I want to make my story short while touching basics to explain my symptoms and see if you can help give me any advice or information. I have been through a lot in my life but especially since I've become a young adult. I've had 3 children, been married & divorced, been in an abusive relationship and so much more. I am now 24 years old and remarried with a full time job. I have anxiety and have known I had it for some time. It progressed to an entirely different level since I was in an abusive relationship but it isn't getting any better. It's been 2 years and I've remarried since.
During the week I have a hard time getting going in the mornings and I have mood swings through the day. When I get home I usually have a spurt of energy but it doesn't last long being that I have to go to bed within reasonable time for work the next day. Some days during the week I wake up with tons of energy and have a decent day. So all in all, there are good days.
During the weekends I tend to sleep in more and I drag all weekend. It takes A LOT to get me going and I'm very moody. I have no motivation to do anything. Some weekends are better than others but for the most part I'm not any fun. There have been days when all I want to do is sleep and cry.
I have started experiencing body symptoms that scare me. I will have chest discomfort, numbness in the arms, a shaky feeling throughout my body, I have headaches often and other symptoms as well. I have been to the doctor and they all say the same, anxiety. Does anxiety really feel this way? I think I'm going to have a heart attack when I have these episodes.
My husband watched the program advertisment and ordered the program to help me overcome the obstacles I'm going through. It has affected my marriage to some degree as well as my job and other aspects of my life. I want help and I want to be normal like other people I see. I want to laugh, have ENERGY, desire for life and LOVE life. Do I have depression in addition to anxiety? I need some direction and help. I have listened to 2 of the sessions but motivation to continue is my hardest obstacle. I want to have the life back I had before I was entitled and able to make my own decisions (before becoming an adult). Is this possible? Please any insight would be greatly appreciated and helpful!! Thank you.
Is this depression?
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Paisleegreen
- Posts: 1778
- Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm
Re: Is this depression?
Hi Amberhopes-Well, from what you have said about your life experiences and your age, it is very understandable that you would have anxiety and depression. This program will help you, but I'm concerned about you having so much to do. Does your husband help out with the kids and housework?
It is hard enough to live life after an abusive relationship, but to add children a full time job and a new husband on top of it, is going to be stressful. Depression and being overworked would cause you to not be able to get up. Keep listening to the CDs and take time to do the workbook. Are you able to see a Counselor? Paislee
It is hard enough to live life after an abusive relationship, but to add children a full time job and a new husband on top of it, is going to be stressful. Depression and being overworked would cause you to not be able to get up. Keep listening to the CDs and take time to do the workbook. Are you able to see a Counselor? Paislee
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Amberhopes
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2011 9:15 pm
Re: Is this depression?
I don't have time to see a counselor that my insurance will cover. I work 8-5, normal business hours, with the exception I do drive an hour to and from my work place at this time. I live in an area that doesn't have a lot of economy within at least an hours radius of my home. The closet psyciatrist I can see is an hour and a 1/2 away from my home which is in the opposite direction of my work place. With this said I am limited to handle this mostly on my own. I was very shocked when my husband surprised me with this program. At the same time I didn't know what to think. Was my moods really giving the impression that I'm depressed? Am I really 'out of control'? I had a lot of thoughts aside from the thought that he cared enough to get me help. I listen to the cds on my way to work because I thought it would help me start my day right. I don't really listen to them on my way home because I'm too tired from work and I have phone calls through the evening that disrupt my time.
Yes, my husband is very helpful with the children. He actually does most of the work. I know that sounds horrible. I do love my children and I do care. I see other moms interact with their kids and they have SO much energy and desire. I don't have that. I'm tired and too focused on my worriers. Money, the job, family, how I'm feeling and other stressors. He has been very supportive.
Just so you have an idea of how good he is to me: I had a miscarriage when I was 5 months pregnant last year a little before the summer and that sent me into a phase where it was even hard to get out of bed. It hurt my body literally. I would be sick to even think about going outside the house. I blamed everyone on the inside. I had just SURVIVED the worst time of my life for a little over a year, lost my children to my ex husband for some time and even worst had to choose a better life for my daughter at that time. She is being raised by an adoptive family. I chose to give her life. I was beaten down spiritually and physically. I had no means of transportation,no job, no friends or much family and was really starting over. My husband and I met through my job. He was very good to me but it took a while for me to trust him. He respected me, something I new little about. He always thought of me first. The pregnancy was quite unexpected and I believe now that God had his reasons then. However, it didn't take the pain away. I would lay in the bed when I didn't have to work and cry. Cry all day. He would even cry with me sometimes. So I knew I had to get over it. I buried the pain of losing the baby, regreting the choice I made for my daughter, the hardship of rebuilding a relationship with my sons, the brokeness of my own family, not having my mother to turn to and everything. I didn't want to lose my husband, the only person who stood with me picking up MY pieces of the mess I created. He encourages me all he knows how to. He buys me flowers from time to time, he listens to me, he cries with me, he holds me when I have a bad day, he tells me how much he loves me and how beautiful I am to him, he supports any decision I make regardless.
Now that I have given you a little more insight to my situation, I hope you can help me determine the best thing I can do for myself. I know this program should be beneficial for me regardless but where do I find the motivation? How do I fight this voice telling me I'm too tired or there's something better to do? I have always been a strong person mainly due to the fact that my father raised me, all the time he remarried 2x during my childhood, and my mother wasn't consistent in my life. Being that I have dealt with my issues on my own for so long (growing up and since I was 15) I'm pretty independant and have made it this far. Despite my above mentioned faults I am a good person. I am a strong person. I'm not that negative towards anyone else. Thank you for taking the time to help me!!
Yes, my husband is very helpful with the children. He actually does most of the work. I know that sounds horrible. I do love my children and I do care. I see other moms interact with their kids and they have SO much energy and desire. I don't have that. I'm tired and too focused on my worriers. Money, the job, family, how I'm feeling and other stressors. He has been very supportive.
Just so you have an idea of how good he is to me: I had a miscarriage when I was 5 months pregnant last year a little before the summer and that sent me into a phase where it was even hard to get out of bed. It hurt my body literally. I would be sick to even think about going outside the house. I blamed everyone on the inside. I had just SURVIVED the worst time of my life for a little over a year, lost my children to my ex husband for some time and even worst had to choose a better life for my daughter at that time. She is being raised by an adoptive family. I chose to give her life. I was beaten down spiritually and physically. I had no means of transportation,no job, no friends or much family and was really starting over. My husband and I met through my job. He was very good to me but it took a while for me to trust him. He respected me, something I new little about. He always thought of me first. The pregnancy was quite unexpected and I believe now that God had his reasons then. However, it didn't take the pain away. I would lay in the bed when I didn't have to work and cry. Cry all day. He would even cry with me sometimes. So I knew I had to get over it. I buried the pain of losing the baby, regreting the choice I made for my daughter, the hardship of rebuilding a relationship with my sons, the brokeness of my own family, not having my mother to turn to and everything. I didn't want to lose my husband, the only person who stood with me picking up MY pieces of the mess I created. He encourages me all he knows how to. He buys me flowers from time to time, he listens to me, he cries with me, he holds me when I have a bad day, he tells me how much he loves me and how beautiful I am to him, he supports any decision I make regardless.
Now that I have given you a little more insight to my situation, I hope you can help me determine the best thing I can do for myself. I know this program should be beneficial for me regardless but where do I find the motivation? How do I fight this voice telling me I'm too tired or there's something better to do? I have always been a strong person mainly due to the fact that my father raised me, all the time he remarried 2x during my childhood, and my mother wasn't consistent in my life. Being that I have dealt with my issues on my own for so long (growing up and since I was 15) I'm pretty independant and have made it this far. Despite my above mentioned faults I am a good person. I am a strong person. I'm not that negative towards anyone else. Thank you for taking the time to help me!!
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Paisleegreen
- Posts: 1778
- Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm
Re: Is this depression?
Ah, Amber--You have so much on your plate and heartbreak...you need to continue listening to the CDs as you go to work and maybe a different one on your way home or the same. Because you will hear different things each time.
I strongly encourage you to take time off work to see a Psychiatrist or Psychologist...I've gone through many stressful events in my life as well, and continued forward until one day I couldn't get out of bed and I ran a daycare at my house and was raising 5 children and my husband had started a new business that took him away a lot and/or the work he does was at night and he slept during the day.
On top of that my father, long story, was interfering in our personal and business life. He had helped us when we first got married financially and held it over our heads until he passed and had even written me out of his Will. Anyway, the stress finally beat me down...I did go see a Psychiatrist after a Family Dr found that nothing was wrong with me. I was put on anti-depressants which helped me cope with the rest of our life's struggles.
I want you to know that I lost a child to suicide...a year later my mother died from a debilitating stroke, then my father got cancer and I cared for him and took care of his house after he died when it sold and then found out that he had written me out of his Will which was shocking as we had paid him back years prior to his death. He even told my brothers that he had forgiven the Debt on his death bed, but my brothers didn't follow up on having him talk to me. Of course, this is a very condensed version.
It sounds like you have a very supportive husband and he just wants you to be happy. Please look into seeing a Therapist, you can do this program and I and others will support you, but a therapist can give you more support. I see a Therapist, and right now it is out of pocket, so I would take advantage of this opportunity b/c it will give you back energy and help you to feel better. Paislee
P.S. I'm not on any antidepressants now, partly due to Dr David Burns 10 Steps to Self Esteem Workbook and a different Psychologist then the one I see now. I was able to wean off my antidepressant with him, but I had already weaned off of one of my other antidepressants long before I saw him. A very long story...there are times for an antidepressant and maybe other times you might not need to take one. But from my experience in life...I'm 56 now...an empty nester and a Grandmother of two so far...I can see that you have had a lot of heartbreak and stuffing feelings and it is making you tired.
This website can help by you just being able to post on it your feelings...but a Psychologist can go a long way. You get to talk to them for 55 minutes, where a Psychiatrist gives you 15 minutes or more.
I strongly encourage you to take time off work to see a Psychiatrist or Psychologist...I've gone through many stressful events in my life as well, and continued forward until one day I couldn't get out of bed and I ran a daycare at my house and was raising 5 children and my husband had started a new business that took him away a lot and/or the work he does was at night and he slept during the day.
On top of that my father, long story, was interfering in our personal and business life. He had helped us when we first got married financially and held it over our heads until he passed and had even written me out of his Will. Anyway, the stress finally beat me down...I did go see a Psychiatrist after a Family Dr found that nothing was wrong with me. I was put on anti-depressants which helped me cope with the rest of our life's struggles.
I want you to know that I lost a child to suicide...a year later my mother died from a debilitating stroke, then my father got cancer and I cared for him and took care of his house after he died when it sold and then found out that he had written me out of his Will which was shocking as we had paid him back years prior to his death. He even told my brothers that he had forgiven the Debt on his death bed, but my brothers didn't follow up on having him talk to me. Of course, this is a very condensed version.
It sounds like you have a very supportive husband and he just wants you to be happy. Please look into seeing a Therapist, you can do this program and I and others will support you, but a therapist can give you more support. I see a Therapist, and right now it is out of pocket, so I would take advantage of this opportunity b/c it will give you back energy and help you to feel better. Paislee
P.S. I'm not on any antidepressants now, partly due to Dr David Burns 10 Steps to Self Esteem Workbook and a different Psychologist then the one I see now. I was able to wean off my antidepressant with him, but I had already weaned off of one of my other antidepressants long before I saw him. A very long story...there are times for an antidepressant and maybe other times you might not need to take one. But from my experience in life...I'm 56 now...an empty nester and a Grandmother of two so far...I can see that you have had a lot of heartbreak and stuffing feelings and it is making you tired.
This website can help by you just being able to post on it your feelings...but a Psychologist can go a long way. You get to talk to them for 55 minutes, where a Psychiatrist gives you 15 minutes or more.
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Amberhopes
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2011 9:15 pm
Re: Is this depression?
Thank you for your advice! It really means a lot to me. I will look into seeing a therapist of some sort in the near future hopefully to give me the extra push I'm needing. I am listening to the cds and working out of my guide book right now. It is helping me to observe my moods and understand body symptoms when they occur. That alone is helping some. I'm so sorry to hear about your unfortunate life circumstances. You sound so encouraging and I know that if you were able to get through it then so can I. I really appreciate your help! Thank you.
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Paisleegreen
- Posts: 1778
- Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm
Re: Is this depression?
You're welcome, Amber. Yesterday, I completed a task that was hard to do, and that was clearing off my bed's headboard shelf. It had become very cluttered as I went through my anxiety and panic attacks last year and needed some decluttering before that came about. So I worked on it at 5:00AM yesterday, then went back to sleep and then worked on it part of the day when I woke up. It was too hot to work on anything outside and this really needed some work. I found many things I had been wondering about and it felt great to throw some stuff away and put other things where in a they belong.
It was good to have some control of this space and it made me feel better. I think my family were very surprised. I still have a ways to go, on other areas of my room, but if I can conquer the fear of letting go of some of my things, I'm sure I will be so much happier and have more peace and energy. I feel better when I'm not in my home, b/c there is so much to be done and I just can't do it all anymore. So I have to let go of many hobbies, and it is very difficult for me. So that is my struggle at this time along with some family members. I hope you have a good day and get the rest you need. paislee
It was good to have some control of this space and it made me feel better. I think my family were very surprised. I still have a ways to go, on other areas of my room, but if I can conquer the fear of letting go of some of my things, I'm sure I will be so much happier and have more peace and energy. I feel better when I'm not in my home, b/c there is so much to be done and I just can't do it all anymore. So I have to let go of many hobbies, and it is very difficult for me. So that is my struggle at this time along with some family members. I hope you have a good day and get the rest you need. paislee