How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up your Life?

Anyone suffering from depression may post their history, experience, comments and/or suggestions. Please refrain from indepth discussions about medicines or other therapies.
mark167
Posts: 74
Joined: Thu Oct 15, 2009 12:31 pm

Re: How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up your Lif

Post by mark167 » Sat May 26, 2012 7:36 am

Lynda and Lucy - Thank u for your replies. Your input means a lot to me as these posts/forums are a significant part of my recovery. Even if (when) I fully recover and get 'happy' again, doing this will always be important to me.

Lynda, my reduced mental functioning does disturb me as a part of it may be permanent, but I have read or been told that the brain can always make new connections if we exercise/use it and practice positive thinking. I'm glad u didnt commit suicide 5 yrs ago (as am I 4 or 2 yrs ago) because u have played a significant role here on these forums and I am sure ur input has helped, maybe even saved, some ppl here.

I can see with everything I have gone thru the last 4, and even 12 years, that I will not be able to do the same things when I do return to work and it will be like starting over again after a good 20 year career, which is discouraging, but at least it is going to be a start. I realize I am not the same person anymore, but I hope the new me can leave a mark, somewhere, somehow. I have not had the courage to tell my family exactly how I feel and think as I think it would be hard on them, and they would not understand what happened and why. My physical health is still good, but my mental health is shaky at best. With the issues u face, I can see it being hard trying to figure out what to do in ur life at this point. I have realized in the past few months that an improved mental health is paramount if I am going to try to get things done in other parts of my life. So if I could suggest that, work on how u think and feel first, and as u get better and recover, u will be in a much better and stronger position to tackle the other important issues and challenges.

You are being overwhelmed by so many issues - try to take one issue at a time, one step and one day at a time. Also, along the way, be kind to and patient with yourself. It has taken some time to get to this point and mental state, so it will take time to bounce back and recover. Just dont ever give up. I know it seems easier that way, but that is not the way to live life, as I also did that, being so discouraged for so long, and recently decided to do what I can to regain my life again. Sometimes we need to face that scary darkness in order to fight, survive, and see the light. Consider these quotes - "When you stand with your back to the sun, your shadow is before you; but when you turn and face the sun, then your shadow falls behind you." ~ Hazrat Inayat Khan. ...and from the song: "I can see clearly now, the rain is gone, I can see all obstacles in my way. Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind. It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright) Sun-Shiny day. I think I can make it now, the pain is gone. All of the bad feelings have disappeared. Here is the rainbow I’ve been prayin for. ..Look all around, there’s nothin but blue skies" I hope we will all be able to rid ourselves of the rain and dark clouds and to find that rainbow and to see clearly again!!

Please keep in touch and feel free to ramble on, if it helps u to release some of the negative thoughts, and esp if u have positive thoughts and experiences, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem, that can help and inspire ppl in these forums. Like u said, no more focusing on the neg anniversaries, or thoughts and feelings. Lets look and move forward to pos thoughts and creating positive things to celebrate! Not only will next year be a better year, but lets make next month and next week better too! :D
"The clock is running. Make the most of today. Time waits for no one. Yesterday's history. Tomorrow's a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present." --- "Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So...get on your way.”

mark167
Posts: 74
Joined: Thu Oct 15, 2009 12:31 pm

Re: How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up your Lif

Post by mark167 » Sat May 26, 2012 7:41 am

Lucy, One thing I have discovered since coming to these forums is how many ppl suffer in similar ways to me, and that I am not alone, and I do not need to isolate myself any longer. I have always been able to turn just about any pos thought or experience into something neg, esp while in the midst of my deep, dark depression or while I was on that wild emotional rollercoaster a few months ago. That neg trigger or switch in the brain is very frustrating and discouraging, and I hope one day that the pos switch is stronger and works just as well and effectively as the neg one has. It has been with me for a lonnnng time and I realize it will take a lot of time and effort to break that chain and cycle. I am hoping the program and the tools/ techniques it provides do work well for me, but I am not experiencing that as I have not been working my program. However, I have been helped a lot already by these posts and forums, as well as the chatroom.
It's true a number of things will no longer be the same, but some will be, and some will be even better (hoping!). One thing I have realized is that I need to put the past in teh past where it belongs, and not worry about teh future yet as I dont even know how things will turn out next week or month, much less next year or when my kids are all grown up, and to stay in and focus on the present, as that is the only thing I have and know for sure right now. Like my signature says, "The clock is running. Make the most of today. Time waits for no one. Yesterday's history. Tomorrow's a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present." Lets make our present, and presence, count and build towards a better future and recovery, one step and one day at a time!! I hope you continue to keep sharing and posting, and chatting, as it does really help ur friends, like me (: I really appreciate all teh support and help I get on this site which keeps me from slipping back, even when I still have my down days. I will always continue to let ppl like u in to help me feel happy. :) Thanks again!
"The clock is running. Make the most of today. Time waits for no one. Yesterday's history. Tomorrow's a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present." --- "Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So...get on your way.”

lucy knepp
Posts: 87
Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2011 8:31 pm

Re: How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up your Lif

Post by lucy knepp » Thu Jun 07, 2012 10:25 pm

Hello
Sorry I haven't written. I don't check the forums all the time.....I need to more often. I read what you and Mark had written and I thank you for sharing your personal life stories. It really does help. I have been through the program twice but just ventured into the forums and min chat about 5 months ago. We bought this computer from AARP and it is just right for us. We are not very computer literate so this helps a lot.
I did still have the CD's and the cards. I use the computer mostly now. My problem is more depression but anxiety comes on me too. I get sad thinking about getting older. I feel I am wasting my life worrying about being 62 instead of living 62. I have been bless with a wonderful family and good health. My husband Dean and I are retired. We both worked at the hospital. I told him we are retired, not dead. He has gained a lot of weight....me too but not as much. We have decided to walk, eat less beef and smaller portions, and get up off the couch. I hope we lose weight so we can get out more without getting out of breath.
Sometimes I become extremely sad (missing my mom and dad) and then I think how my brother and sister don't call me more than a few times a year. Then I get bummed out that they are so successful and I was just a Medical lab technician. I know it's wrong to think that way. I guess we know lots of things but when those feelings come there is no rhyme or reason. I use the techniques from the program. Self talk is good. Diversion too. Getting up, taking a shower, doing something no matter how small. If I gather up the garbage it makes me feel I did something.
Well, I hope to talk with you again.
Lucy
Pittsburgh :roll:

LyndaLu
Posts: 794
Joined: Sun Oct 03, 2010 4:43 pm

Re: How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up your Lif

Post by LyndaLu » Thu Jun 14, 2012 8:03 pm

I haven't written here recently because my mom was in the hospital.
My mom had chest pains and called 911. She was admitted to the hospital.
She got a pacemaker a few days later. She was in the hospital for a week.
During the time she was in the hospital I stayed at her condo, which was
near the hospital, so that I could visit her each day. Then after she returned
to her home I stayed with her for week so that I could take care of
her. I also drove her to and from her three doctors appointments after
her discharge from the hospital. So, I stayed at her house for two weeks
and now I back at my tiny apartment by myself. My mom is doing fine and
her pulse is finally under control since getting her pacemaker. She has one
more appointment next week. The surgery was a success and she
is on her own once again. She is 82 years old. During this time of great stress
I started to drink caffeine again, although not every day, and I really loaded
up on the sugary foods that were available to me in her home. I totaly went
backwards from where I was as far as food was concerned. I now have to
get my sugar intake under control. Before she went into the hospital I was
struggling on Session 9 and was at a stand-still on that Session. I still am.
I am stuck on Session 9. The subject is a tough one and the homework is
brutal. I am going to have to really concentrate now to get back on track. I feel
like I have lost my way on the program now. I am going to try not to get
discouraged. I have come so far on the program, but I also have a long way to
go yet. There are 15 Sessions. Well, that is all for now. Just thought I would
write a little here today since I haven't been on here for a couple of weeks.
Stay Strong.
Lynda :?

NeverQuit
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 06, 2010 1:22 pm

Re: How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up your Lif

Post by NeverQuit » Thu Jun 14, 2012 8:10 pm

Hi Lynda,
Don't get discouraged. Everyone gets stuck at one point or another on a lesson. Keep plugging along! Don't feel like you have to get it perfectly either. If it's perfectionism holding you back, make sure to speak that positive dialogue to yourself.
I know for me, sugar is a depressant. I don't feel good when I eat a lot of it. And as sensitive anxious people, I think we feel it more than normal. So give yourself a break. You've just gone through a lot! You'll get yourself back on track. :)

LyndaLu
Posts: 794
Joined: Sun Oct 03, 2010 4:43 pm

Re: How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up your Lif

Post by LyndaLu » Thu Jun 14, 2012 10:54 pm

NeverQuit wrote:Hi Lynda,
Don't get discouraged. Everyone gets stuck at one point or another on a lesson. Keep plugging along! Don't feel like you have to get it perfectly either. If it's perfectionism holding you back, make sure to speak that positive dialogue to yourself.
I know for me, sugar is a depressant. I don't feel good when I eat a lot of it. And as sensitive anxious people, I think we feel it more than normal. So give yourself a break. You've just gone through a lot! You'll get yourself back on track. :)
Thank you SO much. :)

Lynda

LyndaLu
Posts: 794
Joined: Sun Oct 03, 2010 4:43 pm

Re: How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up your Lif

Post by LyndaLu » Tue Jun 19, 2012 8:50 pm

What else can go wrong ! Today I got a NOTICE FOR REPAYMENT

OF A NUTRITION ASSISTANCE OVERPAYMENT. I have been getting

food stamps since January 2012. Now the Department of Economic

Security says THE AGENCY FAILED TO BUDGET THE CORRECT AMOUNT

OF MY EARNED OR UNEARNED INCOME for January - February 2012

and I owe them $289.00 ! I am unemployed and that is a lot of money.

So today I have to cut them a check for $289.00. My unemployment

insurance benefits expired in May 2012. Back in January 2012 I really

needed assistance and I humbly asked for the food stamps, the

Department of Economic Security said that I DID qualify. Now I am finding

out that asking for assistance was a bad idea. If I have to pay them

back for March, April, May or June I am going to be broke. I am already

making arrangements to receive money from my sister each month

to help me pay my monthly bills.

How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up my Life.....plenty !

Lynda :(

lucy knepp
Posts: 87
Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2011 8:31 pm

Re: How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up your Lif

Post by lucy knepp » Tue Jun 19, 2012 10:38 pm

DON'T PAY IT! Just sayin' I think if it's their fault you shouldn't have to pay it. Seriously!

This whole world has really gotten screwed up!
Lucy from Pittsburgh :evil:

LyndaLu
Posts: 794
Joined: Sun Oct 03, 2010 4:43 pm

Re: How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up your Lif

Post by LyndaLu » Thu Jun 21, 2012 6:25 pm

lucy knepp wrote:DON'T PAY IT! Just sayin' I think if it's their fault you shouldn't have to pay it. Seriously!

This whole world has really gotten screwed up!
Lucy from Pittsburgh :evil:
I can opt to have a fair hearing within 90 days but I just said
screw it and mailed them the money.
I called them on the phone and canceled any
future funds that they may try to up-load on
my food stamp card. I am done dealing
with them as of July 1st, 2012. The government
is so messed up.
Lynda :shock:

mark167
Posts: 74
Joined: Thu Oct 15, 2009 12:31 pm

Re: How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up your Lif

Post by mark167 » Sun Jul 01, 2012 3:50 am

Hi Lucy, I'm sorry I havent written either lately. I have been enjoying the chats and pm's but forget about how useful these forums and posts r to my recovery too. I do get to read them occasionally but am not too quick to respond, so I will read and respond more often. Everyone sharing their life stories and providing their input and support does help! I am also not very computer literate and with technology advancing way ahead of me, I am glad to be able to do these simple things. I too get sad thinking about getting older. I am facing the big 5-0 next month and what with the way I have lived my life the last 12 years, thanks to depression, I feel I am wasting away my life and limiting my future. It is very good to do anything, no matter how small or insignificant, to stay active, and to eat sensibly, as that will promote a better physical and mental health.
Even tho my elderly parents are still alive, and I am grateful they are, I miss them as I rarely see them being so far away, but they will be coming here in 3 weeks so that will be nice. I have been wondering if I should speak to them then to let them know more of what I am dealing with (depr), but I dont want to have them worry more about me than they probably already do. It will also be an occasion to see my sister and 1 brother. I dont ever hear from them unless I contact them first. I also get bummed as they have all been very successful, but they have worked hard at it and deserve it. They would all probably be pretty surprised and sad for me if they knew the reality of how I live. I need to do a LOT of work on the neg self talk as that has been a big problem for me over the years.
Thanks again for all your support and caring thru the chats and messages. Take care.
"The clock is running. Make the most of today. Time waits for no one. Yesterday's history. Tomorrow's a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present." --- "Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So...get on your way.”

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