Stress Center Peer Support

My boyfriend works as an accountant/counselor in a treasury office. He is five years younger than I and an orphan whose parents are divorced as of two years ago. He is only twenty five and I feel more like a mother and sibling than a girlfriend. He leaves his clothes everywhere, spends most of his time petting the cats and playing with them. I cook and clean and do laundry for him. I just recently started working and since we have been blessed with so much I am afraid to work on these areas because I know that we don't live in a perfect world. My mother doesn't think that I'm in the right relationship and I am always thinking of other men. I fear trouble with the constant male companionship turning more that I have is a problem.

I know this sound pathetic at least I think so and although this is negative I can change this to a positive by saying that I have courage to deal with and cope by hoping that he and I will marry and have a family some day soon.

Just in the past year the two of us were binge drinking and his nights of violence and rage are over but the long term effects of trauma have lingered still. We both quit drinking for the past 8 months and the CD's have brought great progress to us through these issues.

I don't talk to my parents about this, or my sister afraid of bothering them and I tried to talk to his mother but she shut me off but giving me the silent turn to yourself treatment which I have and did thanks to this program but it cost me emotional wear and tear and a few jobs.

I don't talk to those who really know me because there answer is to leave him. They tell me I am stubborn and to scared to be alone but I see that I am alone and courageous. I do take their advise by not leaving but focusing off the worry and anxiety.

I am alone in this big city with really no real friends. My boyfriend and I have a life that I saw growing up as functional and a life of happiness and hope for the best.

HI,MY NAME IS STEPHANIE,I THINK YOU SHOULD TELL HIM YOU SHOULD BE HELPING ME CLEAN AND MAYBE SAMETIME COOK TO,YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO TOOK THIS FOR ANY RESON AT ALL ARE YOU BOTH STILL THE CD WITH EACH OTHER YES OR NO

FROM,STEPHANIE

Congratulations on your sobriety and for your progress. I find it confusing that your courage comes from the hope that you and he will marry and have a family. You already said youfeeel more like his mother than girlfriend. How will marrying and having children make your life better? I'm not being sarcastic, I'm asking you to think about it. I have found that marriage magnifies any issues not magically makes them dissappear. By the way I am married (12 years) and I thought the same thing. Eventually we had to deal with all of our issues. Maybe you should be honest with him about his lack of help around the house and begin to communicate. There is a great ministry called Marriage Today.org led by Jimmie and Karen Evans they have wonderful resources available that helped me to understand our role in marriage and what a great marriage looks like. My parents didn't have the best one, and that was the main model I had, no wonder I struggled. Anyway I hope that my insight did not hurt your feelings. I can definitely empathize with your dilemma.

I hope that you honestly know in your heart that how you feel now will NEVER go away unless you deal with the issue NOW. Trust me, marrying someone that you THINK will change is a huge mistake and bringing children into that environment is just totally wrong. Don't put that on beautiful babies, they deserve to grow up in a home that is safe and happy, with two parents that love each other and are partners. Time won't heal this wound, it will only fester and will become uglier with age. Try reading the book "Choosing Me before We" Get right with yourself and don't settle for anything less than True Happiness with a Partner, not a child.