I began this program In the middle of September and I've only just started the fifth session today.
I think I just have a real fear of not doing well enough in this program to get better. I want to recover so badly, but I'm also afraid even after all of this, I wouldn't have done well enough for myself and I'll still feel hopeless. After session three, I started feeling a lot better, and spent two weeks on that session since I know it's a big one. It was working really well at first, and now I'm starting to feel more uncontrollably depressed again.
One of my main problems has to do with eating. In a nutshell, it's like I'm afraid to eat. :/ I can't eat alone comfortably, and the variety of foods I now consume has decreased immensely. I generally eat simple foods that go down easy and I fell won't make me feel sick. My anxiety makes me feel really nauseous often and I'm afraid of vomiting.
It's so hard to not start to feel more depression when I feel I am not eating as well as I was a few weeks ago, yet I'm further into the program. It's hard for me to function normally when I'm here in Chicago for school yet my home (and where i can't help but want to be) is in Ohio with my family and friends.
I just can't help feeling hopeless. I was getting a little better for a while and now I feel like I'm backtracking a little bit in progress...so I'm gonna complete session 5 finally so that I don't feel like a failure in working on this program...but I do get so afraid that in the end I'll just end up being a failure to myself.
And a HUGE part of the problem is that most of the foods i'm used to eating are the bad ones. Ice cream is my main backup food if I'm hungry but I don't feel comfortable consuming anything else.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL BETTER IF I CAN'T EAT THE RIGHT FOODS? AND I CAN'T EAT THE RIGHT FOODS WITHOUT MORE HELP AND SUPPORT! So it seems I am just trapped. I eat better when I'm at home in Ohio, and I've been going home on weekends often recently. As soon as my dad drops me back off in Chicago on my own though, eating sucks. And I'm not productive in school and I have a really hard time feeling comfortable in my apartment.
Can anyone relate?
Is anyone else taking this program really slowly?
Re: Is anyone else taking this program really slowly?
Hello......Your post sounds alot like me when it comes to eating and vomiting. The anxiety goes straight to my gut... i am super depressed and feel I have lost all motivation to keep going.....we really need to chat.