Stress Center Peer Support

Hey everyone, or someone,
I have just joined the program I believe it will help. But i just want to know if there is anyone out there going thru what i am going thru. I guess I feel alone at this point. I was divorced almost 5 years ago, my ex and I have been in court almost every year. He is constantly fighting me for the kids or calling the cops on me or something with the kids. I don't even know what to do anymore. I think i should talk to the kids and tell them everything that has happened with us but than again i don't. I just feel so bad when my kids are not with me. Yet i know this is the life i will have to get used to, because this was my decision to get a divorce. Please tell me someone feels the same way. I believe most of my anxiety is coming from this, ans sometimes i just don't know what to do anymore.

Hello. I also had a not so pleasant divorce from my ex who I referred to for years as the "devil". May I ask how old your children are? Getting used to the time away from my children was extremely hard. I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't want anyone to think I was a bad mother if my children were not with my 24/7 after I got off of work. It does get easier with time. We have joint custody and rotate every Friday. I had to learn to keep myself busy during their time away. Use it to clean the house, go to the gym more often, etc. They know I'm their mother and even while they're away, they call me anytime they need me..the older they get, the more they understand and know "me" and see their father for who he is. I never had to trash him per say or tell them about what I endured in the past. My ex was physically abusive and cheated for years. He is still their father so I didn't want to go there, I was afraid it would have backfired. How he was awarded joint custody was beyond my comprehension, yet it happened,
so be patient, make the most of the time you have with them, and use the time they are not with you to strengthen you. Our children know and understand more than we think. My daughter just turned 18 in August and my son is 13. I love them more than life itself and they love me as well.

They know I'm their mother and even while they're away, they call me anytime they need me..the older they get, the more they understand and know "me" and see their father for who he is. I never had to trash him per say or tell them about what I endured in the past. My ex was physically abusive and cheated for years. He is still their father so I didn't want to go there, I was afraid it would have backfired.

This was such an important part of your reply that I felt the need to use this as a quote.

My first husband and I were divorced when our 2 children were 10 and 12 years old. We had made several promises to one another that if the day came we were no longer happy together we would work everything out to do as little damage to our kids as possible. The separation and divorce does enough, we knew this and so all we concentrated on was learning how to remain friends, not putting each other down in any way to our kids and after 21 years our kids are 32 and 34 and both tell me how much they appreciated the fact that their Dad and I went that extra mile to make it as easy as we could for them. I suffered through a nasty breakup between my parents when I was 12 and hated when my mother made me feel guilty about seeing my father. That was why I never wanted my kids to go suffer that way. It's so true that kids will eventually see the truth and it's then that you will reap the rewards of not saying anything negative about the ex spouse. My ex and I are good friends still and it has only been a blessing all around.
I really wish you the same peace in your divorce. If you can talk to your ex and try to let him see that the kids are innocent, love both of you and that a rough divorce is just making them hurt far more than need be. I truly feel your pain and wish you all the best with your situation. The old saying seems to hold truth..WHAT GOES AROUND, COMES AROUND...EVENTUALLY!!

God Bless, Be Good To Yourself & Enjoy Your Wonderfull Children. They grow up so fast.

BEST WISHES!!!!