I'm in week 5 and don't know exactly what to do

[Paisleegreen]

What do you have planned...your schooling or plans w/t?

[Bob-o Bingo]

Originally posted by ema526:
currently on session 5 now. trying to drink more water, since my tell tale sign are my ankles swelling alittle and hurting...

My tell tale sign of inadequate water consumption is as easy as pie--I simply look into the toilet after elimination. If my urine is clear--I'm drinking enough water. If it's a golden color--drink more. If I can't see thru the urine--better call a Doctor!

After years of this kind of observation, I've come to the conclusion that our daily water intake needs vary according to weather and activity. Sometimes we need more--sometimes less. But to just say 8 glasses a day is ideal seems to be unrealistic.

[ema526]

Well as luck would have it, my mother calls and of course what she says always set me off
In the past but this very time I realized that she couldn't set me off and just
Wished her a merry Christmas and happy new year. I realized that there was no
Absolute sincerity in that call and I maintained myself in check, thanks to this
Program. Before I know I would have gotten into an argument with her over the phone
But now, whatever she said just rolled off my back.didn't even flinch.
Week 5 is still in full swing for me as I find myself struggling sometimes to
Exercise even when my hips r hurting a little. I find I need it and the smoking is
At it's low I dare say.Keeping the target date. Things don't help much when you
Have a cold. I commented to t. That it's times like these where I wish I had a nanny
So I could curl up and recover. Hope that is not a selfish thought. Paislee, I
Pray that u had a pleasant or at least a quiet holiday. Bob, u r right about
The water issue. Why 8 glasses? I find it a struggle and have u tried flavored water?
I wonder if that gives the same quality as plain water?

[Paisleegreen]

Hi Ema--Congratulations on your non-reaction to your mother! Hurray! I'm glad you are keeping your target date on the smoking.
There is nothing wrong with you requesting a Nanny. You gotta dream girl! Its good for the soul. We all can use nurturing every now and then.

I had a super Christmas! All my kids were at my house to open presents and eat Christmas dinner. I didn't know I was going to be hosting dinner and wasn't sure about having gift exchange at my house either. So it all went well and everyone enjoyed themselves. Although, a lot of conversation about past behavior and punishment or consequences that my children experienced while growing up was interesting.

We had some good laughs and explanations...we, the parents didn't bring any of that up. It was all their ideas and memories. So on some of the topics we got the story straight on who did what to whom. Needless to say, it was very interesting and enlightening. I think the grown children were feeling safe to express themselves.

It was very cathartic. And it ended all too soon... Paislee

[ema526]

Thanks for saying I'm not selfish paislee. It's just that I have taken care of so many people that sometimes I wish I could be too.anyway,I am happy to hear that your children felt safe and comfortable enough to express themselves. If I did that in my family, which I have in the past,I was called crazy and should be put away.no word of a lie, which is why I choose not to be around them, that being only my mother and my brother(who can do o wrong). Yet, people that have entered and left my life all had the same thing to say, there is nothing wrong with me but there is something wrong with my family. Like, where did I come from?
so basically in the most calm manner I let my mother know that my holiday was the calmest and the most pleasant I have ever spent.

[Paisleegreen]

That is super, Ema! Good for you! You did something to help yourself to feel better and let your mother know it in a calm and grown up manner. I'm proud of you.

My children had to suffer from an angry father. He wasn't taught to discuss things or stop annoyances as they first start instead of exploding later and hurt everyone's feelings.

I've spent much of my time protecting these kids the best I could, and I had to protect myself as well, by not expressing myself as I would have liked to. So there is a lot of straightening out to do in my family. They've survived, except for one child, who was just too tenderhearted for the world. So DH feels a lot of guilt or regret in the way he handled things with this kid. But it was learned behavior and his own frustrations and weaknesses he had to overcome.

The others were able to fight back or have their own problems they have to work out as young adults. So it was a good thing for them to be able to express some of their childhood memories.

My mother was the same way, you just don't "talk back" or express yourself without a reaction that makes you just not want to be around her. I think her problems came with her childhood, so it is a "family affair" of nervousness or reactions until we can break the cycle. Which as we all know isn't always easy. Paislee

[ema526]

it feels so good to read that someone is proud of me. i am proud of myself too. i believe that cycle is going to be broken because i know i have respect for my children and when they are older that respect will only grow and hopefully they will have that security and trust to express themselves without fear or reservation.
i believe that many of the issues my family has, especially my mother is from losing my brother at a young age and maybe that favoritism towards my other brother comes from that. i have had her tell me to my face that she never had to worry about me but that she always had to worry about me that nobody ever had to take care of me that i could myself but that my brother needed taking care of.
its terrible for me to hear because it always made me feel that i would not be worthy enough for someone to take care of me as well.
comments like those leave a person more fragile than they were before. i am human capable of love and worthy enough for someone to love and worry about.
i think t. is there for that. he does love me and my children eventhough it was a little difficult at first. i think my mother and brother hold a grudge because t. and i had had a falling out last year about this time and i had dated someone else for about 2 weeks not long at all before i realized that i could forgive t. and he could forgive me. so we reconciled because i realized too that anything worth while deserves a 2nd chance and i stopped running away too, instead of sticking it out, therein breaking another cycle i believe. so my family hates that and i believe that is why they hold a grudge too, among other reasons i'm sure.
this part of my existence has not been easy i know.

[Paisleegreen]

Ema--You are definitely important, don't forget that. What part of your existence has not been easy? That you had a falling out with t and are back with him or that you are going against your family's wishes.

How did your mother lose your brother early in life? Did your brother commit suicide or die from an accident or illness? I don't know if I told you that I lost a son to suicide. It is very hard on a mother and to the rest of the family, I know that first hand. They all miss their brother and the mother they use to know.

Death of any kind in a family is difficult...and you living your life is just as important as your brother's life was. You are just as significant as your brothers, don't forget that. Paislee

[ema526]

hi paislee,
happy new year
in answer to your questions from the 29th, the worst part is the falling out i had with t. i believe where my family is concerned, i could never be left alone to find myself because they wanted me to be what they wanted, the profession they wanted, no man was ever good enough so they broke up every relationship i ever had which were few and 2 marriages, simply because they imposed themselves in every aspect of my life. i have always tried to distance myself from them and not successful because i was always afraid like a kid of them, of what they thought and always seeking their approval, which now i know will never happen. now that approval doesn't bother me because i went in another direction in life in design and fashion and i am happy about it. i am a good sewer and a good designer and i am confident that i will sell my work.
my brother was lost to terminal illness and died at 8 years old. i was 11 at the time. i think since i was the eldest, i took alot of beatings and abuse verbally, that in the end i could not even make my own decisions. i could have run away from this relationship because of my stupidity and infidelity but he chose to forgive me and that showed me that this was a person who still loved me and accepted me with flaws. his patience has given me the time to think and to realize that i can be better than i was and that to reconcile is perhaps harder and than to run away. so the whole year has passed and we came a long way. unfortunately he is ill and now needs me to be strong. i still have a few unanswered questions where he is concerned but i expect to have them answered in time.

[Paisleegreen]

Happy New Year, Ema I'm sorry to hear about your little brother. Definitely hard on a family. What happened with your Father...I'm not sure if I read about your Dad or not.

I've had many friends being mistreated at the age of 11 while they were the eldest in the family. It is very hard on the eldest child, there are many expectations placed on them. I'm sorry that your mother took her grief out on you...just remember that you were a child yourself and your mother didn't seek the help she needed to help herself.

So I can see how it would be hard for you to develop close relationships that were functional or healthy...and you made mistakes out of ignorance and pain.

I hope things work out with t. and that he isn't a burden to you and your child(ren) What illness does t. have? Take care... Paislee