving individual that has every right to a great life, to express my excitement and enthusiasm and is deserving of respect, acknowledgement, and whatever other good things the world has to offer. I am feeling extremely good right now because of this new understanding. I understand so now I can really start to let it go and live by a new and more healthy belief system that works more to my benefit and is more based in reality!


Mike

[Ninjafrodo2]

ForeverYoung;
Great job for trying with the healthy eating, that is an accomplishment in itself..

You mentioned you could buy caffine free but your husband wouldn't go with that...would he have to? Could you have both caffine and caffine free coffee? What about if you were to replace your coffee with something that you actually enjoyed more? I know it can be difficult to go off of diffrent enjoyable foods and beverages but if you can find something that tastes even better and is healthier for you then wouldn't that make it alot easier?

And you also mentioned that everytime you say you are doing better you fall back...its fine for that to be the way it is right now, you may fall back but you still come back and keep trying and thats what really counts, not the part where you fall back, everybody falls back on their goals from time to time, so just see that as apart of the process, allow yourself to fall back from time to time its ok.

Thank you! The pictures have been doing just that, honestly with all the run throughs of the program that I have done, not once was I able to go through all the 6 steps!!! and it was because I kept forgetting about them.

If you are finding the exercise hard to do, is there a way you can make it more exciting? I have some suggestions if you do get stuck on that.

THH;
I have to agree with you on diet being tricky to change...one thing that seems to work for me is to find something that tastes better and yet is healthier. Most of what I eat isn't processed at all...the peanut butter and apple/banana is a great example of one of the things I do like to eat. Smoothes are another good thing that taste good and are really healthy, I just some apples or pears along with several vegetables and that tastes really good, much better than coolaid or pop or coffee in my opinion. I just started back making kale chips (dehydrated so they still retain alot of their nutrients), sometimes I buy indian food in packets and heat that up in water and its done in 5 minutes and there aren't added sugar or preservatives or anything bad in there. There are also teas that you don't need to add any kind of sweetener because they are naturally sweet like licorish tea.

Denice's Program for causing anxiety and depression is in the humor section, I'll post in there so it comes at the top.

You said it well when it comes to other people's problems and your approach is a very good one. It actually reminds me of this picture quote;

Not only does it help them, it also helps us to feel good amidst their negativity.

Well i'm glad you posted the dictionary definition of what selfish is, because it does help bring light to the fact that we aren't selfish for taking care of ourselves. We want to help other people because we don't want them to suffer but we also want to take care of ourselves too. David D Burns in his book said when you just jump in to offer advice or help, it can come across as bossy and like you aren't understanding and in a way that is true (or at least the last part). When we get the surface level problem we go to give them advice based on what we think works which is likely based on our own experience of the situation...however our situation may not be exactly the same as the other person's situation...they may have other factors that brought them to the situation or keep them in there. For us we both know that we don't all have the exact same limitations and sometimes there is a limitation which keeps them stuck that was not expressed along with the problem that has come up...and if they are not able to go into that problem to figure out where that issue is then there really isn't much you can do...its like a weed, you can chop off the leaves but if the root is still there then its going to grow back.



Mike

[forever young 06]

mike I like you too dread when it says it is now time to face your limitations. we don't need to stress about this as like you said we need to start with the least problem then work down. I know my problem I have never wanted to face mine. that is why I have never fully over came my agrophobia this is my worst problem. I want to be free and have always put it on the back burner but would like to get over it some day. that is why I am doing this program hoping I can over come. mike I saw where you used to be agrophobic. I may have more limitations I just need to search for them of course I have developed health anxiety with my new anxiety this time. I am having to try to over come this at this time. I have buried so much of my feelings it is going to take some searching. what kind of drinks could I subistute for coffee ? I could use a few suggesting.

THH I go to the dr today we will see if she is working if not I will need to find a new dr. I wish we had more options. I am working hard on staying in the present and not letting anxiety take control of me. I have fell behind with my journaling. I have a hard time keeping every thing in line. I don't need this to become stressful though.

[MapleLane]

Yay! Sonic the Hedgehog!! Did you have those video games growing up?
One Christmas our Aunts and Uncles banded together and bought us kids a communal present of a Sega Genesis game system, and Sonic the Hedgehog was our first game.

[MapleLane]

By the way, I added a few more things into the Lesson 4 folder. It's late I know!
Just letting you all know in case you feel like reading them.
Don't feel you have to respond. I don't want to backtrack us - I just wanted to get those up.

[MapleLane]

Hey guys - lets think of Ninja's 'baby steps' photo when we think of facing our fears.
The way I've moved past some of my agoraphobic limitations (and not fallen back) was essentially by baby steps. I faced those fears in small increments. Repeating the same little step until it didn't hold me back any more. It goes kind of slow, but it's the only way I've found (for myself) to make progress that sticks long-term.
I'm hoping to keep applying this strategy to the agoraphobic limitations that remain to be dealt with.

[MapleLane]

Ninja:

Once again I was really impressed by how perceptive your insights are! In this case you were talking about about seeing where some of your deep negative thought patterns come from. You mentioned the neglect, abuse and criticism. And how you interpreted it and interpreted yourself based on it. And how a lot of negative thought patterns stem from that.
Very insightful!

I am only concerned that you not blame yourself for starting the negative thought patterns, as you said, "it really was not the abuse, the neglect or the criticism that hurt me, it was how I interpreted it and how I interpreted myself based on what happened."
You and I do not abuse, neglect or criticize people because we know that it hurts people. It damages their sense of self, and squashes their sense of self worth.

Despite you thinking in some negative thought patterns, it is not your fault that the negative thought patterns stemmed from those experiences.
We're a socially oriented species and we're programmed to look to others for feedback on ourselves. Of course this doesn't mean that we should always believe the feedback we are getting. It just means that it is very natural for anyone, especially a young boy, to take that information and internalize it. In fact it is unreasonable to expect a child to not interpret it and internalize it that way. That is why we are careful to treat children kindly since they are in the process of mentally and emotionally gathering information that makes a portrait of themselves and their self worth. We give them the foundations for loving themselves and believing in themselves - we do not expect that a child will learn it on their own.
That your family did not do that for you makes your insights and achievements even more impressive than they already are! You are clearly tapping into an inner wisdom.

You are very wise to look at it now and see those patterns as a way you interpreted yourself based on what they said and did, and that it is NOT the truth about you! That they do not have to be believed.
Please just know that in no way is it your fault that those thoughts became part of your inner talk in the first place.

[MapleLane]

P.S. that Program for Causing Anxiety and Depression is hilarious!
Thanks for recommending it.

[Ninjafrodo2]

ForeverYoung;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1TcDHrkQYg
Forever young...I want to be forever young....do you really want to live forever, forever and ever...forever young, i want to be forever young!

Honestly ForeverYoung, with all the run throughs I've ever done, on my own as well as ones in the forums I had avoided the limitations (except the first run through and even then I avoided most of them)....I got too scared, I didn't follow through, I got discouraged and stopped doing alot of the work and sabotaged my efforts and went back to my old habits until that became to painful and then I started back up or looked for another resource and I'd get to the facing limitations and then I'd get too scared, discouraged and stopped again...I've gone through that cycle for 9 years!!! Not completely I mean I still did face many of them but not consistently and not really with the skills, I would just endure the stress and then not really get better because I'd just distract myself while doing them and space out. I'm still agoraphobic to a degree but more like a functioning agoraphibic. Being around people is what I struggle with the most and alot of the time I just feel a significant ammount of stress around them.

Well Smoothes are really good....I love having banana ones with blueberries, maybe some strawberries....or with mangoes...you can also add some peanut butter and maybe some cacao powder or you could use raspberries or whatever.

There is also juicing apples or pears with different vegetables in a juicer....I would take juicing over coolaid or pop any day and coffee too but I never really got into the coffee drinking. Apples with ginger is a good combination....sometimes I'll put some cilantro in....sometimes I have carrot juice...other times I'll put apples and beets together or even carrots apples and sweet potatoes! Sometimes I put a ton of different vegetables. The juice I made yesterday had apple, ginger, carrot, kale, cabbage, and


MapleLane;

I figured you'd recognize Sonic! I grew up with the original nintendo but super and sega were there as well. Sonic is pretty fun actually!

I responded to your posts in lesson4

And Thank you...I love how my intuition does that, how it just gives me those insights and they are usually pretty regular. Each day I get something new for the most part! I really loved that insight, it is really freeing but at the same time it is still going to take some time to fully impliment all the changes but its a journey.

I'm not blaming myself, I really didn't know any better and how can anybody when it is their own family whom was raised by them from day 1? The abuse and neglect and criticizing or rather being cruel to them, we know from experience that it is bad or at least the cruelness, I don't know if you've experienced the first 2 things.

Thank you, I am actually impressed by the insights myself and not to take away from it but, I actually had no choice but to tap into that inner wisdom...there definately wasn't any outer wisdom, that is for sure! However I'm still trying to figure out how to simply be in this world...usually people get that growing up, I didn't....I'm not sure what I got in my childhood years as I don't even remember most of those but I learned that I had to figure things out on my own when I was 12, because being like my family was not a healthy thing, it wasnm't good....it was actually quite mean. I'm also still weeding out the crap beliefs they taught to me...there are alot of shoulds there too!


Mike

[Ninjafrodo2]

Ok so, I'm more motivated and not sabotaging myself the way I was before...I'm back to using the relaxation cd at least twice a day and doing my other meditations....although I'm heavily resisting the mindful walking! I seem to be really afraid of being in the moment and yet really wanting to at the same time....but I guess I'll just not push myself to do it so much right now. I still have the relaxation cd, mindfulness meditation while sitting in a chair, mindful eating and the meditation where I'm breathing in love.

I'm definately doing more exercise...I noticed before when I was going to a gym that when I'd workout with my workout buddy we would be lifting weights for 1-1.5 hours and I seemed to really hate it and tried to force myself to do it for 3 years and kept plateauing. Well I stopped sometime before July and just walked around..then started swimming and now i'm starting to do a bit of ab work and it seems that through the use of the meditations and the calming techniques, I'm able to do more exercise without getting really stressed out...I can tell that my tolerance level for stress is higher, which is really great!!!

This lesson has definately had me look at my diet lately and that day last week when I had less sleep and went to hangout with someone and couldn't go for over eating as a way of coping with the stress has helped me out tremendously. I'm not over eating and I'm definately eating more balanced and i'm finding that i'm more inclined now to start making more of my own food with recipes and such....so my tolerance with stress when it comes to cooking is higher as well. I made yummy kale chips and am making juice pulp crackers and will make green pea hummous, I've been juicing apples with vegetables and well I'm hoping to make more things and I seem to be doing better with money as well since I'm not anxious eating it....


This is not what I mean! But it does look really funny!!!

I've really started to think more about the 6th step when it comes to the 6 steps...Figure out what is really bothering you. I don't think I ever really got this until this time around. When I was walking home from my Krav Maga class, I was listening to music while I was walking and my head was getting filled with many situations from my past that really bothered me and I was trying to figure out what is really bothering me? I think for the longest time I had been trying to ignore my feelings and what I truely wanted and needed. I had walked to the class which was more than 1 hour, I did the class, I hungout with a friend in that area and was walking home but I was tired and I wanted to do more stuff at home, I didn't want to walk home and I had enough money I could have just taken public transportation but I didn't. I ignored my need to just relax and take care of myself and allow myself to not have to walk home and then I was trying to force myself to be more in the moment...there is alot of pressure for me to do stuff when I really want to rest and well thats another thing to work on, it has also caused me an anxiety when it comes to doing any kind of work. In this I mean that I get so afraid of getting stuck in working at something that I won't be able to take a rest or a break or do things that are fun...its one of the main anxieties that keep me from working actually.


As for the workbook;
The diet evaluation I only answered yes to the last question...the only thing I might eat that is sweet is the honey that I put into my tea or cereal and the cliff bars which have sugar cane syrup or brown rice syrup.

The part about not wanting to feel and deal with life's challenges is unhealthy...that part stood out the most and is the scariest but I think thats where the what-ifs come in.