Post
by dazyrose » Sun Nov 21, 2010 1:41 am
Hi Mr Cleveland, I am sorry for your disappointments with your parents and your feelings of taking whatever is handed to you.We parents can be and are not what our children would always like.Can I just say,'we don't have handbooks' on parenting and this is the most difficult job there is in life besides marraige, to me.I am 57 and have no contact with either my son of 24 or daughter of 28.We made plenty mistakes with our children however, they are old enough now to make their own choices and need to be resposible for the choices they make.These choices are not what we taught our children as they grew up in our home.I do believe we did do some things right and gave them some tools in life that are the right ones to live by.As they know them they are refusing to live by them.These tools were not just our tools but tools of life.We did try to prepare them as much as possible.We were not the perfect parents.I would like to meet those perfect parents.No matter what mistakes we made while they lived at home,we loved them with all of our heart.We gave them opportunities as much as possible within our capacity.My dad was abusive,and my mom-detached.My childhood was not pleasant.I too, had to go the 'school of hard knocks.'We have not heard from our daughter in 3 yrs. this second time around.The first time,was 5 yrs. before we heard or even knew where she was.Our son is basically plyaing Russian Roulette with his life and we had to disconnect with him.All that he is doing was taking me out,emotionally,physically,mentally,and spiritually.We played his games by his rules as we thought we were doing the right thing.However,this was doing us no good nor our son.We still love our adult children and would be there to support them when and if they are willing and wanting to make some changes.In short,I grieve over the mistakes we or I made with my childern as maybe your parents do or will.Sad to say,there is no perfect family--parents and children here on earth.This is a fallacy.It is a good thing you are in this program as I am sure you will be greatly helped and find healing as we all are looking for.Stay with the program.Remember,expect less and get more as Lucinda instructs.This will take the pressure off of you to have your high expectations that your parents are not able to meet and you will be pleasently surprised when you when you see what comes out of this.You have your parents there,eventhough,it doesn't meet to your expectaions and you have dissapoinments,enjoy what you can have with them.It isn't that they don't love or care for you, they are doing the best they can with what they have as you yourself may find when you become a parent.We wish as parents that we could take all the pain away but that is impossible.That is how we ourselves learn and for the better.I do wish you the best.It could be that when your parents see your healing a dominoe effect may happen.Who knows? Keep doing what you are doing--one foot in front of the other and one breath after the other.Hears to your life of healing.I hope this give you a different perspective and help. You are getting better with each day.
