Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 2:53 pm
i have already done session five, but i realize it is something that has to go on way beyond the session itself. honestly i didn't think i could do it. i was always afraid to exercise since it made my heart race. but as in my last post, i did it. i was scared, but i pushed through. the program is working well, and i hadn't had a panic attack in about three weeks, plus i hadn't had to take any xanax...until today. i didn't take any xanax, yay me! but i was in the tanning bed, and all of a sudden old thoughts started to cloud my mind, and a second later, i got a horrible chest pain, enough to make me push the tanning bed lid flying open and i jolted myself onto the floor. i tried to breathe and in another moment the pain went away. i sat there for a second, waiting for the panic and pain to return, but it didn't...and then i just burt into tears. tears of frustration, that i had failed somehow. it had no warning, i didn't expect it, and i just cried as if i was letting out every negative emotion contained in my body. i went home and knew i had planned on working out today, but because of earlier i was horrified, my left arm got tight and numb, and i didn't know what to do. i didn't let the panic set in, i kept saying, it will pass, and God is watching over me. then i marched my tush downstairs and i worked out til i couldn't take it anymore, and i LOVED it. no fear. today i am proud of myself in spite of my minor relapse. i can do this 
i just wanted to share, i couldn't contain my smiles anymore, and i know you all understand what i am going through.
i just wanted to share, i couldn't contain my smiles anymore, and i know you all understand what i am going through.