You Feel the Way You Think

Anyone suffering from depression may post their history, experience, comments and/or suggestions. Please refrain from indepth discussions about medicines or other therapies.
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Posts: 43
Joined: Sat Sep 07, 2019 4:04 pm
Location: Wichita Falls, TX

You Feel the Way You Think

Post by Bryce_in_TX » Mon Oct 21, 2019 6:02 pm

I'm not trying to be mean when I say that, it's just the truth.

So how do we change and restructure the negative or scary thoughts we have towards ourselves?

One of the first steps is to write down the negative or scary thought when it occurs.
The next step is to come up with compassionate, positive, and realistic thoughts to replace the negative or scary thought.

The second step can be difficult. Depressed and anxious people are hard on themselves. They don't practice self love and self acceptance.

So, here's an example:
I was let go of a job in 1997. I was fired. This was the second time in my life I had been fired. I also had other problems from the past that fed into the thoughts that I wasn't worth much, didn't have much value as a human being.

Step One: I had to learn forgiveness towards myself for my past failures. I had to let go of those very painful memories and forgive myself. This was a process for me. It took sometime for me to accomplish this.

Step Two: I had to learn to accept and love myself as I was, not as I wanted to be or thought I should be. This goes along with step one. Unconditional love and acceptance of myself was necessary in addition to forgiving myself.

Step Two (A): Feeling unworthy and undeserving of getting better was also intertwined with this. I had to work at forgiving myself and accepting and loving myself no matter if I felt like I deserved it or not. Thoughts create emotions. Work at Step One and Two and feelings of worthiness will follow. It's the negative thoughts that are creating the feeling of unworthiness. The truth is that you are deserving. The thoughts and feelings of unworhiness are a lie.

Ok, so the thoughts I had with this second loss of a job from being fired went something like:
"If I were a good person this wouldn't have happened, "
"This doesn't happen to good people"
"I am worthless to my family and myself"
"My life is ruined. It's over."
"God hates me. He's cursed me."
"I can't get back into the work force, I can't reach that level of stability."
"I'm supposed to provide for my family. I'm a total faillure."

Thinking such thoughts creates terrible emotional pain. I can't put into words how bad I felt sometimes. So, what thoughts did I come up with to counter these very negative thoughts?

"Yes, I have failed in some of my jobs, but I succeeded in others. In order to get better I have to forgive myself for the mistakes and failures. So, I choose to forgive myself and let go of the painful memories."

"I can't change the past no matter how much I'd like to. What I can do is change the present and future. I choose to."

"I've honestly tried my very best all along the way. Honestly I have. Choose to love and accept yourself as you are."

"It takes courage to pick yourself up after falling down. Pat yourself on the back for getting up and choosing to continue to try to get better and get back in the workforce."

"I'm here for you, Bryce. No matter what anyone else says or does, I believe in you and I will love you no matter what. Count on it."

"Your family still loves you. Be thankful for that and take it to heart. Love them back and also be kind to yourself and love yourself."

Through changing what you think about yourself, you create new emotions that heal you from the inside. Over time the loving, compassionate thoughts will heal or greatly improve your emotional disorder.

You can't just think about it and expect change. Passivity won't create the you that you desire. You've got to journal and work at changing the negative internal dialogue. This Program, as well as other resources provide a road map on how to do this. CBT works if you work CBT.

In 2003 I went through a Jackson-Hewitt tax course that was free except for $50 for the textbook. There were about 30 of us who took the course. I had the highest avg out of the 3 or 4 groups of people taking the course. But, I honestly didn't know if I could be reliable enough to get up every day and show up for work at 9 or 10 a.m. I was afraid of failure. Very afraid of failure. I chose to try anyway.

During the first 3 to 4 weeks I had several nights where I couldn't go to sleep and went into work the next day not having had any sleep the night before. Once or twice I went 48 hours with no sleep. But, I was gradually able to develop a somewhat stable sleep cycle and worked into getting 4 to 5 hours of sleep a night. If my system was tired enough I would get 7 or 8 hours of sleep. This was enough. Then tax season ended. I looked for work after April but didn't find anything until next tax season came around.

I took the basic tax course again, plus a more advanced course this time. I had the highest class avg again for both classes.

I also had gone to Manpower and another temporary work assignment company in town and interviewed for bookkeeping and accounting jobs. That was embarrassing for me because of my work history, but a necessary step for me to get back into the workforce. I mean, what do you put down on a resume when the time period from your last job to now is 7 years? Yikes! Right? I took testing at Manpower for bookkeeping and Microsoft Office and did well on both. In December, 2004, Manpower called me to go to work for a wholesale/retail western boot company that was a startup. My job was packing and shipping sales orders and doing administrative office work assisting the Office Manager. So, even though the interviewing was somewhat embarrassing due to my past, it paid off. Subsequently I received a couple of very good reviews by Manpower before going to work as an employee of the boot company. (Employee of Manpower for 16 months, then employee of the company after that)

So, in 2005 I worked for Jackson-Hewitt during the tax season as much as I was needed and worked for the boot company part-time during tax season. This second year I was promoted to assistant manager for the tax office and on a few occasions I was in charge of a location. ( 3 tax office locations) It felt so good to be back in the work force and I wasn't missing a day of work.

The tax season was a total success and I learned a lot about doing taxes. After tax season I went to work full time for the boot company. This was a big step down to the accounting jobs I had held in previous years. In prior years I had worn 3 piece suits, had worked for two public companies as a non-certified accountant with an office of my own. Now I was at the bottom again, where I had started in 1976. I was just grateful to be back in the work force and able to work full time without missing a day due to emotional instability.

CBT and this program does work. There is hope for you. No matter how bleak the present looks, there honestly is hope for you.
"Life's battles don't always go to the stronger or faster man, but sooner or later the man who wins is the one who thinks he can."

Napoleon Hill

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