Afraid I might fail

MsKye · Post by **MsKye** » Sun Jan 02, 2011 4:51 pm

I suffer from anxiety and depression. I have good days and bad days. Over the past year, its been more bad days. But over the past couple of weeks I've been feeling more positive and happy. I just listened to half of the 3rd session so I'm not even half way there. But a week ago I was presented with an opportunity to go back to school for something I really love. However, I know that if my depression worsens or if my anxiety becomes overwhelming, each day of studying with be extremely stressful. I'm so afraid to set myself up for failure. So, I'm wondering, should I wait until I've gotten through the program? or should I suck it up and dive in?

justme1977 · Post by **justme1977** » Mon Jan 03, 2011 5:18 am

Hi MsKye,

I think you should dive in now. Schooling is not easily obtained and if you have the means to go now you should.

I know full well how depression and anxiety can cripple you, and normally cannot climb out of mine enough to give anyone else encouragment but today I feel ok so I decided to reply to your post.

I hope you go for it so you can enjoy the career you are passionate about, and if you ever need a boost, the people on these forums ive conversed with are so great and understanding and will give you support anytime you need it.

vickiB · Post by **vickiB** » Mon Jan 03, 2011 9:25 am

Well I also agree that you will have encouragement from the other members of the forum. I can understand your apprehension at making a commitment to the challenges of going back to school, but I have a feeling that you will get so much momentum going once you are immersed in the process, that you will be energized and motivated much more that you will feel overwhelmed and discouraged. I can tell you that "opting" out of challenges isn't the answer. That just leaves you feeling "flat". (I've been in that situation and I am working my way out because it isn't the answer and just leads to a blind alley that doesn't look very welcoming or promising in any way.) Look at the prospects in front of you and I would encourage you to allow yourself to entertain the idea of a new future that you can take manageable steps to work toward. That sounds "do-able" to me.

MsKye · Post by **MsKye** » Mon Jan 03, 2011 5:23 pm

Thank you Justme and VickiB. I do not want to avoid this challenge. I'm eager to jump right into it but I know myself all to well. If I commit to something and my anxiety and depression are very active, every day is hell and then I eventually quit. The love and thrill that I had for my endeavor in the beginning goes away and I'm just left with anxiety and depression.
However, I'm not throwing in the towel. I am committing to this program. The completion of this program is going to be the proof I need to go ahead with this schooling. Not only that, but I believe this experience in itself will be extremely beneficial towards my education.

I'm scared though because I never stick with anything. I get bored, lose interest or mostly just get sick of the pressure and obligations which give me really bad anxiety. I guess if I can complete this program, I'll be more reassured that I'll follow through with an education.

Thanks for your support.

Paisleegreen · Post by **Paisleegreen** » Wed Jan 05, 2011 3:51 pm

Hi MsKye--I think as you work on the program and take care of your health and your child you will be able to work on your studies, but take "baby steps". When I returned back to college with 4 children, I had been married for 10 years, worked while being pregnant and did home studies. I knew that if I could do all that, I could go back fulltime with 4 kids and I was taking a full day of classes.

Although, I was a Senior in college when I went back to my to finish my degree, I felt confident that I would be successful. But I didn't suffer from anxiety or ever had a panic attack back then. Just experienced Post Partum Depression and S.A.D. but got that figured out before I went back to college out of state.

So we're here to cheer you on as you work on your goals. How are you feeling these days? P.

FrvrNumb · Post by **FrvrNumb** » Thu Jan 06, 2011 11:41 am

Hi MsKye, I understand how it feels to be afraid of the future. I am almost 40 and recently life has forced me to give up my career and start completely over! It's been very scary and I too have major fears about failure. The other day my husband came home from work and shared with me something he had heard on the radio. "People that never fail in their lifetime end up working for those that have failed many times" I think you should suck it up and dive in! Good luck!

vickiB · Post by **vickiB** » Thu Jan 06, 2011 1:18 pm

Hi FrvrNumb,
I have to tell you that the quote that you relayed from your husband: "People that never fail in their lifetime end up working for those that have failed many times" is like a GREAT, GREAT revelation to me. I am going to print that out and post it in various prominent locations in my home and work environment and make sure it is IN MY FACE every day!!! My goal is that it replaces all the circular, non-productive, what if I'm not perfect logic that keeps me so miserable and trapped!!! Thank you so much. It is a true inspiration to me. Make sure and thank your husband for sharing that, and thank you for passing it on to us here!!!

MsKye · Post by **MsKye** » Thu Jan 06, 2011 3:39 pm

I am going to work through this program - that part I know for sure. However, I am getting more and more excited about this class. I might start the schooling before I'm finished with the program but I would like to be further into the program so that I may have a better hold on and understanding of my anxiety and depression. So, I'm not going to dive in right now but I will do it in the near future. I really want to see this program make a certain amount of difference first.

Thank you all for your input and support.

vickiB · Post by **vickiB** » Thu Jan 06, 2011 3:50 pm

Absolutely! Sound reasoning on your part. You have my vote of confidence.

MsKye · Post by **MsKye** » Sat Jan 08, 2011 5:46 am

Thank you VickiB!