My Parents and my Birthday

Paisleegreen · Post by **Paisleegreen** » Thu Nov 25, 2010 9:09 am

Linda, that is a very good answer. I have had to learn things after my parents have passed on. But it is helpful learning these things now that I'm a parent of adult children and a Grandmother as well.

MrCleveland · Post by **MrCleveland** » Thu Nov 25, 2010 7:18 pm

Originally posted by Paisleegreen:
Mr Cleveland--so are you around your late 20's or early 30's?

I know my son has helped me out with the computer because he knows computers very well. So it is easier for us parents in our 50's to have some help in this computer day and age. It is harder to learn new things unless we are working with computers on a regular basis.

Are you the only child?

No.

I have a younger brother and a younger sister, but it hurts me when I had to close a Bank Account this year to save them!

Now my mom is VERY depressed because they're both in debt and may lose their house under foreclosure since they're $8000 behind, and my mom says she can't turn to anyone!

Paisleegreen · Post by **Paisleegreen** » Fri Nov 26, 2010 8:01 am

I'm sorry to hear that Mr Cleveland.

It sounds like you are the grown up around there! I had to rescue my brother and family when he lost his business and then got cancer. We helped them out the best we could for 3 years. So I understand your frustration.

Are you saying your parents are both in debt or the siblings are both in debt?

MrCleveland · Post by **MrCleveland** » Fri Nov 26, 2010 10:15 am

Originally posted by Paisleegreen:
I'm sorry to hear that Mr Cleveland. It sounds like you are the grown up around there! I had to rescue my brother and family when he lost his business and then got cancer. We helped them out the best we could for 3 years. So I understand your frustration.

Are you saying your parents are both in debt or the siblings are both in debt?

Just my parents. My mom is afraid that she'll lose the house and she feels hopeless.

New Years Resolution...I'm just letting my parents figure this one out! I can't even help them because I'll say something TOO extreme!

Paisleegreen · Post by **Paisleegreen** » Fri Nov 26, 2010 4:38 pm

Mr Cleveland, $8,000.00 to me is not very much to get caught up on. Although I don't know their financial circumstances. It might be easier for you to help them get caught up or make a deal with the bank. Then to have them be reliant on you after they lose the house.

Does your father still work, I can't recall if you mentioned that. So that is why your father needs to sell things on Ebay to get some cash for the house payment.

Sometimes, your parents might overreact or react to whatever you suggest, but they have to hear the "bad" news or the reality and then they hopefully will calm down and see what they can do. It will be hard, but doable. My SIL after helping my brother and his family out, holds a good job now and is supporting herself and my brother.

My brother does get disability due to his cancer, and they lost everything they worked hard for. But he is alive and they are together. Its been really hard.

When first starting out my husband bought a business that we just ended up paying the banks for a "dead horse". It was very devastating to me. A real test in faith and patience and it tried my character and my husband's as well as family. It is a long story...but sometimes adversity strengthens us if we handle it right.

This just might be your parents test to get their lives in order. Unfortunately, you get to help them. ;o) I can see why you are so frustrated. Hang in there...we're here for you.

paislee

MrCleveland · Post by **MrCleveland** » Sat Nov 27, 2010 12:59 am

^The thing is...I have no money to give them.

The scenario is, my dad's asphalt business lost an account from someone so he couldn't work with them anymore, so he works for small places like residential driveways, but since he wound-up in a hole...they now are flat broke and couldn't pay the insurance. So his business may not be there next year and they may have to sell the El Dorado...the car that they used on their wedding day!

I would suggest if my own parents lose the house...live with my uncle, I'm almost tempted to see a Fortune-Teller and ask what their future holds as well as mine since my parents basically took my future away.

Paisleegreen · Post by **Paisleegreen** » Sat Nov 27, 2010 7:37 am

Well, that is sort of what happened to my brother. He got into a business that he worked for and the owner sold it to him. My brother really didn't know how to handle a business. He has always worked for someone else. Anyway, hi wife left her job of several years to do the books.

Then due to losing one account, it put them in a hole or a bad way, he then started to gamble to save it. But we all know what happens when you do that. In the meantime he received an inheritance from my Dad and also from the MIL.

Then more things happened and they came out of a bankruptcy and able to buy a house in a new city where it was cheaper. But he still had the gambling problem. Finally he was put on anti-depressants in time for him to bring home some money and have a good family relationship before his cancer showed up. Fortunately, he worked long enough at the new job that he had health insurance.

Then we came into the picture. We own our business and worked very hard for it and we were able to move them to be near the right hospitals for a cure and we housed them.

So they pretty much lost everything they worked for but have eachother. It is a hard thing and we don't help them anymore financially. I didn't get my an inheritance, due to miscommunication on my father's and other brothers' part.

I've had to "suck it up" and it has been very painful. But my father was there to help us out when we had difficulty with our first business. We have paid my father back for his help and I took care of him in his last days and made sure his house was ready to sell and my siblings all got an inheritance. My father did tell my brother's that he forgave the debt we owed him, but due to his illness didn't quite relay that to me while I cared for him and he forgotten that we had paid him back.

So nothing was documented for my siblings to see, except for all the checks he cashed from us and the fact that we own the house we are living in. We had to have a good business to qualify for a loan to turn the house over into our name. But by the time I figured this out and got brave enough to tell my siblings, they had already spent the money.

I guess this is a matter of your family all pulling together to save the business and sacrificing the car and whatever else. A smaller home if needs be. Because your Dad is still young and has an established business and the equipment. I think you guys can turn it around.

Or he might have to work for his competition like my brother ended up doing. That's how he was able to get the health insurance.

Besides our help, other people came out of the woodwork to help my brother. But this is what life is all about. It is about relationships, that's all you have left when everything else is gone.

I know it is painful, when one of my sons got married, this brother that we helped for over 3 years. They didn't come to the wedding. They only needed to drop by for 5 minutes and be on their way. I didn't have anyone on my side of the family come to his wedding due to them being out of town and my son picked a weird day and time.

But the one local brother that we helped move to our state, and took care of didn't come to the wedding. So it hurts.

What is your future that you are expecting from your parents. Their inheritance or the business?