Dealing With Depression

Paridygmn · Post by **Paridygmn** » Wed Dec 01, 2010 4:21 pm

I had a really rough night tonight. At the end of the day I came home and started reading Session I page 1-11 and I learned how I would deal with it all. The top of the page says,
"If the cause of the depression (stress and anxiety) is dealt with and alleviated, the result (depression) should be relieved. If you can recall that anxiety preceded the depression, you have a good idea as to the cause of the depression."

I followed these steps and felt immediately better since I clearly considered what it was that was truly bothering and journalized it. Hopefully this can help someone else.

Paridymgn

Jack Spaleta · Post by **Jack Spaleta** » Thu Dec 02, 2010 6:29 am

I am a Viet Nam Vereran suffering with PTSD. I have survivors guilt which causes depression and anxiety. I attend VA group sessions, but anxiety still continues. I also take medicine for depression. Has anyone out there dealt with survivors guilt and what is the best way to overcome/deal with it?

Paisleegreen · Post by **Paisleegreen** » Thu Dec 02, 2010 7:31 am

That's great, Paridygmn!

My depression came with seasons of short days, great amount of stress that began when I got married and had moved out of state away from my family of origin and into a whole new life. Full blown depresson came later after I was very weary from the fight of many stressors and really couldn't speak up for myself or significant others weren't listening or seeing my side of the story.

Jack--I'm sorry that you have to suffer with PTSD. I'm not sure I understand it completely, except maybe experiencing it w/ different terms and circumstances.

I loss a son to suicide, but I don't feel guilt over it, there may be regrets and grief due to losing a son I loved so much. Someone either mentioned it here or maybe on a different type of website or something. That the word Guilt is used when Regrets are really the appropriate term for the feeling.

This is what may or may not help with your situation. Hopefully, there will be others that can clarify the term Survivor's Guilt in relating it to a War Veteran. Paislee

Jack Spaleta · Post by **Jack Spaleta** » Thu Dec 02, 2010 10:19 am

Paisley,

Thanks for your support. I really appreciate that. My survivor's guilt comes from a fellow soldier saving my life but he later died in the war. I have a hard time overcoming this guilt. I feel like I should have died there with him.
The Va medicates me but this has been going on for a while and is not helping. I also attend counseling both group and one on one. I've reached a point where I would try anything just to get relief. The sessions so far are very good. I just finished session 3. I can see some results already. By the way where are you. I am in Charlotte,NC.

Paridygmn · Post by **Paridygmn** » Thu Dec 02, 2010 2:15 pm

Jack,
I wish I had the answer. I can only tell you that there are many people who appreciate you serving and have a great deal of respect for you, including myself.

Paridygmn

Jack Spaleta · Post by **Jack Spaleta** » Fri Dec 03, 2010 1:08 am

Paridygmn,

Thanks for your support. It really menas a lot to me. I don't know how old you are, so you may or may not know how we Viet Nam veterans were treated when we returned. It's been an uphill batttle. But nonetheless I survived and am doing something to bounce back. All hills can be climed.

Paisleegreen · Post by **Paisleegreen** » Fri Dec 03, 2010 7:06 am

Hi Jack, I also appreciate the service you gave for our country. I was around when the hippies threw tomatoes at Pres. Nixon during a parade. I wasn't a hippie and didn't know we were in a war until I was in Jr High. But a teacher pointed out that that wasn't appropriate for these teenagers/young adults to be throwing things at people in a parade.

It made an impression on me as well as many other things going on in the late 60's and 70's.

I don't know what your counseling has been so far with overcoming this guilt. All I know is that I was the last to see my son before he went to a nearby river and jumped off a cliff.

All the while thinking he was going to his high school. I knew he was distraught over a very embarrassing and humiliating experience to the point he didn't want to live if he had to go back to the school he was going to for a tech class where he had been bullied.

Anyway, I do have a belief in Life after death and know that my son has been saved many times in his life by "beings" not seen, guardian angels that "watched" over this boy so that he could fulfill his purpose here on earth.

He was allowed enough time here on earth to be with our family for his short 15 years. But he lived the best he could for that short amount of time and blessed everyone's life that he was around. He suffered from ADHD and always felt he was a burden to us.

We didn't know at the time that ADHD can cause depression, all we knew is that we loved this boy and he tested our patience and others. He couldn't help it, it was his bio chemistry affecting his brain. so that he did things fast and couldn't concentrate and got into mischief.

Anyway, my point is I could have lost this boy sooner by sheer accident if he hadn't been "watched" over. But when the time came that he was so distraught due to a "bully" and him not taking his medication, he was allowed to take his life. No more "angels" to protect him to stay on this earth any longer.

So this is all that I can say to maybe help you with your Survivor's guilt. You have a mission to fulfill here on earth at this time in your corner of the world. And maybe that mission is to go through this trial of your guilt feelings and overcome them.

The soldier that saved you already went through his trial and he would want you to be happy and free of guilt. I know this seems hard to do, and you also have the PTSD to deal with. Heck, I would! They keep changing the terms from original words were Shell Shocked to now PTSD.

I know a Fireman who's Co-worker had to quit being a Fireman due to the ringing of the fire alarm bell sending a signal to the man's brain releasing "adrenaline" and giving him so much stress to cause a heart attack.

I guess we all have our stressors that trigger an adrenaline rush and then we get the panicky feelings that prolonged can cause depression.

So be good to yourself, you went through a very bad experience and not very kind people when you came home. I'm ashamed at how Americans treated the VietNam Vets. You were just doing your duty in a land that was quite scary to be in. Paislee

FrvrNumb · Post by **FrvrNumb** » Fri Dec 03, 2010 8:37 am

Hi Jack, I too know what it feels like to have survivors guilt. Not from a fellow soldier (I can't thank you enough for fighting for this country...btw), but from siblings. I am the youngest of 4 children and have always been the black sheep in the family. I grew up very poor and always wanted a better life for myself and worked hard to get it, but at the same time was shunned from my family. If I could only count how many times I've been told I think I'm better than the rest of the family (not true!). Anyway, my sister died in a car accident about 6 yrs. ago and my brother died of cancer a few yrs. later. My only sibling left, the one I use to be the closest to has turned to alcohol and hates me! Well, she hates everyone, but it hurts alot. The sister that died was very close to my mother and I often feel like it should have been me. Especially since I don't have the best relationship with my mother anyway and often wonder if she wishes it was me instead. It's a horrible place to be, but it is what it is. The fact that your friend risked his life to save yours says he must have thought your life was just as important as his...maybe you should too! Take care.

Jack Spaleta · Post by **Jack Spaleta** » Mon Dec 06, 2010 5:13 am

Paisleegreen & FrvrNumb,

Thanks very much for your kind words and support. I am beginning to handle my issue as "I regret that my buddy was killed" rather than survivor's guilt. Where are you guys from?

Paisleegreen · Post by **Paisleegreen** » Mon Dec 06, 2010 7:24 am

Wow, Forever Numb--I'm sorry about your siblings and your relationship with your mother.
My husband is one of the older siblings that have done okay for himself besides another one. So he has had his share of "letters" from upset siblings. Most of the problems w/ siblings are misunderstandings. Them really not knowing what went on due to their age and their way of thinking.

Which can be distorted due to lack of education or experience and distance.

The alcoholics I've known have had so many problems growing up due to family dynamics that it would take a lot of work for them to get better, and that is if they wanted to. I don't know if it is all genetic or learned behavior.

So I can sure see your dilemma right now and it is hard when family members aren't there for you.

Jack, I'm glad that you are changing your mindset to "regretting the loss of your friend".
Then you can get on with grieving that loss and celebrate your survival as Veteran of War.
Paislee