Marriage Concern
Marriage Concern
Hey guys it's me again. I have been married four years to my wife. We have been together a total of seven years. Early in the relationship I made the mistake of talking to another girl on the computer she found out and by the grace of God was able to forgive me. Three months ago we got into an argument about our marriage she said I was'nt pulling my weight. I was doing all that I could with panic disorder and such although I admit I wasn't doing all that I could. After the argument I went on the computer and and went onto facebook she was logged in so I did what I regret now I looked in her messages. I knew she was talking to some of her old high school friends which where guys being naive I was ok with it. I opened up a conversation with a guy she was talking to. The conversation started out very innocent then it became flirting. She flirted then he flirted back and he started saying innappropriate things to my wife she didn't respond but didn't stop talking to him. It talked about how he wanted to go out to diiner with her and how he wanted to take her to a lake house and you know. I flipped out and called her saying I was done she screwed up and I want a divorce. She started crying saying it was a huge mistake and she never meant what she was saying and she just wanted attention. Then I thought to myself I try again she made a mistake. I wrote to this other guy and said to please stop talking to my wife he wrote back saying that if I was taking care of buisness I wouldnt have a problem. She blocked him on facebook and changed her number because he was trying to call and text her. He texted her things like she was a tease and such. I've been through agoraphobia depression and overcame it now this seems like such an impossible thing to overcome and I'm so scared. I'm scared because I love my wife and want our marriage to work and feel that I won't be able to get over it. And that I won't be able to get over my depression because of this. I have been hospitalized and scared I'll be forever trapped. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Re: Marriage Concern
Hi jkick,
I've never been married, so I can't imagine what you're going through. It sounds like you and your wife are working things out though. That's good that she has taken the steps necessary to block that guy from ever contacting her again.
You should be proud of yourself for trying to work things out - relationships are not easy, and supply the greatest stress in life. You should also be proud of yourself for speaking up to that guy and sending firm boundaries that he had no right to cross in the first place.
If you are spiritual at all, I would encourage you to pray and ask the Lord to direct you and your wife and bring you closer. That's His desire and He is able to help you both if you are open to seeking Him.
The key with depression is to take one day at a time. You need to focus on what you can do to make yourself feel better NOW. Tell yourself that you are going to practice your skills today and take it slow. Exercise is key for people with depression, it helps to get some feel-good hormones going that instantly help to pick your mood up. Make sure that you are getting adequate sleep and have tasks that keep you busy, purposeful and distracted from any obsessive worries.
Also, ask yourself - is there any ACTION that I can take to deal with this issue? People like us tend to dwell. Dwelling doesn't help anything. Brainstorm things that you and your wife can do together to bring you closer. Maybe you can exercise together. Maybe you can go out to eat. Go on a picnic. Start a house project together, or get involved in some type of club.
I hope this post has helped. Don't worry, you CAN handle this. You have skills at your disposal, make sure to practice them!
Praying for you!
I've never been married, so I can't imagine what you're going through. It sounds like you and your wife are working things out though. That's good that she has taken the steps necessary to block that guy from ever contacting her again.
You should be proud of yourself for trying to work things out - relationships are not easy, and supply the greatest stress in life. You should also be proud of yourself for speaking up to that guy and sending firm boundaries that he had no right to cross in the first place.
If you are spiritual at all, I would encourage you to pray and ask the Lord to direct you and your wife and bring you closer. That's His desire and He is able to help you both if you are open to seeking Him.
The key with depression is to take one day at a time. You need to focus on what you can do to make yourself feel better NOW. Tell yourself that you are going to practice your skills today and take it slow. Exercise is key for people with depression, it helps to get some feel-good hormones going that instantly help to pick your mood up. Make sure that you are getting adequate sleep and have tasks that keep you busy, purposeful and distracted from any obsessive worries.
Also, ask yourself - is there any ACTION that I can take to deal with this issue? People like us tend to dwell. Dwelling doesn't help anything. Brainstorm things that you and your wife can do together to bring you closer. Maybe you can exercise together. Maybe you can go out to eat. Go on a picnic. Start a house project together, or get involved in some type of club.
I hope this post has helped. Don't worry, you CAN handle this. You have skills at your disposal, make sure to practice them!
Praying for you!
Re: Marriage Concern
Ok so I have no idea where to begin on this. I have never been married, but I've been an excellent fountain of advice. It is a great thing that you found your courage to confront that other guy and set some boundaries. This may sound a little bit "too close to the edge", but you can always just check up on your wife with any problems that would concern her and find out things from there. You really should do some "partner projects" meaning work on something as not just independent human beings, but as a great couple trying to work as one!! If you believe this advice helped you, pm me. The name's Tim or if you'd prefer referring to my username, call me Zack
Light and Darkness will show your true path. Don't stray away from either of them