Posted: Wed May 27, 2009 8:14 am
I feel such sadness. I feel lost in it. Oh my gosh! I don't know myself anymore! I woke up crying. At home I have to pretend that I'm fine. My husband, who dosen't even ask how my psychiatric appointment went? Ok, how do you go on when Your parents just died in the last two years and now I have to face that my marriage is not healthy for me. How do you face that the one Man in your life that made it seem better, My dad is gone and died a horrible death from Leukimia. I don't know if I want to go on sometimes. Not, that I would do anything you guys. Suicide is such a selfish act. I wouldn't do that to my sister. she needs me. But, she is a alcholic and with a abusive alcholic! Ok, here are some examples of my husbands emotional neglect. We haven't had any pysical contact for almost three years. He dosen't even touch me at all. I took him to the doctor and he got real mad at me when I mentioned it. So, I never brought it up again. He is so selfish all he does is go everyweeked to a sporting event that he likes to do. Thats all I used to do is go with him when we were first together thinking he would take me on vacations do fun things together right? wrong, in the eight years that we have been together he has only taken me on two vacations, one to san diego and the other to hearst castle. He didn't want to go to either. I forced him. We can't even go out to dinner together. We have nothing to talk about. You know that I crave attention any! I am only a fifty year old women. And I am pretty and have a great sense of humor. Love to camp and hike and go to movies and love to laugh. He dosen't want to do any of those things with me. I have begged but, nothing. I can't live like this. My grief is so over whelming and then I have someone who really dosen't care. Everytime I start talking about my father he changes the subject. Do you know when I was gone taking care of my father for the last year of his life. He wasn't even there for me. When I had to move in with my dad he only came over twice. And when I did come home on the weekend he complained that the house wasn't getting cleaned. I want to scream. Thats what I have been married too. A selfish person. I want to get away. I don't know how to do it. I need to find some kind of strenghth inside me. I called a counselor today. She is a marriage and family therapist. I have asked him to go but, he won't. I can't do this anymore. I need help. Please email me. I feel so alone.