Frustrated

[Amare]

I feel like my world has gotten so small. I'm frustrated and mad that I am still dealing with anxiety after 15 years, almost half of my life. Today, I had to go with my husband to pick up his car from the mechanic and follow him home. The mechanic is on the other side of town a area that I am not familiar with and I was afraid following him home. I told my self that what I was feeling was just anxiety and that it wouldn't hurt me. I talked myself through it at least and I was okay. I just hate the feelings associated with it. I felt so detached and weird, and uncomfortable, it scares me especially when I'm driving. I have thoughts about what if I lose control and get into an accident, my palms sweat as I grip the wheel so tight, afaid that my hands will slip. I just try and talk my self through the fear and it's so hard, I feel so frustrated I want to cry. I think why does some thing so easy for everyone else have to be so hard for me. I beat myself up with these thoughts, that I'm crazy, that I will be like this for the rest of my life. I've already spent 15 years like this, and I'm tired. I just want to be normal and enjoy life. I regret all the opportunities that I given up over these last 15 years and it makes me so sad and angry. Angry that I'm not stronger, that I gave up and gave into it time and time again. I'm desperate now, because I don't want to live this way. I have to figure it out. I have a baby girl who needs me. I need to make it through for her, to be a guide and a positive role model for her. I want her to be happy and enjoy life and want to be there with her. I want to do all the things that now I just dream about, I would like to finish all the things I've started and enjoy every moment in between.

[ANDRE.W2]

Andre.W2

Hello Amare, you are definitely not alone in this matter, I really appreciate you sharing this issue because it is so similar to mine. Just like you , I just want to be normal and not have to go through all these fears and anxieties.
I do believe that as I concentrate on the lessons like the book, meditation and relaxation assignment, listening to the cd's and staying in contact with peer support online, I believe I will come out of this and most of all my faith in God. I just want to say hold on and keep pushing forward as thing get better one hour at a time.

[CharlesGary]

I meant Hello haha.

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[BlueD]

Im sorry you are both having these problems. I 2 have very bad anxiety and I have pretty much stopped driving unless someone is with me, Just going to the store can put me in a panic. I have the program and have been doing it and I also just went to the dr and got on meds. I am here for yall!!

[findpeace]

Amare, I experience some of what have experienced, like gripping the whell so tight, I almost need a spatula to pry my hands off the wheel. The stuff i haven't experienced, i can relate to.

[lockdo]

I understand!!! I feel as if I am just a screw-up. I think everyone is trying to take advantage of me and I let them because I am fearful of confrontation. At times, I do catch a temper. I still feel guilty and small. I keep pushing but it feels like I am going nowhere. We still have to keep going.