Sudden crash into serious depression -- help?!!

[zmonster]

Hello Everyone,

I've had panic attacks since I've been a child, but the anxiety was never accompanied by depression. However, at age 40, about 4 months ago, I started having alarming thoughts about my future (financial, love life, etc), and I basically sent myself into a very major depression (or so it seems). I have been having feelings of extreme hopelessness like I had never felt before, or even believed were possible. I have lost all confidence in myself (job-wise, relationship-wise). Everything I do or think now is clouded by depression and I've lost all ability to experience any joy.

I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced a sudden 'crash' into depression like this? This is far worse than the anxiety. I am under the care of a doctor and taking Lexapro, but the feelings aren't going away. I have only mild relief so far (after 4 weeks on medication). I am going to start StressCenter program next week. Can anyone give me some hope that I will be able to recover? I am very, very scared. I have thoughts about dying, not because I want to, but because I can't bear this depression much longer. This is the hardest thing I've ever gone through. I didn't realize deep depression could be this bad.

I have a lot going for me, fairly successful, not bad looking, but still single. I have every reason to be happy, but my brain seems like it is 'stuck' or 'blocked' in depression. Things I used to enjoy are no longer enjoyable. I am a deep fear of everything now, including coping with life. It's as if the anxiety and panic attacks, which used to be situational, are now controlling my entire life.

It would be great to hear that others have gone through the same type of thing, and that there's much hope for a great recovery.

[KAMO]

Zmonster, I can assure you that you are not alone. It can take a few more weeks for your medication to start working, or you may have to try something else. It took 3 different tries before my doctor found something that worked for me and one of them even made my anxiety worse. We are all allowing our anxiety and depression to control our lives and Lucinda's CD's can really help with you realizing that the source of the anxiety and depression is yourself. It's not easy to get rid of and I'm still trying to after 3 years, but since I got the CD's and changed my meds, it is much better. Please don't even think about dying because that would only hurt those that love you. I hope things get better for you soon and we're all here for you.

[Paisleegreen]

Well, it is good that you have this place to come to. When I was in my deepest depression in my 40's, it would have been so nice to have the Internet available like it is today.

When I went in for my depression, I was put on Zoloft. It was quite helpful and I became very mellow on it that I asked for a different med as I could care less what my kids were doing in the other bedroom. So I was then put on something else, but not sure what it was! That is what is happening with me right now with Menopause... I don't think I was put on Wellbutrin at the time, but I have been on Prozac for a year, Serzone, Effexor, and Cymbalta. And last one for a short time and would never go on it again or recommend it to anyone was Remeron (Mirtazpine).

So call your DR and let him know what is going on. Paislee

[mphd97]

Wow, zmonster! Your post sounds EXACTLY like what I'm going through right now. I've always had anxiety, and I suppose mild depression occasionally, but recently the depression has been overwhelming. I've only been back on meds for 2.5 weeks, so am hoping that will make a little difference so I can get my life back! Feel free to message me if you want to talk. Best of luck to you!

[darl125]

You are definitely not alone...I've been going through the same thing..I have been on Lexapro...you have to give it time..I found once I started Lucindas cd's things started to make sense and I was understanding where these feeling were coming from..hopefully once you start you will find it gets easier to cope with..When I went through it a year ago I did the fast track cause I wanted a quick fix but that didnt work very well so I started over again just a few weeks ago this time doing the excersies and taking the time, etc...so take your time and do it at your own pace..I have been on session 4 for 2 weeks now but that's a whole other story in which I posted under that session 4..lol. hope all goes well and just know that you are not alone..let me know how you are doing..

Darlene

[zmonster]

Thanks to everyone for the advice and support. I appreciate it!!

[Drksydeone]

Well I can tell you one thing, you are not alone. I am 41 and have been dealing with anxiety and depression for years. This time around it feels its hit me hardest of all. I have been reading self help books like crazy and doing daily mood logs. This is a debilatating disease that robs you of all your enjoyment. My family is very supportive and I certainly dont hide any of my feelings. I really just want to lift out of this downward spiral. I have good and bad days. Yesterday was a very low day. I know Im taking steps in the right direction to get better, but sometimes feel that it will never help me. I have panic attacks that eventually turns into depression, I also experience episodes of what I like to call "the flats" where it seems that I am just empty. I almost wish for an anxiety attack in order to know I can feel. Any advice would be appreciated. I am currently on 50mg of zoloft, it has worked in the past but seems to be not that affective, but like I said I do have ok days where everything doesnt seem so overwhelming nor flat. Love this website. And all the people searching for a better self..

[erasmus]

zmonster,

Glad to reached out to all of us and posted. I went off a very high dose of the antidepressant Paxil (50 milligrams) back in March. I was doing great until June when I suddenly, and with very little warning, dropped into an incredibly deep depression.

It was so bad I attempted to kill myself not once, not twice, but three times. I am fortunate that none of my attempts led to lasting injury or permanent disability, but it was the worst point of my entire life and I needed an escape route. I tried to hang myself twice to no avail, and I attempted an overdose that led to a quick trip to the emergency room.

Here is what I learned through all of this: it does, and it will pass. It is not a permanent state of mind, no matter how much it feels that way. Please take it from me, because I've been there, do not go off and do something foolish with your life. Reach out if you are truly feeling despondent and wanting to die. There are plenty of hotlines, and you've always got my email: erasmus@suicidy.com. If you want some more insight into just how rough suicide can be, feel free to visit my recovery blog at www.suicidy.com.

Drkysdeone,

I can relate to your feeling of "the flats." I refer to it as feeling like a shell, where there is a definite outside to me, but on the inside I am completely empty and devoid of emotion. I have always found that going for a walk, as simple as it sounds, makes me fill the shell, so to speak. I must admit those days are the worst, especially if I have been having a good couple of days with low depression and anxiety. The shell feeling hits and I am suddenly wondering if I am every doing to feel good about anything or anyone again. I have to keep reminding myself that I am worlds away from how I was a few months ago, and that I am getting better every day. Even if one day feels like I'm slogging through quicksand.

Hope everyone is doing well.

This Too Shall Pass,
E

[zmonster]

What is discouraging for me is that I will feel well for a few days, and then crash back down to levels almost as low as the initial crash. It's frustrating. I've been dealing with this for over 4 months now. However, I DO think I'm finally turning the corner.

I have found that writing down my negative thoughts, and then writing down counter-thoughts which are positive, tends to reduce the 'power' of the negative thoughts that are causing my depression. You have to write them down, though, not just say them out loud. The act of writing forces the thoughts to leave the brain. I also find that visualizing myself as the happy-optimistic-self I was before the crash gives me hope. Positive visualization is very helpful. Trying to get yourself excited about living again. Knowing that anxiety can also be considered positive excitement.

[mphd97]

zmonster and everyone else, thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I am having a terrible time right now. I will feel okay for a couple hours, but haven't had a good day in longer than I can remember. I have just started imipramine, after having very bad reactions to several other ADs. I am so anxious about the side effects I literally had a panic attack within 10 minutes of taking my first dose and then proceded to have nightmares about the side effects I might have. I am trying really hard to be positive that this might be the drug to help and have gone back to the very beginning of Lucinda's program and am starting over. Being a full-time student, I have already had to drop one class this semester and am REALLY hoping I can get myself under control soon enough that I don't have to drop more. Thanks again for sharing, it helps to know I'm not alone despite feeling that way most of the time.