Stress Center Peer Support

Hello,

How do I make this short?

I am a former personal trainer myself. I used to obsess about my body shape and fitness. A few years ago I let alot of that go and have been looking to find balance.

I had a nervous breakdown (and was diagnosed with generalized anxiety and anxiety disorder) almost 2 years ago. This came after dealing with skin cancer and then my husband's affair.

Anyway, in the last 1.5 years I have worked very hard at overcoming anxiety, and I have been doing pretty good. The bad thing is the weight I have gained. When my body symptoms are bad, I eat. It usually helps me right away. I feel so awful about the way I look and I hate that I don't feel like I have control over my eating.

I contacted a local personal trainer who is very good and she said she would help me and I need to commit to 8 sessions with her as well as attend Weight Watchers to get my eating under control. I do agree.

Of course, a few minutes after I found out that she would help me, I started to have anxiety. It scares me to make committments like this. I feel like I have no 'out'.

Should I push through and do the training and attend Weight Watchers anyway- or will it just make my anxiety worse?

Any thoughts?

Definitely go with the personal trainer's advice.
She can help you eat healthier esp when you are
in a heavy anxiety state.
& While being occupied with WW and Training, you
will be distracted and probably will not be turning to food for comfort.
Good Luck!

I would say try it. Eight sessions is really not that long of a commitment. Even if you didn't like it you can make it through eight sessions. When that goes well, you can try a longer commitment to something. We always have 'outs'. I figured out a long time ago that a lot of my anxiety over committing to something new was due to my thinking that once I committed myself to something it was set in stone and irreversible. It's not- We can always adjust, stop, or change directions if we want to. The "commitment police" were not gonna come and get me. I think starting this training and Weight Watcher's program would be a tremendous boost to your confidence.

Thank you both for your encouragement I know it's probably the right thing to do. One of my reservations is that you have to pay for all 8 sessions and it is NOT cheap. I don't want to waste any money if I think I can't stick with it.

I think I just need to change my thinking around though. Instead of thinking I'm afraid of not having an 'out', I need to look at this as an opportunity to do something good for myself (which is foreign to me- I usually have a martyr complex).

Thanks

Dear CJR -

I just noticed this posting & decided I'd reply.

GO FOR IT. The steps you're taking are going to get you healthy MENTALLY/EMOTIONALLY/PHYSICALLY. They will further cement your recovery fr anxiety disorder. In addition, you will be healthier. Anxiety wants to inhibit & restrict you fr branching out. It doesn't want you to reach "above & beyond" w/in yourself - it sure doesn't want to see you physically fit, eating healthier & feeling healthier/stronger.

Dietary intake & exercising do play key roles w/ recovery. It's about all about us doing what we can to take care of ourselves - w/in reason of course. When we eat healthier & establish consistant & daily exercise, we empower ourselves = we make ourselves strong, INSIDE & OUT. As a result, we live better/feel better-stronger & our quality of life is better. Again, it all comes back to you taking care of you - doing for you & putting you 1st, to make yourself healthy & subsequently, HAPPY.

Let me tell ya something: <span class="ev_code_RED">I started Lucinda's program in Nov-2006. When she referenced the food/exercise & anxiety connection, the light bulb went off. I had been diagnosed by my psychiatrist w/ anxiety disorder + panic attacks + PTSD. I was in such a severe state: I couldn't work + I required anxiety med 3x's per day + 2 sleep aids. I felt inhibited/restricted/paralized by mind boggling fear. Add to that, I was FAT(no denying it). I weighed in @ 225+ lbs. As a result, I also required a cholesterol medication. My gosh, I was only 37 yrs old @ the time - & I was falling apart. It couldn't get any worse for me then it was then. I took action by initially attending weekly intensive therapy. I unburdened myself w/ yrs worth of surpressed emotions. I got myself to a position where I knew I needed to change - I was taking responsibility for myself. That is when I purchased Lucinda's program. I completed her program in March-2007. Having recovered fr anxiety disorder, I got depression. I was officially diagnosed in the end of March 2007. It was a direct result of all that the recovery process entailed.

Lucinda hadn't proven me wrong yet. So, when she did reference the "food/exercise" thing, I listened. I created sm changes in my eating & started walking. However, it wasn't until being diagnosed w/ depression, that I got serious. I never had depression, so it was all new to me. It was also frightening as all hell. Depression didn't make me feel like eating healthy & I sure didn't have the energy to exercise. However, to pull myself out of this depression - I needed to do it anyway.

Sure, I felt overwhelmed & then some. So, I had a talk w/ myself, "self, lol" :p I made a pact w/ myself: "The only thing I promise is to take it 1 day @ a time. Not tomorrow, next week/month/year - TODAY. Today, I CHOOSE TO eat healthier 1 meal @ a time - because I DO CONTROL WHAT I PUT IN MY MOUTH. Today, I CHOOSE TO move - to something, anything to get myself going. Today, I will exercise a little something." Making that agreement w/ myself alievated a lot of pressure. When, I knew I was serious, I joined a local gym w/ my husband. Remember, a little @ a time. Lucinda doesn't intend for us to instantly become JANE LALANE per say. So, exercising can take on many forms: a gym, walking, hiking, a window shopping trip to the mall - while parking a few rows further away fr the entrance, a local fair/carnival, or a local park, etc.

Was it hard for me? W/ depression, it was very difficult. But, look what was @ stake here - ME FEELING BETTER & BEING HEALTHIER. I was home & not working. It would have been very easy for me to wallow/dwell in an endless PITY PARTY by staying in bed & gorging myself endlessly. I've done that b/4 & look where it got me. I didn't need to be adding to all that I already had going on.

Yes, there were countless times, it was almost beyond difficult. I'd drag myself to our treadmill crying - why? Because the depression was making it almost impossible to do this - like having 100's lbs metal chains on me & still trying to walk. I forced myself to do it anyway - as hard as it was. I had nothing to lose & absolutely EVERYTHING TO GAIN. There were mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnny times, I prayed to God, crying so hard. I told him I WAS WILLING, but I felt so weak. I asked God to be my strength when I couldn't. MY MOTIVATOR every single step of the way was me remembering how very bad it was for me in the beginning, what state I was in, & how poor my quality of life was. That was my inspiration. That will always be my inspiration. </span>

In the end of June 2007, I joined Weight Watchers w/ my husband. I chose them, because they are NOT based on diet & deprivation. For these past 11 months, I attended weekly meetings - never missing 1 week. I learned a healthier way of eating & gosh, I learned PORTION CONTROL - lol, who would have thought that possible. I am the biggest emotional eater. I just changed that. Now, instead of living to eat, I eat to live. Simultaneously, I exercised every single day. Every day, there was a little something going on. I exercise @ home - 1 hr every day. In addition, I take our little SHIH POO PUPPY "GINGER" for her potty walks - hey, I can gain something out of that too. In addition, my husband & I go to our local gym several times per week(maybe 3-4), schedules permitting. All of our "idle time" is no longer taken up being COUCH POTATO EXPERTS, w/ eating as our main extra curricular activity. We made certain, that some portion of our free time, was spent OUT THERE - DOING SOMETHING. Anything, that would cause us to get moving. Heck, I'm gonna be 40 yrs old & do you know, I WENT APPLE PICKING for the 1st time. Remember, variety. We have BALANCE NOW. I've created a healthy balance b/w "relaxation/meditation" + exercising - living + eating healthier, making better choices overall.

<span class="ev_code_RED">LOL, ok - what did I get for all these efforts? Efforts = therapy + journaling + research: reading 16 books + Lucinda's program (twice) + eating healthier + exercising @ home/local gym/outside walking anywhere possible or imaginable + relaxation/meditation + Weight Watchers?</span>

Bare w/ me - listing them puts them in perspective :

1) I am recovered fr anxiety disorder & my PTSD
2) I am recovering fr depression - pulling myself out of it.
3) I am no longer on: anxiety med, sleep aids, or cholesterol meds. In addition, my depression med has been lowered twice - that is RECOVERY & PROGRESS.
4) I am free. I am no longer bound by the chains I allowed to bind me: the trauma I experienced in childhood + surpressed emotions. I am a former victim. I've learned forgiveness. I've learned a level of empathy & compassion I never thought possible. All of which, truly humble me. I am emotionally healthier.
5) This very process & journey taught me SELF ACCOUNTABILITY & RESPONSIBILY. I was able to face myself, & right/wrong/indifferent - w/o blame - tell myself - THERE ARE SOME THINGS ABOUT YOU THAT NEED TO CHANGE. Guess what happened? I changed.
6) I have faced & conquered more fears than this space has possible, lol. The 1 closest to my heart is my fear of being alone & abandoned. I have always wanted to be ok w/ myself & by myself - in my own company. Now I am. I am no longer afraid to admitt what I'm thinking & feeling.
7) I can relax - honest. Get this, I LIKE IT. I remember reading a story about Oprah describing a sunny Sunday where she sat under a tree on her property, reading. I literally thought - "why. That would be so boring to me. Whats the purpose in that?". You know what? Now, my behind would be right there w/ her - reading - knowing I didn't want to be or needed to be ANYWHERE BUT THERE.
8) I RET'D TO WORKING U.S.A. - yep, I got a job. After being home for 3 1/2 yrs, recovering - I got out there again. For the past almost 2 months, I've been successfully working. Feeling all the things 1 would expect & doing it anyway. I forgot how much I missed getting a paycheck.
9) I'm making plans - got to living & just going for it. My dreams have been awakened again - this time, w/ focus & determination.
10) My relationships/friendships are much better. For a lge part of my life, I had been very emotionally dependant - unbeknownst to me. So, by me getting emotionally healthy - & learning to love myself - my expectations of those around me/closest to me - are much healthier.
11) This 1 is pretty cool, lol : after 11 mths of being a member of Weight Watchers, I have lost a total of 63 POUNDS + 15 SIZES. Yes, I was size 22 when I started. Now, I am sized 6 or small. In addition: every year W.W. has a contest of "most inspirational weight loss losers". Fr what I understand, the person gets nominated by their MEETING LEADER. Well, 2 weeks ago, my meeting leader nominated me. I fill some form out + compile my story(400 words only - can you imagine the torture in that for me? lol lol lol) + submitt b/4 & after pic's. The biggest gift is just the nomination - anxiety didn't win, depression isn't winning, I'm feeling healthier - its all good.

LENORE