How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up your Life?

Anyone suffering from depression may post their history, experience, comments and/or suggestions. Please refrain from indepth discussions about medicines or other therapies.
LyndaLu
Posts: 794
Joined: Sun Oct 03, 2010 4:43 pm

Re: How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up your Lif

Post by LyndaLu » Thu Feb 06, 2014 9:58 pm

Mark:

Thanks for sharing !
As most of us depressed folks know, we ALL live in the past.
I do this all of the time...I live in the past. I am always looking
back on what WAS. Instead I should be looking at what IS.
Living in the moment is SO crucial to us.

I used to celebrate
bad "anniversaries" for the longest time.... the day I lost
my job, the day I had my major breakdown, the day my
beloved cat died, the day my dad died, the day that I really
almost could have taken my own life ( and many more ).
I no longer celebrate bad "anniversaries".

I also have the habit of looking back at things I once had but no longer do.
Like: my health, the ability to travel, having a real job,
having friends at work, having independence and
confidence, being able to read a lot
of books, enjoying movies at the movie theatres,
being able to experience joy, and having purpose and
dignity. Yes, I was one of those people that put all
of their eggs in one basket. I put all of my eggs into my job.
My job was the source of all of my purpose and dignity.
I was very productive and very reliable and responsible.
Unfortunately when I put all of my eggs in one basket I set myself up for disaster.
When I lost that job, I no longer had purpose and dignity.
My world was upside down.

A person should never rely on external things to shape who they are,
this should come from within ourselves. This is all new to me.
I have never done it before. I am 53 years old and sometimes I feel
that I am too old to learn new things. :lol:
I have a lot less brain cells than I did 30 years ago. :lol:

LyndaLu :D

mark167
Posts: 74
Joined: Thu Oct 15, 2009 12:31 pm

Re: How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up your Lif

Post by mark167 » Sun Feb 09, 2014 11:34 am

I have done quite a bit of living in the past, with regrets of all the lost time and all the things I could or should have done. But I am getting better at leaving it in the past and letting it go. I try to live in the present and take things one day at a time but it has been tough. Because I have created such a crappy life for myself, and am doing little or nothing to change it, I now worry a lot about my future and I fear what will happen if I do not change and get better.
I try not to look back at the things I once had but no longer do, as that depresses me even more. Knowing my brain doesn't work as well as it used to and likely never will, worries me too, but there is little I can do about it and I have to accept the new reality. I also used to define myself by my job and the sense of purpose I got from it. Not having worked for a long time has done a real number of my self esteem and even self respect. Another external factor I have relied upon in the past to feel better about myself was having a relationship with someone special, so not having that now makes me rather unhappy. I realize I should find happiness from within, but that has always been very difficult for me, and made even more difficult by my current situation.
I don't think I am too old at 51 to learn new things. I certainly hope I can learn to be kinder to myself and to be grateful that I am alive and able to hopefully change things for the better. I just have to take it slowly and one day at a time.

LyndaLu
Posts: 794
Joined: Sun Oct 03, 2010 4:43 pm

Re: How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up your Lif

Post by LyndaLu » Tue Feb 11, 2014 12:09 am

Hi mark:
What has really helped me in my recovery this time around has been the opportunity to be around
people who are like me...my peers. And also to have access to programs and services in my city
that allow me to learn the many coping skills that I need to keep myself healthy. My peers keep
me grounded. I have realized that I can learn so much just by listening to them. I have had some
excellent support recently from many great facilitators, therapists, clinical social workers,
and hospital staff. They have all helped me to get the jump started I needed. But it is
essentially up to me to continue to motivate myself, and that IS very difficult. It takes so
much practice and so much effort. I am learning more and more each day
about how strong I really am.

Last week I had my first setback since being discharged from the hospital in October.
I have just spent the past ten days at home. I was just so lethargic and lazy. I wasn't terribly depressed and I wasn't having crying spells during this time.
I was just so tired and lethargic. I bailed on all of the
activities I had had planned for that entire week. I missed out on opportunities during the
week that I stayed home. I don't want to blow any chances I have now to experience, learn,
participate, listen, and grow as far as my emotional health. Today I seemed to break out of
my lethargic spell and I went to two support groups. I also ran a couple of errands. I MUST be
around people. I CANNOT sit in my apartment all day long by myself. Being around people has
been a very, very important part of my recovery. I lost my job 5 years ago, so I have not really
been around people on a regular basis since then. This is the key for me, being around people
and getting outside of my apartment. Don't stay isolated, this is the worst thing we can do
to ourselves. It takes some time to get over the hump and to leave your safe place, but in
the end the rewards are amazing. People need other people. We cannot live alone in
isolation.

LyndaLu

mark167
Posts: 74
Joined: Thu Oct 15, 2009 12:31 pm

Re: How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up your Lif

Post by mark167 » Mon Feb 24, 2014 10:23 am

Hi LyndaLu, I am glad to hear you have the opportunity to be around like minded people, and to have the support and services available. There is a lot that can be learned and gained from those tools and resources that will always help in your ongoing recovery. I hope you continue to avail yourself of those services and people on a regular basis, even when you are feeling down or depressed, and to not isolate yourself, as that is very important also. It takes a lot of effort and practice to motivate yourself, especially when you are not feeling well, but it is essential that you continue to try. Don't ever expect perfection, just progress, as any movement, no matter how small or slow, in the right direction is a good thing!
I hope that since you wrote your reply that you have not allowed your setback or growth spurt to allow you to get off track from the great progress you have been making. It is hard to stay or think positive during a setback. Even if you are feeling tired, lazy and lethargic, you should push yourself to continue with whatever activities you plan. It is important that you honour the opportunities and commitments you make to yourself. Keep getting out there and being around people. Like you said, it is very, very important for your recovery. Do not isolate yourself and stay home alone when you have those chances to be with other people.
It is extremely difficult and hard on us when we live alone in isolation. That is what I have I dealt with a great deal since I stopped working almost 14 years ago, and especially in the last 5 years since my separation. I have little or no adult interaction on the weeks I have my kids, and the other weeks when I am alone, I have few opportunities to be with other people. I have very few friends who are usually too busy living their lives to the fullest to take time with me. I have a few support groups that I try to make sure I attend when I am able to, as it is good to talk about my thoughts and feelings with others who understand or can empathize with what I am dealing with. When I am really feeling at my worst tho, I really isolate myself and it just makes things worse. I need to take advantage of those, and try to create new, opportunities to be around other people. Like you said, people need other people, and I do much better when I am able to be around people on a regular basis. Thank you for reminding me of that, and thank you for being here, as always! :)

mark167
Posts: 74
Joined: Thu Oct 15, 2009 12:31 pm

Re: How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up your Lif

Post by mark167 » Fri May 30, 2014 10:58 am

I thought I would post an update on how I have been doing the past few months. I wish I could say I was doing better, but unfortunately things have gotten worse. I am now firmly back in an extreme depression, feeling very apathetic, completely unmotivated to do things, very overwhelmed by everything I still have to do and haven't been getting to, and feeling totally hopeless and virtually helpless. I saw my worker yesterday and she asked how she could help me, and I said I didn't know how. I am tired from having very erratic sleeping lately and very frequent, negative thoughts and feelings. There is almost nothing lately that brings me any kind of joy or happiness, including my kids. I still tend to isolate myself as I have limited opportunities to interact with others. I hate being alone and feeling so lonely. I want to change, as I am tired of living and thinking like this, but I cant seem to. If I don't change, and soon, I am doomed to a very negative and limited future. I hope that those of you who have experienced this or are going through it now, can share some of your wisdom from your experiences that helped you get through the really tough times.

LyndaLu
Posts: 794
Joined: Sun Oct 03, 2010 4:43 pm

Re: How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up your Lif

Post by LyndaLu » Sun Jul 20, 2014 10:25 pm

Mark: I know that your post was in May and it is July now, but I thought I would write anyhow.

I was just thinking about this. Do you have physical disabilities that could add to your depression ?
Sometimes physical health issues go hand-in-hand with mental health issues. One seems to lead to another. Have you have a good physical examination with your Primary Care Physician or any Specialist Doctors ? Every single person ( my peers and clients ) that I met in my Partial Hospitalization Program last year ALSO had physical disabilities in addition to mental health issues. I have many, many things wrong with my physical health and many of these things can lead to mood changes. You can have a vitamin deficiency. You could have thyroid problems. You can have chronic pain. All these things can alter our mood and make us depressed. I have been having many problems with my physical health the past three months and it has been very overwhelming ! I am now seeing six Specialist Doctors ! Podiatrist, Gastroenterologist, Orthopedic, Rheumatologist, Urologist and Endocrinologist. In addition to those doctors I have seen my Optometrist, Dentist and Primary Care Physician. Oh, and it does not stop there ! I have had two x-rays, two ultra-sounds, one CT scan, and a needle biopsy. Well, I am getting too chatty. I should go now ! :)

mark167
Posts: 74
Joined: Thu Oct 15, 2009 12:31 pm

Re: How Badly has Depression affected or screwed up your Lif

Post by mark167 » Wed Jul 23, 2014 3:26 pm

Hi LyndaLu, Thank you for your post. It is nice to hear from you. I'm sorry to hear you are being overwhelmed by many physical health problems the past few months. It is good that you are being proactive and seeking the medical care you need. I hope seeing the doctors and specialists helps return your health to a normal or acceptable level. I saw my doctor and had a good exam and had blood tests done last fall and everything seemed to be normal or close to it. I had wondered about having a thyroid problem or especially a vitamin deficiency considering I do not eat well. I don't have chronic pain but I feel I do have chronic fatigue as I am tired regularly and have no energy to do things. Having had an accident with serious head trauma when I was 19, I do wonder if there is something physically wrong with my brain, like an acquired brain injury or chronic traumatic encephalopathy. These conditions are characterized by degeneration of the brain over a long period after the head trauma and can only be officially diagnosed post-mortem. If I do have ABI or CTE, it seems there is little that can be done. I wish there was as I am tired of feeling and thinking so negatively and pessimistically all the time. If I don't do something to change and get better, I'm sure my physical and mental health will continue to deteriorate.

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