Stress Center Peer Support

About 6 months ago I woke up dizzy which had to be a dream that I came out of and had a panic attack. The following few weeks I had severe physical anxiety, hard to leave the house, felt shaky, thought I was going to get dizzy at any moment, unreal. As I used techniques along the way those symptoms started to go away and were virtually gone. The next thing that happend was I had racing thoughts that scared the living crap out of me and I think ever since then I have not been the same. I am the same person I think I was but now I do not feel happy about things I used to and not connected to life at all. I feel lost and it is very hard to not think about it. I say to myself everyday, what is wrong with me? Why do I have this different feeling about life? This is not me, I used to look forward to the many things like living in luxury or relaxing by the fire, getting a new car but all i can think about is that life is passing me by and I am not a part of it. (Even though I am). I sometimes cry because I feel so overwhelmed by these feelings and I feel I cannot talk to my girlfriend or any of my family because I will jeoperdize those relationships or they plain out dont understand. Can anyone shed some light on this? Is this stages that I am going through and I will eventually feel better like i did with the physical symptoms? Please help!!

H20man...I think you are suffering from anxiety and depression!!!

I pray you have the Attack and Anxiety program!!!
I have posted many threads on this forum, and if you will read through some of them, then, I am sure you will find out if this is your problem, as well as, some things you can do to overcome this!!!

Also, there are many others with stories similar to yours who have posted many things...

I am sooo sorry that you are going through such a difficult time!!!

I pray you get some rest...Goodnight...God Bless

Dear H20man,

I understand how you are feeling and what you are going through. I, myself, have been in your shoes. It is terrifying when you wake up one day and realize that something about you has changed but you can't quite put your finger on what that change is.

It will be a year in September since I had a complete breakdown. If you read any of my posts, you will learn about my story and how frightening and severe it was. I have had an anxiety problem since I was a little girl but we didn't know it was anxiety until I was about 15. However, I was up at college, 5 hours away from home, during my senior year (I just graduated) when I lost all control. I was having at least 8 panic attacks a day, lost 20 pounds, had nitemares, had panic attacks in my sleep and in my dreams, lost all interested, and felt as though I wasn't a part of the world anymore.

It has been a long and difficult journey since September but with this program, medication, therapy, and SO much support from all of the loving people on this website, I made it through and now it is our turn to help you through.

The guy I was dating when my breakdown began was supportive to an extent until he couldn't "take it anymore." I know you are afraid that telling your family or girlfriend what you are going through, but if she loves you the way you deserve to be loved, telling her about your anxiety and/or depression should not change her feelings about you. If they do, (and I hate to say this), then perhaps she isn't the one. I pray that your family is supportive of you because without my mother I am not sure where I would be today.

But back to your situation. I felt and still feel that something about me changed since this experience happened. For a long time I had self pity because I couldn't understand why this happened to me or what could be done about it. As I continue to recover and have not had a relapse since February, I still feel as though there is a big elephant in the room. Again, I can't put my finger on what it is. I have changed emotionally and mentally so everything seems different. I have 2 options here: I can 1) be scared and run away from it or 2) be proud, brave, and embrace this change.

Every day we are changing and discovering who we are. I really hope you have the program because it will do wonders for you. The best advice I can give you is to take long and slow deep breaths when you feel anxious and really try to talk about your family about it. If you can't turn to your immediate family for whatever reason(s), I will be your extended family.

h2 man! I know excatly how you feel. I used to and still do question what happened to me. Last year in July, I also had a brekdown suffering from agoraphobia, panik and anxiety all day and these disturbing scary thoughts that raced in my head. I still have severe anxiety and taking an ani-depression and going through therapy. I started and stopped the program and now I started again. I am session 5. I can't say I have totally learned the skills taught but I do see the progress I've made. Sometimes, I allow myself to be down for like half a day but before it was much worse, I used to think about what happened to me ALL DAY! I know I've got a long way to go and many things to work on myself but please get some help. Either get the program or go to a really good therapist which I was fortunate to have. Its ok to be scared, nothing will hurt you. I am now getting married and enjoying life a little more than how it was a year ago. I have goals and dreams and hope to achieve them all. Best wishes to you.

Hello H20man,
I can also relate to your anxiety. I don't know how old you are but I am in my early 50's and I find myself thinking what have I done with my life and what do I have? I have come to realize that it is not things that make you happy. We have to dig deep and find what we want and what makes us happy. I am spending more time walking, looking at creation and just enjoying the simple things in life. Buying things will not make you happy. Get involved in helping someone; like being a big brother or the boys scouts. These are just some suggestions, I hope I have been some help.

Hi,

Sorry you are having such a hard time. First of all, I think you've already gotten great advice and encouragement. I also want to say that I have been in a similar position, and I wanted to go back to who I used to be. At my worst with anxiety, my usually nice husband said, "I don't even know who you are anymore." That scared me even more, and he's apologized for saying that out of frustration of not knowing how to help me.

Now that I am in a recovery period and have used this program I can honestly say that the teaching from this program that "You are going to be better than you used to be" really is true. Who you used to be-the way you thought about things, the inadequate coping skills for stress that you had, etc. caused the anxiety so you aren't entirely going to want to be "who you used to be."

As a Christian, I do also want to share a couple more of my views on identity that come from my belief system. I do want to repeat that when you recover from this and you will, that you will be better than you used to be because you will have coping skills that will protect you from anxiety and help you live a more authentic life. At the same time I want to share with you something that God spoke to me during my worst when my husband said he didn't know who I was. God told me that He most certainly knew who I was. When I would ask, "Who am I?", He would say, "You are my child. You are a child of God and that will never change and that's all that you need to know." That brought me comfort. Also, during my time of recovery when I waited anxiously for my "old self" to return, God gave me the scripture from the Bible, "He restoreth my soul" from Psalm 23. Truthfully, I used to only associate that Psalm with death, but God gave it to me as a way to comfort me that I wasn't dying and that I did have an identity in Him. A friend that had come to pray for me during that time, brought a pack of batteries and said that God just told her to bring them for me. She and I didn't know why, but after I got that scripture from God, it seemed to speak to me that I was still myself, but that I just needed some new batteries so to speak:). I kept thinking "He restoreth my soul", and then I would look at the pack of batteries and know that God was going re energize me with His healing and Holy Spirit:). It really spoke to me during the most horrible time of my life.

That isn't the end though. Years later I was listening to a sermon. The preacher was talking about the use of the word "restore" in the Bible. Do you know what? It means that God will make things BETTER THAN THEY WERE BEFORE. He will restore our souls, meaning that He will make us better than we were before:)!

I'm sorry if I'm too pushy with my religious beliefs, but that was a big lesson for me. It's been years of ups and downs, but I can now comfortably say that I don't to be the same person that I was before. No, I don't want some of the harsh circumstances that I'm still faced with regarding having a child with autism, and although God hasn't changed my circumstances, He's helping me handle those circumstances better. I want my identity to be based on God's love for me, and the rest is fleeting. For example, I used to base my identity on achievements and other people's approval. I mean, it's nice to drive and a very good skill to have, but our identities shouldn't be based on driving or whether or not we leave the house. Identity should be based on something more solid than our performance or functioning. Now, I feel that my identity is based on solid ground.

Finally, if the religious overtones were uncomfortable, maybe this view could help. A lot of us feel like we've lost ourselves when we are so anxious. We can't do the same things regarding functioning that we could before, and we automatically say that we aren't the same person just because our functioning has changed, and we feel bad. However, if we were sick with the flu and it kept us from leaving the house, we wouldn't say that about ourselves. In order not to get the flu the next year, we would get a flu shot and practice better hygiene, but we wouldn't say that doing those things changes our personality either. I think it causes us a lot of grief when we look at depression and anxiety as changing who we are, but we don't look at getting the flu or sickness as changing who we are. Try to realize that this is still "you", but it is "you" with anxiety, just like it is still "you" when you get the flu. I hope that makes sense because it helps me when I think back on my impaired functioning with anxiety. I look back and see that it was still "me" but just "me" with anxiety, and now I'm "me" without anxiety, and yes, that's better just like it's better to be "me" without the flu:).

I hope you are comforted by all of us who truly understand what you are going through because we've all been there, and we are cheering "you" on:)-knowing that you can and will get better.

Take care,
luvpiggy

Thank you so much everyone for taking the time to write back. I do feel alone in this because I do not want to lose what I have worked so hard for, relationship,work etc. I try so hard to just use techniques and try to tell myself I am over reacting to things but it still bugs me daily. I can say i'm atleast grateful I am not having attacks and I can live life pretty much normal on a daily basis
(Where no one can tell im feeling any different) but it sure does bug me inside and I know I haven't changed, like luvpiggy said but I have to constantly remind myself of this. Its like someone sucked the confidence and love of life out of me. I get up daily and fight and exercise ,do things I think I would normally do
(like buying a house which I am in the process of) and other activities I used to enjoy. I say it is just depression and it will pass right? Def. sucks though!! wow hardest time in my life. Has anyone beat this type of thing that we know of? I am not taking medication and have no desire to. I fought through the hardest of physical symptoms without it and will continue to fight through the depression and remaining anxiety thoughts without it. Thanks all for the help and Goober thanks for being my extended family I will for sure be talking with you!! Any direct way to talk with you? Email?

Its fascinating to think that anxiety - this inbuilt so-called self-protective mechanism, also has the power to change your life for the worst.

What I will say is this, getting to the recovery stage is extremely difficult. And then once you are recovered, you have the challenge of trying to stay recovered.

Please stay with this program and all the wonderful people... U will see a difference...It does get better! I have my good days and my bad days....but I am not waking up crying or w/panic attacks...I am still working on it...We all have to fight this anxiety and depression...I know u can do it! Marie

Thanks all again. I am not letting it get to me even though I sometimes think man, why cant I just feel excited and good about everything, Its like i lost that comfort zone of living/Confidence in myself. I used to tell everyone else how to live! But I am still moving on and taking the leap to buy a house, I know I would be doing the same things even if I was 100 percent so when I do make it to 100 percent I will be happy I did not sit back and say " I should of did that" ..right???