It's hitting hard...

[Dixiesmom]

I really haven't suffered much from depression over the last couple of years. However, yesterday everything hit rock bottom and now it is back in full force. My oldest son is visiting me, he is almost 16. I haven't seen him in almost 2 years. Even though visitation is spelled out, I don't get to see him. I could force the issue, but there is already so much anger and bitterness. The youngest son lives with me. Their father is a cross-country truck driver and the oldest who lives with his dad doesn't have much supervision. He missed 33 days of school this year and was suspended for cussing a teaching and then got in trouble for stealing a phone at school. They didn't suspend him then because he would not have been able to pass. His grades are always failing and border line. How he manages to pass, I don't know. I believe they are just passing him. He called his dad yesterday and said that we were physically abusing the youngest. His dad called the police and social services. They came out and investigated and determined that nothing was going on. This is not the first time he has done this. That outcome was the same, nothing was going on. Their dad has been trying to get the youngest to live with him for years now. He is trying anything and everything he can. He has posted on facebook about me, although some times it is a vague reference to me. And, my oldest has a facebook account and can read it. One time he called me a crazy bitch. Other times have bordered on threatening. Comments like if today is slap your ex day, then when is hang your ex day? Slapping isn't good enough. Another one: post if someone is alive today because you can't afford a hitman. I'm thinking there would be two people on that list. I am so tired of this. I don't think that I can take anymore. I don't understand how he can continue to file false claims and be able to post what he is posting about me. How can it be ok for our oldet who lives with him to miss 33 days of school and to have failing grades? I have no one to turn to, no one to help me, no support. And, I'm on the verge of a black hole swallowing me up.

[Dixiesmom]

Even though I had hoped to receive a little support or encouragement here on the peer support forums, I didn't. But, I do understand peoples unwillingness to involve themselves in situations like this or the factor of who is actually telling the truth. I am posting further so that others who may be going through something like this or may in the future, will know that they are not alone and may receive some encouragement from someone who has been there.
During the investigation, they asked about my oldest and school. I did tell them about the number of days missed, his grades, his suspensions, etc. Also, the fact that he lives alone while his dad drives cross-country (I have never said anything except to a school counselor about this because his grandmother who is in her upper 80's lives next door and all they have to do is say that he stays with her when his dad is on the road.) They asked me to get that stuff together and bring it up there. The officer also said that he noticed that my oldest was trying to get the youngest to say that he was spanked all the time because when the question was brought up, he kept looking at him and nudging him with his foot.
I brought the information they requested to them and they are forwarding it to social services in the appropriate state. Although I hate doing that type of thing because I feel that it is a tit for tat type of thing. They also looked over the facebook posts where he threatened to kill me and had a lady come in and talk to me about filing an emergency protective order or epo. I am not sure what I will do about that yet.
I am hurt because I thought that my oldest and I were getting along really well, for the first time in a long time. I am now spinning with confusion. I know that my ex wants my youngest to come live with him and that as he turns 12, the age that he can decide, things would get tough.
Because I don't really have a support system - no close friends, just a few acquaintances, no real family support as they are tired of my ex's drama and can no longer handle the stress, I am left trying to muddle through things as best as I can. My husband and I talk, but it is tough when you are both emotionally involved in everything going on. I must trust that God will give me the strength that I need.

[Dixiesmom]

I did talk to the lawyers that assist in filing the emergency protective orders. The outcome was what I thought it would be, which is why I have never done anything. However, given the situation, I felt that I needed to follow through on everything that was suggested that I do. The lawyers stated that since my name was never directly used, just ex in some cases, and that since he lives in a different state, they did not believe that it would constitute an emergency protection. They said I might be able to file harassment or threatening charges. Given the indirect reference to me, the fact that it would be a misdemeanor charge and no arrest would ever be made because he lives in another state and they will not travel to another state for a misdemeanor charge, I will not file charges. I did, back in September, when some of this first came out, file a report with the sheriff's department, just in case. The lawyer did try to look him up on facebook to see what he was writing. I'm not sure she was looking at the same person, but she asked if he had an old picture of himself posted in a police uniform, and I said yes. She made the statement that there was a post about "whatever happened to death do us part.....I'll just shoot her." I was stunned silent. Like I said, I'm not sure it was the same person, but it sounded like him. The thing is, he filed for divorce and we have been divorced for 6 years. Things do not seem to be improving, but getting worse. You would think that after that much time, he would have moved on somewhat.
I will just have to wait and see what happens next.