Bob: I know exactly what you are talking about. I recently was having a lot of anxiety
and I was becoming frustrated, irritated, agitated and pissed off about everything.
I got an additional anxiety medication from my doctor and now I feel that the anxiety
is under control at this moment. But now I find myself crying every day. I find that
my depression has increased. I am a worrier and I worry about everything.
I was in the psychiatric hospital last October and
after that I participated in an Partial Hospitalization
Program. I was really receptive at the time to learning the Cognitive Behavioral
Therapy coping skills. I met a lot of great people in that program and the
facilitators were fantastic. I finally met a group of people that understood
what I was going through. I did not feel alone.
But now I still find myself having many ups and downs when what I really want
is "ups" all of the time. In October, November, December and January I was
keeping very busy. I was getting out of my apartment almost every day for
classes and workshops and support groups. February sucked and I stayed home.
( I had a problem with isolating myself for about two years previously ).
Then March and April weren't too bad. But I started to have a lot of physical health
issues and started to see a lot of doctors. I started to get severely overwhelmed.
I have seen seven doctors in the past four months. May and June have been
unproductive. Terribly unproductive as far as working on my recovery. I have
no motivation from within myself.
It seems that during the past two months all of my training and learning from last
year at the Partial Hospitalization Program have just gone out the window !
I have all the coping skills in my brain and I have what I call a "coping skills
toolbox" at home. I have everything at my disposal each day but I have been
so overwhelmed and depressed that I am not using my coping skills.
Now I almost feel like I have to start all over with learning to use my coping
skills on a daily basis so it becomes like second nature to me.
It is very hard to get things done when I am depressed. It is very hard to
find joy in anything when I am depressed. It takes so much effort to get
through each day when I am depressed. I am so tired.
I am also physically handicapped.
I am hoping that July can be the month that I get back into the swing
of things and start using my coping skills again and go back to those
support groups and workshops and classes. I have noticed such a change
in my mood and my daily living since I have quit socializing each week.
I guess I thought I would be doing much, much better than I am doing
now when I got out of the hospital last October. Maybe I thought I would
be "cured" by now. This journey is so long and tiring and I am on it
all alone.
Bob, please have patience. I know you can do it.
We have all walked in your path and we understand what you are going through.
Sorry I have talked so long. I have not been on the website for a while.
I guess I had to vent.
Lynda