Stress Center Peer Support

Hi, I haven't been on here in awhile... mostly I've been doing pretty good. I'm doing a grad degree right now, and this semester I have been working with this girl, and my God, I apparently have a big crush on her. It's really gotten bad.. because it's like.. I can't eat hardly, I think about her all the time and get depressed and anxious for some reason, I guess because I'm not around her at the time, and I don't know what to do. I'm planning on trying to ask to hang out this week, I think theres a chance she likes me too, but it's really eating at me. I've never really had a crush before either because I don't ever remember getting like this over a girl. I mean, it sounds cute and whatever, but it's like, really affecting me, in that I have like constant anxiety/depression at the same time and can hardly eat and I don't wanna do anything. I just realized that it IS anxiety/depression, so I'm hoping that helps me deal with it. I've semi-finished the program and I am planning on listening to the 'tapes' again to help me. Has anyone else had this happen? Any suggestions?

The fear of rejection by the other person can bring on a great amount of anxiety. Especially, if you have not really felt this way about someone before. Just relax, breathe, and become friends, hang out with a group for a few dates and then move to the one on one date. Realize that she is just as nervous as you are and that you are both just people trying to find that soul mate.
Use the relaxation tape a few times, relearn the techniques and then allow yourself to enjoy these new feelings. No matter how it ends up, you will benefit from just experiencing the feelings and emotions of a new relationship. Good Luck and Enjoy!

Yeah.. I didn't think it was a fear of rejection, but whenever I think that well, it seems like she likes me too, I relax a little. But yeah, I couldn't just become friends with her, that's kind of what I already am. I'd like to just find out if she likes me too, and then I feel like I would settle down. I really feel like I should enjoy these new feelings like you say, because it does seem like she likes me with some of the things I think about, but nothing obvious. If she doesn't like me at all, it will be kind of just.. I guess hard because then I will feel like I don't know how to read girls at all. I was going to like, kind of find out what she likes to do or what her interests are outside of school work cause that's basically all we have talked about. Man, yesterday was rough, I felt like just calling her because I was freaking out, but that would not have been a good idea. Thank god I was able to call someone and then listen to the sessions. It was kind of a relief to kind of figure out that it was mostly me just freaking out at these feelings, at first I thought having a crush meant that you had anxiety attacks and didn't realize they even were anxiety attacks. And then I didn't have much of an appetite being stressed about it, and then was freaking out that I wouldn't be able to eat.. thank God I remembered that I have anxiety and that's what it was.

man... okay... I'm pretty positive she doesn't like me that way now, and God it hurts. I texted her yesterday to ask how she was making out with an assignment.. and then again just like an hour ago I asked 'are you busy' because I was just gonna call her and ask about this one class and hopefully about other stuff. She hasn't gotten back to me at all, and it sucks. I thought yesterday maybe she doesn't like texting or like, something, and now I just think it's because she just doesn't like me in that way and prob thinks I like her now because of those. This sucks. Never thought I'd feel like this about a girl. I'm making myself sick over it. It's just like, these waves of depression and sadness come over me, and I don't know what to do. This is horrible. I really hope I can get through this. The thing is this wouldn't have worked out anyway because like, feeling like this because I'm not seeing her is ridiculous. I would never want to feel this again really.

You need to tell her how you feel and get it over with. You don't really know if she feels that way about you or not, and it's going to drive you crazy until you find out.

I've been thru this too, and I know it's nerve wrecking. Hope everything works out for you.

Yeah I agree... I just decided I'm going to have to. The thing is, I am also sick with some kind of stomach thing, and so is she apparently, and she has been for the last week or so and I think I caught it.. so that's somewhat of a relief... I thought I couldn't eat and felt sick only because I had a crush on her. But yeah.. I might call her tonight or something after class. She's really nice and I'm pretty sure it won't be too awkward after.. like we can still work together fine probably. Thanks for the advice.

One thing this program will teach you is how to not think that everything is about you. Have you ever texted her before? Some of my friends still don't have text messaging. Also, think about a time when you missed a text or phone call. Did you not reply because you didn't like that person? Probably not. You were probably busy, and so was she.

Aside from that, women usually know when guys like them. When I know a guy likes me (or even if I somewhat suspect it) and I DON'T like him, I will find some way to let him know I don't like him, whether it's telling him about a guy I like or telling him I have a friend I think he would like. If I DO like him, and I know he likes me, I'll ask him to hang out casually and then after that let him make the next move. If I DO like him, and I don't know if he likes me, I'll try to flirt with him in a non-obvious way until I CAN tell whether or not he likes me.

So my point is, unless she's talking about liking other guys or making up weird excuses not to be around you at all, I would do like someone else suggested and ask her out to hang out with a group of people.