Do I need to start over?

[LMH2011]

I'm on Session 5 right now. I do consume caffeine throughout the day - I usually have about a half a cup of coffee and then a small dessert in the evening, which usually has chocolate in it. So it's not like I overdo it. I don't think caffeine is my issue, because during my pregnancy I was off of caffeine completely and still felt the same way I do now. My eating habits are much healthier than they used to be.

I was doing pretty good with the program, up until the past week. Since my children have been out of school, I haven't had that quiet time while the baby is sleeping to work on the program. I've had a very rough week. Just saw an obituary for a young, 31 year old man who died suddenly. He was engaged to an old friend's sister and died last weekend. I don't know what happened, but I'm 32 and it's hitting close to home. This has completely freaked me out. I'm trying to go through this program and I was just getting to the point where I would go around 48 hours without taking any anti anxiety meds, then I might need a small dose. But I was doing so well because the constant symptoms that I was feeling were not as strong when I was off of the medication. They were bearable and if I worked really hard, I could overcome them. After this week, especially today, I've been back to taking medication yesterday and today. I took the highest dose I've ever taken today (.75mg of xanax throughout the day today) since it was prescribed to me a year ago! I had such a horrific panic attack that I was really convinced I was going to pass out. The xanax didn't even seem to work too well. I don't know what to do.....do I keep going with the program or do I go back to square one and start all over?

[jkulag]

I see that your concerns were posted in late June so I don't know where you are in the program now, but I sympathize greatly with you. I am alot older than you (57). I had a good friend die suddenly of a heart attack 3 years ago and that event seemed to start me having similar fears. She was only 49 at the time. She died the exact day my first grandchild came home from the hospital. For quite a while I was afraid for my daughter to leave her baby with me for fear I might die suddenly, too, and leave my granddaughter in danger. It was a really terrible time and not how I wanted to start off being a grandmother. I also felt alot of guilt that I wasn't excited about being alone with my grandchild. This is what I've done to help myself get past this. First, I try to take good care of myself. I exercise regularly, eat healthy, and get my cholesterol and blood sugar levels checked every year. I don't smoke either. When my cholesterol goes up, I cut back on meat and dairy (that really does work). I remind myself that my mother and both of my grandmothers lived into their late eighties because genetics play a key role in our life and health. And finally, I'm working on making peace with the fact that I will not be on earth forever. I am a spiritual person and so I pray and work on turning my life over to God's care daily. And now I'm doing this program. All of this has helped me. But I do still have times when I feel alittle anxious about it. Since starting this program I have been working on replacing my scary "what if" questions with positive statements, like," I'm healthy, I'm strong, I'm continually in God's care", etc. Lastly, I believe in an after-life that will be wonderful and peaceful. I've read alot of books on the subject and read many accounts of people who have had near death experiences. They all testify to the fact that there is a beautiful after-life. This has been extremely reassuring. Hope something I've shared here can help you. I really think many people share your feelings. Best wishes to you. jkulag