Stress Center Peer Support

Im 51, lost me job because of retaliation of a manager I filed a racial complaint against (He was NOT my direct report but sure wanted to be..MY direct boss had no backbone/balls to tell him to FO....which some other managers HAD done in the past)....I ended up getting fired on a BS charge (Lie) and at 51, the area were I live has NO other jobs in my field...and not at what I was making so I am sunk...my bills (gas, DISH, telephone, internet) slash at my bank account (I am living in a house a friend owns for free for now)...and my unemployment runs out in 10weeks. I have some money saved which MAY get me by for about 6 months...My 4 dogs are the only family I have...no kids (though I wanted some but guess luckily didnt have!)..ever since my own dad died 10 days before my 14th birthday, my life has sucked on the personal side...now my mom is dead and Im alone!!! My brothers are asshole who think they are big shots because they make a lot of money and have no time for me...which is fine!! I dont care for their attitudes...and I havent been a materialistic person anyway..blue jeans and tennis shoes are ok with me..I dont need a BMW or similar car or a big house..now I cant afford one!! I find myself having trouble to sleep...my MD put me on PristiQ and then Serequel, Trasodone and Ambien CR to help me sleep..they dont...I barely get 4 hrs of any sleep...I never feel right and if I take my meds at 9pm, Im lucky to be in bed before 1am!! THEN I wake up at 5...and I dont want to!!! I want to sleep more!!!! I am scared and lonely...and feel like my life's end is close at hand...I dont want to die...but at the same Im afraid to live....dont bother feeding me any religious stuff..got burned on that and will NOT care to hear about it from ANYONE...I just dont trust that...or the people who feed it to me.....
All I know I feel alone, scared and wish I had someone holding me telling its gonna be ok..even if its not....
I HATE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW!!! I WISH I WASNT BACK HOME...it is blue collar and manual labor...and most of those jobs are contract and out of towners filling them. I am not going to find a technical job where I can make 60-70K here..I was worried that would be the case 5 yrs ago when I took this job....and sure enough, it came true....NOW I am in the worse spot of my life...noone wants me, noone cares about me except my dogs (my mom did but she died in Jan..even my own brothers barely talked to me at her funeral...oh yeah we put the word FUN in disfunctional!)...MY friends dont call me on any basis...and they are few and far between...if they call, they dont leave voicemail...why????

I too am scared...scared my life is coming to an end...I thought by this time in my life I would have a family with kids...so much for that!!! I always wanted kids....they take to me soo fast and I know I would have been a great dad..but at 51, I cant afford them now...and trying to find a younger woman to have a family with?? FORGET THAT!!! MY LIFE SUCKS!!!!!!

Dear Nobody wants me......not true..do not believe the lie your thoughts are telling you...does sound like you have a lot going on...may I lovingly suggest your clicking on the stress center community...then scroll down to the spirituality link for depression and anxiety..I believe you find lots of the help you are looking for there.....my prayers are with you

Bobbicat is absolutely right, NWM--it's your anxiety and scary thoughts that are telling you all of those things. You are clearly a very caring person since you are so interested in family and you take care of your dogs. You are a worthwhile, important human being, no matter how strongly you may feel otherwise at times.

I'm so sorry about the loss of your mother. Know that she is watching out for you, even if you can't see her anymore. You will always be loved--sometimes it's hard to remember that, I know. But remember that it's important to love yourself as well. You deserve nothing less!

Take care of yourself!!

NWM: May I suggest you give some thought to what you want in friends, what qualities should they have, what interests them, what interests you ? After thinking of what you want in friends you might ask yourself, how do I measure up to what I want. Then, as with all of us, you may find areas that need to be worked on. Possibly you can find a club or so where others are enjoying some of the same things you like. I have a little saying on my refridgerator "you have to go out on a limb to get the fruit" Wishing you success !!!

Hi,

I'm assuming with only one post you may have given up. If not, here are a couple of things to think about. First, believe it or not, you are in the best country in the world for employment opportunities. Moreover, I'm thinking you live in Texas, which has one of the lowest unemployment percentages in the US. Sure, you'll probably have to move within the state, but you do have options. Second, I have traveled a pretty good chunk of this world, and I have to tell you, we (American's) have it very good relative to the vast majority of the population. Third, I've not collected a check in three months, and NEVER got unemployment. I too am living on savings, but I'm working toward a certification that will get me working. Do I like the job? No, not really, but it beats sitting home and feeling sorry for myself. I have no health insurance. Any doctor visits or prescriptions I need are at maximum expense.

Take a look at the things in your life that you're grateful for. I have a friend who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer this past June. At that time they were given 22 to 24 months to live. At the first of December it was changed to 4 months. On December 23rd it was changed to less than 4 weeks. At no time has my friend felt sorry for herself, and God knows she had the right. So what I'm saying is your life is only as bad as you make it. It takes just as much energy to have positive thought as it does a negative one. Where will you invest your energy?