Insane???

[nerveball]

This forum has been out of commision for me for a long time. During that time I've been going thru hell and had noone to talk to. Now I feel like noone would want to talk to me. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I do the same stupid stuff over and over again and know its stupid after I do it but don't see it coming before I do it again. Everybody is sick of me right now, including me. Even the people that I people please with are begging me to stop cause I'm so pathetic to watch. Everytime I say ok its going to be different now and then I try something that I think is ok only to find out after its too late that I'm doing the same old thing only wrapped in different wrapping paper. I hate me. I want to change but every time I think I am changing I find out I'm still the same. I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to pull my hair out. But I'll still be me in the end. I feel like my only recourse is to stay away from people so then I won't have to worry about being stupid around them.

[SoWhatif]

Sounds like things suck. There is hope youngster.

Are you straight when these things go on?

[nerveball]

what do you mean by am i straight

[SoWhatif]

My reference was to being without drugs or drink and including medications that alter our brains.
I am one that believes that in the lifestyles of straight vs waivering, that it is the fuel of our cause and of much distress in the pursuence of self and satisfaction.
Life is a challange, begrudging the acceptance of the challange deprives us the meaning in our personal life.
That comes from me thinking we are here for a reason.

Answer to yourself, how can you derail the circle you contain yourself in? Don't be so hard on yourself, examine how we got there. What steps did we avoid or fail to take that keeps the circle intact.

[SoWhatif]

quoted from Nerveball, Even the people that I people please with are begging me to stop cause I'm so pathetic to watch.

Would you be so kind as to share what your doing and maybe we can help you answer they why.
There is no truth in "people please" where is the integrity? Why do we want to people please?

[Paisleegreen]

Maybe we "please" to avoid conflict.

[SoWhatif]

I would think pleasing to prevent conflict is the wrong reason to attemp to pleaase. The thought sounds as if codependancy is a controller.

[Paisleegreen]

I think so, Whatif!

[nerveball]

Whatif - I am so confused. Your words sound like greek to me. I guess that shows what shape I'm in right now. You kind of remind me of Mr. Spock on Star Trek - it would be totally illogical to be depressed so therefore do not be. I wish it were that simple for me right now. I'm working on it though.

[Paisleegreen]

There are many factors that can cause depression, so I can see why you are confused, Nerveball.