weepy all day
Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2011 8:16 pm
Back in May my husband passed away, I was sleeping and went to hug up on him and well it was terrible, I have been diagnosed with post tramic stress and sever depression. The way I found him and everything was bad. I had to go though the funeral and the day I buryed him I had to leave, see we were staying with his mom and well she blames me, I guess. She has not contacted me at all and when I called her I was told not to come around. I was suposed to go get some more of our things but I found out she had a yard sale a week after the funeral and sold everything..even his shoes.. I was staying at my daughters house but there moving to florida and have to stay with family to start out with , so Im staying with a friend .All this crazyness.. I wish at times I would have not woke up too. See Johnny and I had just got back from one of the best road trips, He said it was our well deserved honey moon. we were back just one nite and the next day it was over. He was gone. I love him so much. I miss him so bad. I want him back. Its like I'm in a nitemare. I have had nitemares about turning on the lights to find out what was going on and well..seeing him like that.. it was bad. My daughter said when they get settled florida would be nice to move to and all the sunshine will take my blues away, but its going to be a while for me to get there I lost my car and I,m on unemployment and its hard to go out looking for a job I need trasnportation I live in a small town.. its peaceful but its a small town and ya need a car to get around. I miss my Johnny so bad, I didnt realize how much anxiety this was going to cause me but this program is all I have now..besides the friend I have who is helping me out too. He helped me get this program he's been alright. Everyone needs a good friend like him. I guess Im blessed in a way to have the people I do have now in my life. I am just grieving and sometimes find it so hard to have anything to look forward to with out him(Johnny). I wonder why I didnt here anything that night, I,m feeling like if I just could of hear something..