I just don't care or have the will anymore (If anyone on)

[ghewa]

As weird as it sounds and it makes no sense but I have a good paying job (I didn't apply for it but the CEO of my dads company saw one of the resumes that I let my dad see and he was impressed that I not only had my BA degree but managed to stick with a job for over 8 years as it got me through colleges.)

I was born into a good family and religion, I was bullied in 7th grade and since then I have had a confidence/anxiety problem that has shown up at times through my life, which has partly been the reason I am not even married at the age of 29 despite trying to get out of comfort zone to do so.

I quit that job of 8 years to move on to something better paying and more enjoyable or at least something I would be content with, this led to 4 months of limbo. Meaning I tried to think of any way to get into the field of film/multimedia, I asked for any advice or help only to be ignored or told it was not enough, you need a great portfolio, or time and again was left searching with zero clue as to what I could get into.

*A year later this is crazy but I am making more money, good family/religion, but that 4 months of not finding anything left a bigger emotional scar then I thought, I feel like I have heard all the same self help advice or counseling from family/advisors/religion and for some reason I just want to KILL MYSELF, JUST SHUT IT OFF.

Tonight my dad got angry and just said quit try something else, that COMMITTING SUICIDE just sounds lazy, "...then go ahead do it, you will be judged". I was very close to just going ahead and doing it but for some reason I didn't go through with it.

[coachchris]

Hi Ghewa,

Thank you for reaching out and posting. I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. Are you currently see a therapist or counselor?

You said since you were bullied you have had confidence problems and anxiety. May I ask what negative thoughts or lies you started having/believing because of the bullying and do you have the Combatting Stress and Depression Program program?

I look forward to your reply.
Coach Chris

[coachchris]

Hi Ghewa,

Thank you for reaching out and posting. I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. Are you currently see a therapist or counselor?

You said since you were bullied you have had confidence problems and anxiety. May I ask what negative thoughts or lies you started having/believing because of the bullying and do you have the Combatting Stress and Depression Program program?

I look forward to your reply.
Coach Chris

[ghewa]

I have a couple therapists over time but never felt a helpful connection, I just zero ideas for any kind of job alternative in case this one continues being slow or I become too bored to work for them despite me waiting for them to give me my next real task (which makes nervous/depressed).

I do have the program but lately my problem is that I like I have just given up, no matter how much I need to get help. Its like I hear the words but nothing is sticking, this is completely insane because I should be as happy as I can be and yet I feel like what Ive done up till now has meant nothing.

I am a 29 single man who keeps seeing all these people younger than me getting married, having kids, buying places to live and seem to be content with their career choices or know how to do job searches which often gets them some interviews but not me.

My live feels so lonely, boring, frightening despite all the things that my life has been blessed with.