meltdown

shimdan · Post by **shimdan** » Sun Oct 26, 2008 10:04 am

I have got to lesson 10. Had some rough spots but could see and feel changes than bam!! I just have gone under it is like I am about where I was when I began. My self talk is rattling my brain. Have gone back to lesson on self talk but it is like yeah right you are just deceiving yourself with all this mumbo jumbo. What is going on? Is this just a bump on the road to recovery? Has anyone gone through this late in the lessons?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Oct 26, 2008 2:46 pm

I'm on lesson seven and I too have experienced the letdown of just hitting a wall almost inexplicably. I did go back and redo lesson three and at times I have felt that it wasn't really helping, but I realized at the time that this is just the negative thinking that sneaks in and tries to take over. Sometimes when nothing seems to be working to lift me out of it, I rely on one of the most important things that I have learned thus far: That it is going to be OKAY and that it will definitely pass...it always does. Also the idea of floating through has been helpful, in other words let go, don't engage in a useless desperate struggle to get past what amounts to be such a relatively short time. It will pass! and you will be back on track..Take care

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Oct 26, 2008 10:37 pm

I also been going thru depression cycles for 10 years now. It's like I go into this type of hibernation…waiting for the opportunity and motivation to live again. I stop at lesson 8

And I want to continue, but I've been feeling with no motivation what so ever for about five months now. All I do is stay awake all night, try to sleep as much as I can during the day and hope for the moment to come when magically I will feel great. I started counseling sessions for the very first time. It's once a week for about an hour, with a very nice lady who is a trainee and I don't know what to expect. Best wishes for everyone!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Oct 27, 2008 9:44 am

Hi, Shimdan. Yes, I have gone through the same thing late in the program. Let me tell you the details, because then you will not feel like you're the only one, or that something is wrong with you. I went through the program on my own, got to around lesson 10, and had a panic attack when I had to read a short paragraph in front of a few people. All I had to do was read, for Pete's sake! I had never panicked over THAT activity before, and I felt that I was getting worse, not better, even though I was doing the program. So I decided to try the coaching. All during the coaching I kept saying to my coach, "I feel like this is all smoke and mirrors, I'm just kidding myself, I'll never get better, I'll always slip back to how I was, and be even worse off, because now I know that nothing can help me!!!" But my coach was able to reassure me, just as the people on this forum reassure one another, that it is just the anxiety raising it's (ugly) head once again. Anyway, I went through the whole program with my coach, and right after I finished, I had ANOTHER panic attack... a major one, in a doctor's office, no less! So, now I'm really feeling that I'm just doomed to have anxiety and depression all my life. But, I took the program to heart. I went back and reviewed the lessons that I needed to look at again, and lesson 3 on self-talk was one that I went back to MANY times. So, this brings me to today. After completeing the coaching, they recommend a two week information vacation, and then they say to go back and do the program again. So, right now, I am just about to start lesson 15; so you can see I am almost done (again). I have gotten books that have been recommended on these posts, and I am reading those, too. It is hard work. At times it is a struggle for me to stay positive (that's mostly due to the depression, not the anxiety), but I am committed to getting better. And I am better! I have not had an anxiety/panic attack in a while now, and I try to keep the stress from getting to the point that anxiety and depression come back and hit me again, supposedly, "out of the blue". If I have learned anything, I have learned that I am the only one who can do anything about this. I have to be diligent and persevering and keep moving forward, regardless, and especially when I have setbacks. Right now, I don't anticipate any setbacks, But if they happen, I know (from learning through this program) what to do. Please believe me when I say that if I can do this, you can too. You just have to think, believe and know you can, take all the lessons and tools that they give you here, and just do it! I wish you the best, and would like to hear how you are doing.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Oct 27, 2008 10:06 am

Some excellent insight and advice here, and I imagine my reply could be a repeat of the same information so let me try to offer my experience: When I make a decision that I cannot change, I can be sure I am not going to change. By telling myself will always be a certain way, I am giving myself permission to remain unchanged. This program did work quite wonderfully for me. At about Session Three I suspended all that mind chatter about how bad I was feeling, or how bad my life was, etc. I put those thoughts on ice and spent some extra time on Three. Then, I continued on through the program. And I overcame a serious clinical depression by simply doing the program, session to session, as the guidebook instructed. No magic, no tricks. Just hard work. I encourage you to keep at this. Put your self defeating thinking on ice and work your sessions, one at a time, doing EVERYTHING the guidebook instructs you to do. You will be better, a little bit, every day. What is better? For me, I knew I was getting MUCH better when I had a personal crisis and I was able to get through it with a healthy attitude, and I did not slide backwards. I forget which session I was on at the time, but I did not stop. I just did MORE.
Please put your trust in your own strength and courage, and know that you can do this, too. Best wishes.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Nov 01, 2008 5:32 am

Thank you so much for all your responses. IT helped me see that some things that were going on yet not to totally panic. Also I became aware of some really negative behaviors I was still doing because of fear of rejection and how I let certain situations trigger the negative thoughts. Anyway thanks again.