hidden enemy, any help appreciated

[okbrickman]

hello, I am gonna keep it short and hope for some helpful advice. Ive lived most if not all of it under some kind of lonliness or disappointment. I was an only child and wasnt really allowed to play with other neighborhood kids cause I was white in an all black neighborhood.I played many days by myself. we moved when I was 14 and I was allowed to leave the yard, unfortunatly I started smoking pot and then I started having terrible acne and I became somewhat withdrawn, except around my closest friends and family. I started working at 18, but continued to smoke pot and drink beer and never had much of a social life and never had a girlfriend,,,, very lonely. In spite of all that i never suffered from severe depression, I was a lonely guy though.
I lived with my mom my whole life, and never felt any lasting sadness until the day she died and that was when I felt a deeper lonliness. still I was able to find happiness and hope in life, but still I was a lonely guy. I had things I enjoyed doing that brought me happiness and I enjoyed my work so I still didnt feel any real depression
well in 2006 I got a real bad case of west nile virus. it almost killed me , but I recovered fine physically, but mentally, I had a hard time controlling my emotions, and I started dwelling on many different things and was really depressed
it seem to ge alot better until early this year, when I met a girl online that I fell in love with, she is from the philippines and because ive felt It maynot workout for us, I have been battling really sad and hopeless feelings, and feeling very lonely.
I am also under alot of stress,
I joined Stress center and am just getting into the program, i am also eating right and taking supplements, such as st johns wort and a supplement I got from Stress center
my condition has improved somewhat, but at times I start dwelling and feeling lonely and sad and thats where Im at now, although at this particular moment I feel pretty decent
Im gonna keep battling this and I start praising and thanking God for my life when I seem to be losing control and I pray for God to bring me peace and contentment, and joy and happiness and also hope.
thats it for now, God Bless to everyone, and thanks for being here when needed