Nerveball, for me it is dissappointments, anger about those things, betrayals of those that I thought were more than they were capable. Being smacked with the reality that for 20+ yrs I was striving for the wrong things. The realization that my learned values and behaviour were shall I say disfunctional for good mental health. Tangable things are not the things that are important, it is Love for ourself and the actions of freely given love without attached strings to others that will clear the fog. The infalable actions of self perseverance and emotional pain. After awile it all seems so useless. For the most part I now see depression and discouragement multiplyers to each other. It is as easy as flipping a switch only the switch seems spring loaded to default to the off posistion. It is our continued work that enables us to keep the switch in the on posistion.
As I listed my angers I was able to defuse and understand with some retrospect that being outside looking in can bring new light to the gloomy box we make for ourselves. It is not easy and at this time I have to be extra vigulant at not looking back or defaulting to the negatives that I thought were positives.
I have learned that we cannot change anything except our self. If we do that then it does cause a effect that others must react differently because the dynamics are not the same. It is true that one can change our surroundings just by changeing our actions and reactions.
Please do not take the world on your shoulders alone, it is easy to do it is not easy to manage. It will take us down.
A good book to read is the 7 wonders that can change your life, by Glen Beck and Dr, Kieth Ablow., Another is the 5 love languages, by Gary Chapman. Some days I wish I had the Vulcan gift of what is logical and what is not. I am glad that I am human and blessed with emotions, something that Spock could not understand nor some days I.
Lets us help you work on the list of angers and dissapointments your killing yourself with. Things can and will change for the better that we seek.
R
Insane???
Re: Insane???
No, I do not believe any of us are insane. I think we DO, at least subconsciously, expect the same results, but hope for different. But we have to BE different. Take chances. Put yourself out there in a different way. Help someone else when they are not expecting it. Here are a couple of quotes from A Course in Miracles that might helP:
"Trials are but lessons that you failed to learn
presented once again,
so where you made a faulty choice before
you now can make a better one,
and thus escape all pain
that what you chose before
has brought to you."
"It is still up to you to choose
to join with truth or with illusion.
But remember that to choose one
is to let the other go."
"Pain is illusion'
joy, reality.
Pain is but sleep;
joy is awakening.
Pain is deception"
joy alone is truth.
And so again we make
the only choice that ever can be made;
we choose between illusions and the truth,
or pain and joy,
or hell and Heaven>
So it all comes down to the courage of making better choices. Remember, Lucinda tells us that if we keep repeating the same bad behaviors, we are getting something out of it, whether we want to admit it or not. Find that CD (Lesson 12--the Courage to Change), and listen to it and read the workbook chapter over and over until you "get" it. You are not alone. We are all working our way out of our misery little by little, and GOD is with you--just let us and Him in.
Kathie
"Trials are but lessons that you failed to learn
presented once again,
so where you made a faulty choice before
you now can make a better one,
and thus escape all pain
that what you chose before
has brought to you."
"It is still up to you to choose
to join with truth or with illusion.
But remember that to choose one
is to let the other go."
"Pain is illusion'
joy, reality.
Pain is but sleep;
joy is awakening.
Pain is deception"
joy alone is truth.
And so again we make
the only choice that ever can be made;
we choose between illusions and the truth,
or pain and joy,
or hell and Heaven>
So it all comes down to the courage of making better choices. Remember, Lucinda tells us that if we keep repeating the same bad behaviors, we are getting something out of it, whether we want to admit it or not. Find that CD (Lesson 12--the Courage to Change), and listen to it and read the workbook chapter over and over until you "get" it. You are not alone. We are all working our way out of our misery little by little, and GOD is with you--just let us and Him in.
Kathie
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Paisleegreen
- Posts: 1778
- Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm
Re: Insane???
Thanks, Whatif, your thoughts are good reminders of my pain. I think what gets me is that some things that need working out, takes some courage that I don't have. Or working on things that would bring comfort and assurance but others are a willing participant. Such as, I would like to see my husband get a physical and take care of things that are bothering him and to be sure he is on target to keep up his health. I don't want to lose him due to neglect of self care. I know that men usually live longer that have a woman by their side to be sure they get taken care of, because most men are not going to subject themselves to physical exams by a Dr.
These are the types of things that I worry about and cause me frustration. Just as I fret about myself because I know I need to get my teeth cleaned and checked out and get the Mammogram done, my Dr reminded me that it has been 8 years since my last one. Paislee
These are the types of things that I worry about and cause me frustration. Just as I fret about myself because I know I need to get my teeth cleaned and checked out and get the Mammogram done, my Dr reminded me that it has been 8 years since my last one. Paislee
Re: Insane???
I'm making headway today. That is an improvement for me. Admitting that things could possibly be looking up is an accomplishment for me after this slump that I've been in. God answers prayers for sure. I have a ways to go but at least I'm looking forward and not backwards.
Re: Insane???
I apparently still don't know how to work this thing right and I didn't see all of the responses until after I just posted. It is good to hear from all of you and it is funny cause I am on session 12 now. I understand the concept of I must be getting something out of being like I am but that doesn't make it just go away. I people please because I want someone to like me I guess because I don't like myself. Then I get hurt because people use me. That's because I let them, I know that now. So nothing is better. It got to the point where I don't get anything out of people pleasing anymore because people hate me for it even though they still let me do what I do. So now I stopped. I changed. I don't people please. And now I'm alone. What do I do now. Lucinda says you get something out of whatever you do or you wouldn't do it. I got something out of it. Not exactly what I wanted but it did in a pinch. But not anymore. It doesn't get it anymore, so now I'm not doing it. Am I supposed to be happy now. People are not using me now cause I'm not letting them. Of course people don't give me the time of day now either. For what, they're not getting anything out of it. Do I sound like I'm angry. I do have some superficial relationships based on my job. I am a bus driver and I make it a point to smile and say good morning to all of my passengers everyday and wish them a great day as they leave the bus. I enjoy it. I would wish the same for me. But when I go home its just me and the walls. Noone to talk to about everyday stuff or anything else. Noone wants to be around me. I turn them off, I guess. I listened to a Pastor's sermon today about changing your attitude. I know mines need changing, its just figuring out how or knowing what to change it to. I can be nice to people, I do that all of the time. Maybe I need to be nice to me. They say God don't make no junk. I believe that for everyone but me I guess. I think God is dousing me with heavy crap now to try to make me change. I did ask Him to help me. I guess you got to be careful what you pray for or you just might get it. I'm changing but I can't see a happy ending and I guess that is driving me nuts. My thoughts and feelings are all jumbled up right now so please forgive me. At least I'm still here though. I guess thats good.
Re: Insane???
Congradulations Nerveball.
God said pray that is correct. God did not say it was fun, easy, or even fair. As a example I am going to use distance and walking. From reading your truths you decided to get off the bus of being used, being confused, being unhappy, we can put on and fake many faces to the outside. What may not have been realized is the the next town is 10 miles down the road. The electronic gadjets do not work and no lunch was packed. You are on your own! The last stop is thirty miles back and has the same things that caused you to make a decision to take care of you and not worry of pleaseing others.
We then have a couple choices, sit in the middle of nowhere and thrive or be destitute and isolateted and deteriorate.
I am of the nature to check my surroundings and gather a plan, not alot of details just a goal like getting to the next rest area. Then it moves into taking the steps toward and forward our goal one step at a time. There are alot of steps involved in covering the distance. Have you ever walked 10 miles? Not mentioning being alone, a steady pace is mandatory. There are many distractions like maybe a snake crossing the road, high water or whatever and a detour will be needed allthough it seems everending disappointments they are not the goal or a dead end. Just a distraction and inconsiderate inconveiniance and the further you go the more confidence you will gain and the insight of the difference.
Each step offers something new. It will not be far down the road that a new feeling of You will evolve. A love for yourself and a knowing of yourself will occur, embrace it and grow.
If you truly know your higher power you are never really alone.
Yes it is along ways but as we grow, mature, learn, adapt, and rebuild with our walk you may find taking another road and finding your happyness. Without getting off the Bus so to speak you would never have realized the real world that is all around and how often we just pass on by.
I will be around to give compnay for the walk. Be Safe and as Spock would say, prosper.
God said pray that is correct. God did not say it was fun, easy, or even fair. As a example I am going to use distance and walking. From reading your truths you decided to get off the bus of being used, being confused, being unhappy, we can put on and fake many faces to the outside. What may not have been realized is the the next town is 10 miles down the road. The electronic gadjets do not work and no lunch was packed. You are on your own! The last stop is thirty miles back and has the same things that caused you to make a decision to take care of you and not worry of pleaseing others.
We then have a couple choices, sit in the middle of nowhere and thrive or be destitute and isolateted and deteriorate.
I am of the nature to check my surroundings and gather a plan, not alot of details just a goal like getting to the next rest area. Then it moves into taking the steps toward and forward our goal one step at a time. There are alot of steps involved in covering the distance. Have you ever walked 10 miles? Not mentioning being alone, a steady pace is mandatory. There are many distractions like maybe a snake crossing the road, high water or whatever and a detour will be needed allthough it seems everending disappointments they are not the goal or a dead end. Just a distraction and inconsiderate inconveiniance and the further you go the more confidence you will gain and the insight of the difference.
Each step offers something new. It will not be far down the road that a new feeling of You will evolve. A love for yourself and a knowing of yourself will occur, embrace it and grow.
If you truly know your higher power you are never really alone.
Yes it is along ways but as we grow, mature, learn, adapt, and rebuild with our walk you may find taking another road and finding your happyness. Without getting off the Bus so to speak you would never have realized the real world that is all around and how often we just pass on by.
I will be around to give compnay for the walk. Be Safe and as Spock would say, prosper.
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Paisleegreen
- Posts: 1778
- Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm
Re: Insane???
I think I was posting to you and something happened to my post. I'll check back later after I've had some sleep. I just want to let you know that I'm thinking about you. Paislee
Re: Insane???
I did not people please today. I just did what I was supposed to do and stayed away from people and then went home. I almost forgot I had a home its been so long since I've been here during the day. It feels good and bad. It feels good that there is actually time in my day for me but bad because I don't have anything to do with the time that actually is for me. You'll probably say go out and do something for others but then I'll be right back in the same boat again. That is what I call myself doing when I wind up people pleasing again. My church really got to me big time. That's how I came to this about face. They are having they're 175th anniversary celebration and they had commitees doing this and that and of course I wasn't good enough for that. I still wanted to contribute though so I shampooed all of the carpets and cleaned floors and dusted and all kinds of stuff so that God's house would be clean for the big celebration. I asked them to help but they didn't but I did it anyway because it was supposed to be for God. I worked so hard that I was physically and emotionally drained. But then when it came time for the celebration they kept asking me to do all kinds of menial jobs and then they had noone designated to prepare and serve the food after they invited 300 people. I stepped in to do it. No they didn't make me. It needed to be done and I just did. Of course I missed the whole service and I was tired and mad at them and myself as well for being so stupid. Not only did I get the food ready but then they kept asking me to take large trays of food upstairs to the seniors who couldn't make it downstairs and then to the trustees who didn't feel like making it downstairs. I like a dummy did it so I was even more mad at myself. Then when the dinner was over everybody went home and left all of the dishes there. I am also the person who cleans the church part time but none of those things are on my job description. That was enough to sober me up from my pleasing issues but then today they put a big thankyou note in the bulletin and thanked everybody by name that so much as breathed except me. It's like they stepped on me and then grounded me into the floor. Needless to say I was too through with them. When God wants to drive home a point He really goes all out. I see my part in all of this and like I said I'm scared straight. But where do I go from here. God says that He is with me but He is going to need to actually point my feet in the right direction or something cause I am slipping away fast. I need help.
Re: Insane???
Nerveball, what a day you you had.
I am going to ask a couple questions, no need to write a return but they are decisons you must make.
Are you able to self sustain yourself without your parents? When you cut the apron string from them and only then will you get respect. If they are mature enough to understand it, otherwise you wil get spite. Other than that it is causeing them to be dependant and makeing you co-dependant. Neither is healthy for you or them.
Stop being the gopher so to speak, your letting them have their cake and eat it too. Churches will and do use people so do overwhelming parents.
Food for thought is find a church that involvement is benevolence not subserviant.
WWJD is the next question, are your talents being used for others pleasures ? Does sound like it to me. I bet the homeless shelter or abused womens shelter would be much more loving and serving for you and help the indigent instead of dramatics as you exsplained earlier. jmo
Your open mind and awareness of feelings are what will bring you back up to speed.
You will make it work as we see your not a giver upper.
I am going to ask a couple questions, no need to write a return but they are decisons you must make.
Are you able to self sustain yourself without your parents? When you cut the apron string from them and only then will you get respect. If they are mature enough to understand it, otherwise you wil get spite. Other than that it is causeing them to be dependant and makeing you co-dependant. Neither is healthy for you or them.
Stop being the gopher so to speak, your letting them have their cake and eat it too. Churches will and do use people so do overwhelming parents.
Food for thought is find a church that involvement is benevolence not subserviant.
WWJD is the next question, are your talents being used for others pleasures ? Does sound like it to me. I bet the homeless shelter or abused womens shelter would be much more loving and serving for you and help the indigent instead of dramatics as you exsplained earlier. jmo
Your open mind and awareness of feelings are what will bring you back up to speed.
You will make it work as we see your not a giver upper.
Re: Insane???
I think you are confusing me with the other person that posted earlier cause my parents are dead. I need to change me. Thats the answer that I keep getting. I know that I just don't know how or where to start. But I guess I'm on my own with that one. Thanks for listening.