low self esteem anxiety and depression

[Ronnie 1981]

i have paranoia anxiety and depression. but my paranoia is really bad i feel that any body can read my mind and i think people r thinking bad things about me and it seems so real.plus on top of that i have anxiety and depression. so when i went out with my sister and my brother n law to costco and to the park it seemed like all the girls were looking at my brother n law.so that made me feel so unattractive and you can say i felt jealous but i dont want to feel jealous.it make s me feel like this evil ass perso.then it made me feel really guilty than my paranoia kicked in and i couldnt even look or feel comfortable looking my brother in law in the eye cause it felt like he could read my mind? on top of that i was also feeling anxiety too that everybody wcould see my discomfort so it made me really angry i had the paranoia already and the anxiety on top of it.why couldnt i just be happy for my brother n law and accept that most of the girls were looking at him and be happy for him?i have depression too and low self esteem how do i stop these feelings of feeling jealous towards all my guy friend s and guy family members and then feel guilty of it.i dont want to feel this anymore towards them because deep inside i really love all of them and want to love all of them.i dont want to feel like this.anymore it makes me really depressed and it makes me feel like im not worth it and girls will never find me attractive and never like me.i cant even look at a girl and say what i want to say without getting nervous or not being able to breathe because i feel like ill just embarrass myself or say something stupid.i hate it.im really alving person and i dont want to feel jealous anymore and just be acceptant girls r looking at my guy friends and family guy members.i feel worthless.i just want this vicious cycle to stop!