Hi Mark!
I am feeling down tonight and was happy to read your post from July 1st. It picked me up. It's a silly thing, but you know I am sensitive and I guess get hurt feelings easily. I went with my son and Mandi and their daughter Janelle (2 1/2) to eat wings at a nearby restaurant. Mandi said I give Janelle whatever she wants and does whatever she wants and she is right. She said that it makes it harder for her. She said that the word NO is not even in my vocabulary. I felt hurt but just shut up and ate my wings, ignoring Janelle. I did mention to them that being parents is not easy but neither is being a grandma. LOL!
Hope you enjoy the visit with you sister and 1 brother, and Mom and Dad! I know what you mean about not wanting them to worry any more than they have to about you. It probably wouldn't hurt to share some with them. They love you. You know how much you love those beautiful girls of yours so you know what a mom and dad's love is like.
Thanks for cheering me up tonight
Love
Lucy
How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up your Life?
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lucy knepp
- Posts: 87
- Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2011 8:31 pm
Re: How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up your Lif
Hi Mark
Glad to hear from you.
I too worry about telling my family just how bad my recent depression has been.
I send e-mails to my sister, but I never talk to her on the phone.
She knows part of what of what is going on in my life, but not how bad I have been
feeling the past three months... the fear and the sadness.
I don't talk about my feelings to my elderly mother, she would not understand at all.
My mom is elderly and is almost a shut-in. My mom has her own problems to think about.
I hope that you have a good visit with your family.
Stay Strong and God Bless,
Lynda
Glad to hear from you.
I too worry about telling my family just how bad my recent depression has been.
I send e-mails to my sister, but I never talk to her on the phone.
She knows part of what of what is going on in my life, but not how bad I have been
feeling the past three months... the fear and the sadness.
I don't talk about my feelings to my elderly mother, she would not understand at all.
My mom is elderly and is almost a shut-in. My mom has her own problems to think about.
I hope that you have a good visit with your family.
Stay Strong and God Bless,
Lynda
Re: How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up your Lif
I have recently been able to write my sister some letters in the mail
telling her exactly how I have been feeling and what is going on in
my life. It really made me feel better to let it all out and to
be honest with her about my current life situation in those letters.
I have been trying to open up with my feelings to my mother too
and to let her know a little more about what is going on in my life also.
A small weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and hopefully I can
continue to communicate with my family as best as I know how in
the present and the future. I started attending church again recently
and have met a small group of really nice people there. It has
taken me two months to really open up to them and I feel that this
has been a blessing for me, it has lifted my spirits a little bit.
I am hoping that this trend will continue and that I can be honest
with the people in my life. I finally need to "let it all out" and
hopefully this will help me to move on to a new and better chapter
in my life. Wishing everyone the greatness they deserve in their lives.
Lynda
telling her exactly how I have been feeling and what is going on in
my life. It really made me feel better to let it all out and to
be honest with her about my current life situation in those letters.
I have been trying to open up with my feelings to my mother too
and to let her know a little more about what is going on in my life also.
A small weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and hopefully I can
continue to communicate with my family as best as I know how in
the present and the future. I started attending church again recently
and have met a small group of really nice people there. It has
taken me two months to really open up to them and I feel that this
has been a blessing for me, it has lifted my spirits a little bit.
I am hoping that this trend will continue and that I can be honest
with the people in my life. I finally need to "let it all out" and
hopefully this will help me to move on to a new and better chapter
in my life. Wishing everyone the greatness they deserve in their lives.
Lynda
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lucy knepp
- Posts: 87
- Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2011 8:31 pm
Re: How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up your Lif
Hello Lynda
I was happy to read in your post that you are opening up to the family and found a group at church. I haven't been able to really open up all the way with anyone. My family and friends know that I get depressed but not to what extent. I started back to church a few months ago and am so glad I did. I want to join one f the groups but fear is holding me back. Fear of revealing too much, not fitting in, saying the wrong things, getting stuck in a commitment situation. So for now it's just ..go, sit listen, learn from the sermon, contribute, bake some cakes, donate for the rummage sale. Things like that. Not ready for direct people contact.
Lucy
I was happy to read in your post that you are opening up to the family and found a group at church. I haven't been able to really open up all the way with anyone. My family and friends know that I get depressed but not to what extent. I started back to church a few months ago and am so glad I did. I want to join one f the groups but fear is holding me back. Fear of revealing too much, not fitting in, saying the wrong things, getting stuck in a commitment situation. So for now it's just ..go, sit listen, learn from the sermon, contribute, bake some cakes, donate for the rummage sale. Things like that. Not ready for direct people contact.
Lucy
Re: How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up your Lif
I did not think I was ready for direct people contact either when I started attending churchlucy knepp wrote:Hello Lynda
I was happy to read in your post that you are opening up to the family and found a group at church. I haven't been able to really open up all the way with anyone. My family and friends know that I get depressed but not to what extent. I started back to church a few months ago and am so glad I did. I want to join one f the groups but fear is holding me back. Fear of revealing too much, not fitting in, saying the wrong things, getting stuck in a commitment situation. So for now it's just ..go, sit listen, learn from the sermon, contribute, bake some cakes, donate for the rummage sale. Things like that. Not ready for direct people contact.
Lucy
again on April 29th. I had the same reservations that you have listed above.
I have not joined the church yet that I have attended since April, THAT is a commitment
that I cannot make at this time in my life. But I have commited myself to attending the
church service each Sunday, going to the bible class after the service and then eating
brunch with some of the church ladies. Sometimes I don't feel like going to church
on Sunday, and I even start thinking about it on Saturday night. But I get myself
out of bed early Sunday morning and I make myself attend. I know that in the long run
it will make my day better, it will make my week better. I am trying to become a better
listener while being around others and this practice seems to be working. People really
just want someone to listen to them, to not interrupt them and to not always give them
advice. They just want to be heard. I have shared a little about my life to the church
ladies during the bible class and the brunch. They have been kind to me and very caring.
You don't have to tell the people at your church your entire life story, just share one
or two things about yourself. The church I have been attending is a small church.
So many people know my name now ! I cannot remember ALL of their names, I am
terrible at remembering names ! I wish you the best at your church, you sound like
you are headed in the right direction.
Stay Strong,
Lynda
Re: How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up your Lif
I haven't posted on here in over a year, so I figured I would give an update. I had been doing a fair bit better over the past year and a half since I first posted in March 2012. That was the last time I had been in a severe/extreme depression. It took me a long time to dig my way out of that very deep, dark hole. While I did progress and improve somewhat, I was never really happy or feeling 'normal' again, and was still mildly to moderately depressed. That still felt a lot better than I did before over most of the previous 4 years and at least I was progressing. A couple things that helped was I had a good psychologist that I was seeing on a regular basis. I also finally got to working my program. I started it the end of last summer and finished a few months ago. The help and support I received from members here also made a big difference.
Unfortunately I have been regressing pretty badly lately. I would like to call it a growth spurt but it definitely is a big setback. There have been a number of factors that have combined to make me feel and think a lot more negatively lately. My sessions with my psy came to an end 7 weeks ago. I came off my anti-depressants at the beginning of the summer as my prescription ran out and I wasn't able to see my doctor and with my financial limitations, I am not really able to afford them now. Up until lately, I have done okay without them. I also find summer to be a challenge for me to stay on track with things as my daughters were off on vacation from school and time for myself was very limited. Now that they are returning to school, I have looked back at the summer with some sadness and regrets for the things I wanted to do that I did not do with them due to the way I was feeling. I also had another birthday a few days ago. It made me feel kind of worse as I realized another year has come and gone and I still hadn't made any progress on some important issues in my life (finalizing my divorce, getting back to work).
I am not getting any younger and time is slipping by so quickly. It discourages me to know that I am thinking and feeling this way again. I have no motivation or energy to do things. I am not eating much these days and my sleep is erratic. I am sad and lonely and isolate myself, which makes it worse. I feel overwhelmed by everything I need to get done and by the increasingly negative thoughts and the struggles that lie ahead as I try to dig myself out of this hole once again. I wish I could say I have some hope to change and get better, but I don't see this turning out well, short term or long term. The stress and worry from the depression and anxiety is wearing on me greatly, mentally, emotionally and physically too I am sure.
I would really appreciate any feedback/comments and any support/guidance you can offer. Thank you.
Unfortunately I have been regressing pretty badly lately. I would like to call it a growth spurt but it definitely is a big setback. There have been a number of factors that have combined to make me feel and think a lot more negatively lately. My sessions with my psy came to an end 7 weeks ago. I came off my anti-depressants at the beginning of the summer as my prescription ran out and I wasn't able to see my doctor and with my financial limitations, I am not really able to afford them now. Up until lately, I have done okay without them. I also find summer to be a challenge for me to stay on track with things as my daughters were off on vacation from school and time for myself was very limited. Now that they are returning to school, I have looked back at the summer with some sadness and regrets for the things I wanted to do that I did not do with them due to the way I was feeling. I also had another birthday a few days ago. It made me feel kind of worse as I realized another year has come and gone and I still hadn't made any progress on some important issues in my life (finalizing my divorce, getting back to work).
I am not getting any younger and time is slipping by so quickly. It discourages me to know that I am thinking and feeling this way again. I have no motivation or energy to do things. I am not eating much these days and my sleep is erratic. I am sad and lonely and isolate myself, which makes it worse. I feel overwhelmed by everything I need to get done and by the increasingly negative thoughts and the struggles that lie ahead as I try to dig myself out of this hole once again. I wish I could say I have some hope to change and get better, but I don't see this turning out well, short term or long term. The stress and worry from the depression and anxiety is wearing on me greatly, mentally, emotionally and physically too I am sure.
I would really appreciate any feedback/comments and any support/guidance you can offer. Thank you.
Re: How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up your Lif
Hey Mark!
I am glad that we have gotten back in touch. I was looking back over this original post and thought that I had replied then, but I guess not. I think I may have sent you a pm instead.
First, believe in yourself. Look at how far you had come. You can do it again. Life is almost always full of up's and down's and is never simple and easy. Those things that are hard to achieve are almost always worth fighting for and when they are won through a hard fought battle, they are even more precious.
Even though your sessions with your psychologist have ended, you need to remember that you were the one that did the work. He/she may have been there as a sounding board or guide, but it was you who had to lay your fears and problems out on the table, acknowledge them and work through them. They did not do the work for you. YOU did the work for yourself. Look back over the program and work the area that seems to need attention. Also, do they have public group type meetings (like AA, OA, etc.) that you could attend? There used to be an emotions anonymous group, but I haven't seen or heard of it in a long time. Medication may be something that you need. I know some companies offer assistance for those who can't afford their medications. Maybe you could do some research on the internet to find out if the company that makes your medicine also does this. If not, maybe you could switch to a different kind that does offer assistance. I am not sure about Canada, but here doctor's offices will often give out samples of medication. Maybe you could talk to your doctor about this.
I also feel overwhelmed by everything I need to get done. Even with my kids back at school, it doesn't seem to get any easier. In some ways it is harder. Even though I don't do it everyday. I find that it does seem to help if I make a list of things to do. It can be small stuff, like clean the bathroom, do laundry or bigger stuff, like call and talk the kids teachers, contact a doctors office, balance the checkbook, etc. Just whatever needs to get done. Every time I do something on that list, I cross it off and it helps me feel like I've accomplished a few things. And, even though it's hard to do, the more we cross off on that list, the better we feel and the less overwhelmed we feel. It's just making yourself get started. Start off small and work your way up, mixing in small things with the big so you don't get overwhelmed.
Also, don't let regret pull you down. You can't change the past. You may not have tomorrow. But, you do have now. You may not have done everything with your girls that you wanted to. But, think of the things you did get to do. Then, think of something that doesn't seem overwhelming to you (keep it simple) that your girls would enjoy doing. Maybe it's as simple as going out for some ice cream or playing a card / board game at home with you. Then do it. Don't try to over think it. Just do it. If it's anything like it is at my house, you may not get a chance to finish, but they will remember that you tried to do something with them.
I will e-mail you later,
Cindy
I am glad that we have gotten back in touch. I was looking back over this original post and thought that I had replied then, but I guess not. I think I may have sent you a pm instead.
First, believe in yourself. Look at how far you had come. You can do it again. Life is almost always full of up's and down's and is never simple and easy. Those things that are hard to achieve are almost always worth fighting for and when they are won through a hard fought battle, they are even more precious.
Even though your sessions with your psychologist have ended, you need to remember that you were the one that did the work. He/she may have been there as a sounding board or guide, but it was you who had to lay your fears and problems out on the table, acknowledge them and work through them. They did not do the work for you. YOU did the work for yourself. Look back over the program and work the area that seems to need attention. Also, do they have public group type meetings (like AA, OA, etc.) that you could attend? There used to be an emotions anonymous group, but I haven't seen or heard of it in a long time. Medication may be something that you need. I know some companies offer assistance for those who can't afford their medications. Maybe you could do some research on the internet to find out if the company that makes your medicine also does this. If not, maybe you could switch to a different kind that does offer assistance. I am not sure about Canada, but here doctor's offices will often give out samples of medication. Maybe you could talk to your doctor about this.
I also feel overwhelmed by everything I need to get done. Even with my kids back at school, it doesn't seem to get any easier. In some ways it is harder. Even though I don't do it everyday. I find that it does seem to help if I make a list of things to do. It can be small stuff, like clean the bathroom, do laundry or bigger stuff, like call and talk the kids teachers, contact a doctors office, balance the checkbook, etc. Just whatever needs to get done. Every time I do something on that list, I cross it off and it helps me feel like I've accomplished a few things. And, even though it's hard to do, the more we cross off on that list, the better we feel and the less overwhelmed we feel. It's just making yourself get started. Start off small and work your way up, mixing in small things with the big so you don't get overwhelmed.
Also, don't let regret pull you down. You can't change the past. You may not have tomorrow. But, you do have now. You may not have done everything with your girls that you wanted to. But, think of the things you did get to do. Then, think of something that doesn't seem overwhelming to you (keep it simple) that your girls would enjoy doing. Maybe it's as simple as going out for some ice cream or playing a card / board game at home with you. Then do it. Don't try to over think it. Just do it. If it's anything like it is at my house, you may not get a chance to finish, but they will remember that you tried to do something with them.
I will e-mail you later,
Cindy
Re: How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up your Lif
Hi Cindy, Thank you for your reply and your support and encouragement. Its nice and means a lot to me. It's true I do have to believe in myself first as if I don't have that, its hard to move forward and get anything done. I've never had much self belief and in this negative state, I have none. My life is full of downs and there are so few ups that it is hard to look at life in anything other than in a negative light. It is very discouraging to find myself in this deep dark hole again and to have to do a lot of hard work again to get any better. I should go over my program again but its a struggle to get anything started these days. There is a depression support group here that I go to once in a while, but I skipped the last meeting because of the way I was feeling. We don't have any DA chapter here. I realize I need to continue with my meds, as when I am off them I always feel worse (even tho I felt ok for a while after stopping them), so I called my psychiatrist's office to make an appt. I'm not sure I can get any free meds but I will try to do what I can to pay for what I need.
I do feel really overwhelmed by everything and getting nothing done. When I have my kids, I just do the necessities like getting them fed, to bed, and off to school, but little else. I have little energy or motivation to do anything else, especially for myself. I am eating little these days and I feel I am losing weight fast again. My sleep is erratic at best as I often wake up in the middle of the night or too early in the morning, and once I am awake my mind starts going, either with a lot of negative or pessimistic thoughts or thinking about all the things I need to do. So the poor eating and sleep make it hard to do things and take any action to change and get better. I really don't feel well overall and I feel myself continuing to slide down. I don't want to get any worse but I don't see myself getting any better any time soon. I am very worried about my present and esp my future if this continues. I am tired of thinking and feeling like this again. Sorry for being so negative.
I do feel really overwhelmed by everything and getting nothing done. When I have my kids, I just do the necessities like getting them fed, to bed, and off to school, but little else. I have little energy or motivation to do anything else, especially for myself. I am eating little these days and I feel I am losing weight fast again. My sleep is erratic at best as I often wake up in the middle of the night or too early in the morning, and once I am awake my mind starts going, either with a lot of negative or pessimistic thoughts or thinking about all the things I need to do. So the poor eating and sleep make it hard to do things and take any action to change and get better. I really don't feel well overall and I feel myself continuing to slide down. I don't want to get any worse but I don't see myself getting any better any time soon. I am very worried about my present and esp my future if this continues. I am tired of thinking and feeling like this again. Sorry for being so negative.
Re: How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up your Lif
Even tho I managed to get a couple things (just basic necessities) done the other day, I really feel stuck and unable to do more. I feel like crap and wish I could just sleep away my day but my thoughts usually keep me from sleeping. I have no energy or motivation and feel hopeless and helpless. I try to turn off the negative thoughts by watching tv or going on the computer, but it doesn't help much. I read on a website that if positive thinking is hard to do (which it is for me), then to replace negative thinking with realistic thinking, as the negative thoughts are usually unrealistic or exaggerated and clouded by the depression. Unfortunately, the reality of my situation is that I have created a really crappy life for myself and I don't see it getting better the way I am and the way I do things. I have dealt with recurring bouts of severe-extreme depression over the past 5 years and I cant seem to break the cycle.
I am really tired of feeling, thinking and living like this. I am just wasting away my life day by day, and the days soon turn into weeks, then months and years. I don't want to live out the rest of my life like this. I want to change but cant seem to. I sometimes wonder if my brain has been damaged beyond repair and I am bound to live out my life like this. This is no way to live. It is one thing to ruin my own life, but I dont want this to ruin my kids lives also. The only thing I can do now is be willing to try to change, to find that courage and to have some hope and belief in myself that I can do it. I wrote out a list of things to do this week, trying not to be too overwhelmed, and will try to take things one step and one day at a time. As always, your feedback and support are appreciated.
I am really tired of feeling, thinking and living like this. I am just wasting away my life day by day, and the days soon turn into weeks, then months and years. I don't want to live out the rest of my life like this. I want to change but cant seem to. I sometimes wonder if my brain has been damaged beyond repair and I am bound to live out my life like this. This is no way to live. It is one thing to ruin my own life, but I dont want this to ruin my kids lives also. The only thing I can do now is be willing to try to change, to find that courage and to have some hope and belief in myself that I can do it. I wrote out a list of things to do this week, trying not to be too overwhelmed, and will try to take things one step and one day at a time. As always, your feedback and support are appreciated.
Re: How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up your Lif
Hey Mark,
I am sending you a BIG smile
- hope this helps brighten your day a little.
Maybe we could set up a time to try to be online at the same time at least twice a week? Just a thought.
You know, you had mentioned that you had head trauma at one time in your life. I'm not sure if the depression came before that or not. If it did, did it get worse after? Is it possible that the trauma has effected (or is that affected? Never quite sure!) you? Certain areas of the brain control certain things, so I would think it is possible. Maybe you could check with a different type of doctor and look into that being a possibility.
Sometimes when I have trouble sleeping, I take melatonin. It's just an over the counter sleep aid found in the vitamin aisle. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. None of the other sleep aid products help, they just make me nervous.
Gotta run. Got to make myself do one of those things on my to do list that I really don't want to do!
I am sending you a BIG smile
- hope this helps brighten your day a little. Maybe we could set up a time to try to be online at the same time at least twice a week? Just a thought.
You know, you had mentioned that you had head trauma at one time in your life. I'm not sure if the depression came before that or not. If it did, did it get worse after? Is it possible that the trauma has effected (or is that affected? Never quite sure!) you? Certain areas of the brain control certain things, so I would think it is possible. Maybe you could check with a different type of doctor and look into that being a possibility.
Sometimes when I have trouble sleeping, I take melatonin. It's just an over the counter sleep aid found in the vitamin aisle. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. None of the other sleep aid products help, they just make me nervous.
Gotta run. Got to make myself do one of those things on my to do list that I really don't want to do!