scared to no end

[lucy knepp]

Dear Timothy
You are loved. Inside yourself you don't feel that way and it's hard to realize it because you are in a situation that has caused you to doubt that you are loved. Love is unconditional. Your mom and dad might not LIKE you too much these days but the love is always there. Listen to me. Take your mind off yourself for just a few minutes. It's hard to imagine but your parents held you....YOU Timothy the first born child ...in their arms and loved you then and to this day! You can't see it now. Your brothers.....they are young boys. They act like and think like young boys. They don't know what love truly is yet. I think you know love. Love is not receiving but giving. It's when you put others' needs in front of your own. Be smart Timothy. Hang in there every minute, every day, every year. Don't be a quitter. You have no idea what the future has in store for you. It can be wonderful. These things you think about now will soon pass and new things to think about will emerge. In the meantime, don't stress over these mere happenings in life. You can be happy. Just stay calm, follow the rules, throw yourself diligently into your schoolwork, graduate from high school, think about what you want to do with you life. It's YOUR life but that doesn't mean that you have the right to waste it. You can always get more money but you can't get more TIME. I remember something I memorized in high school because we had to and it stuck in my head. I thought it was so true but now I see it was stupid. Here it is........Shakespeare's "Macbeth's Soliloquey Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day to the last syllable of recorded time. And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death. Out, out brief candle, life is but a walking shadow. A poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by and idiot full of sound and fury signifying nothing! So, Timothy, you see.....you are Macbeth right now standing in your room saying these words. But every coin has two sides. Flip the coin over. There are skies of blue, trees of green......a baby's smile. Yes....it's still a beautiful world. Now, the key is to learn patience, tolerance, (was not Jesus persecuted)? Was not Paul imprisoned? Were not millions persecuted wrongly? Who are we to think we should not suffer? For through pain and suffering we share in the glory of the Christ. Born to be King of Kings and Lord of Lords he was rejected by many............even Mary his mother later thought he was giving too much attention to the people instead of her and Joseph. He told her these are my brothers and sisters. But at the cross did not Mary hold his limp body in her arms and cry the tears only a mother knows? The love Timothy is always there. Your mother and father love you so very much. They are frustrated now...mom is probably tired (4 children and a husband in public office)! Give them a break! Cut them some slack! Forget yourself for a moment and put yourself in their places. What are they thinking, get in their heads. A man has to feed his family, pay the bills, running for office my Lord...what a task!. But you Timothy have obligations also. To God and yourself. Obligations to finish school, be the best you can, and if you are a garbage collector that's good. Put your heart in it and be the best trash man ever!
You are you. To be a man (not necessarily a Marine) but a mere man.............strive to be more Christ like.
I will pray for you Timothy and I know God hears me because he has worked miracles in my life.
Your friend from Pittsburgh
Lucy

[lucy knepp]

Hello again!
Thought I would check in on you to see if you agreed with anything I wrote. I thought I made a lot of sense I hope you find peace of mind and a real loving connection with your family and that you find some really good friends (like ME)

Try to be happy with yourself! Try to help others. You'll find it rewarding.
Lucy

[tjzaxxer]

hey lucy. first, please dont call me timothy, tim, or anything related to my original name. lets just say that im between millions of rocks and hard places. summer school starts on the 19th, im in pain from who knows what and more pain, basically im stressed and becoming depressed without knowing what to do. my youngest brother, sammy, hates me and so does danny. i have been writing my books lately just for fun, but now they are being used as an escape route out of situations. my doctor isnt much help and i feel like i cant rely/count on my parents because they dont know even the slightest bit of what im going through; plus my dad has never been there for me while i was way younger. i feel like EVERYBODY is abandoning me and i just want to cry right now, but i cant because im trying to sleep and epically failing. keep in touch and please, call me Zack. from Zackary Johnathan Sonitar

[lucy knepp]

Okay! Zach it is (even though I really LOVE the name Timothy better). I will respect your wishes. Did you think about anything at all that I wrote you? What about Shakespeare..........that soliloquey (ain't it cool)? How do you spell that word anyway? I am so sorry to hear you are suffering. I wish there was something I could do.
Tell me something about your books. I am genuinely interested. Just give me a quick synopses. I haven't a clue what it's about. I wonder why your Dr. isn't helping you more. Maybe he is a "Quack." Well Zach!
Write when you can
Hope things look up!

[Dixiesmom]

Hey there! As far as the dreams go, maybe you should start writing them down when you have them. Then you can document everything. I had a dream one time that my sister was in a car wreck with this girl she went to school with. (This was all a LONG time ago!!) Several years after the dream, my sister did have a car wreck and while she wasn't with the girl that she went to school with, they did live together at the time. I believe it's possible that people can dream about things that will happen or bits and pieces of things that can happen.
Although I am now grown and a mother myself, as a child I always felt different, not good enough and that I had to do everything perfect in order to be loved. I think that we go through things as kids and teens that we don't fully understand. Although I still feel different (and I'm now ok with that) I can look back and better understand things that my parents did. It doesn't mean that it's right, but that I understand, and I know that they did (and still do) love me. As I got a little older, I put my parents through a lot. We test them, sometimes not intentionally. We judge how they respond and react, what they say and do or don't say and do. The truth is, THEY may not know how to respond or what to do or not do. Remember that, that their reactions to you may not be intentionally trying to hurt you. They just may not know what else to do or how else to handle things.
I also speak from a different angle. I have a son that is about your age. He is in trouble a lot (he does not live with me, so it is not with me that he is in trouble with). We have a strained relationship at best. I know some of it is the age he is at, some of it are the circumstances with where he is living and the messages he is receiving. Whenever we do see each other, it typically doesn't end well. But, I still love him. I wish that I could reach him and help him, but I'm not able too. I know that he thinks I am mean and don't care about him. But, that's not true. Yes, I tend to be strict, but it's not to be meant to be mean. I have reached the point where I have let go. I have told him I love him and will be here for him when he is ready. But, I feel like I have lost him. It's not what I want, but I am all out of options. Parents don't always have the answers and don't always know where to turn or what to do, but it doesn't mean they don't care.

[tjzaxxer]

hey people, i have some horrible news: my dad is becoming more and more distant from my life and so are my brothers. the only person in my immediate family that has been growing closer to me is my mom. she just got out of the hospital with blood clotes in her lungs with two main bad roads the clotes could lead to 1: stroke or 2: heart attack. so im trying to help her and bring alot less stress to her. my life is worse than that, but thats another part of the story i will tell later. right now, i have to get to sleep to wake up for summer school. so good night all... Zackary Johnathan Sonitar