Stress Center Peer Support

I wanted to share my story to get some insight into what is going on here. I'm kind of low right now so I figure I might as well share it with you guys.

I first started the Attacking Anxiety & Depression program when I was 17 or 18 (I'm 22 now). I don't know what was going on in my life at that time, I guess I just wasn't handling stress well and I started having panic attacks every day and depression followed.

My parents bought me the program and I know it says there is no magic on/off switch but that's what it seemed like. As soon as I started it, my panic attacks vanished and the depression dissipated. So I didn't finish it. I got about half way done and then I just stopped because I felt better.

Lately I have been facing a lot of changes in my life. My fiance owns his own business and is having trouble paying off his business loans so we have made the decision to accept a job my Dad got for him at a mine (he won't be underground thank goodness) eight hours away where my parents live. He is getting a friend to look after the business and he is still going to manage it but he is going to make so much money at the mine that he can pay off his loans in a year or two, so we decided to move up.

We're moving into my parents basement, which is basically like a fully finished apartment. And I love my family and am lookig forward to being close with them again.

About three weeks ago my fiance and I were out of town and had a fight that night. The day we drove back I had a panic attack in the car. I took it as a wake up call that I had to start the program again, so I did. Then I was fine, happy and excited and everything.

Until about a week ago. All of a sudden this huge depression just came up on me, seemingly out of nowhere. I feel like I am just coasting by my days, trying to avoid slipping into a deep rut of depression. I'm not suicidal but at times I feel alone and cut off from everyone, and I feel like this is NOT me. I am scared of this feeling.

I went to the doctor yesterday she put me on Celexa just to get through this rough spot. I hope it kicks in soon. Yesterday was alright, I managed to avoid going deep into a rut of depression using positive self talk, but I still feel sad and not like myself.

Why do you think I am getting depression all of a sudden when I usually just had anxiety? If I told my friends I had this they'd be so suprised because I am normally such a joyful person.

I just want to be back to normal. But it's really hard.

Mandy first off take a breath...the world is in an economic depression and its hitting many hard as its hitting you! Your not to blame and there isnt much more you can do than what you are doing so know that its gonna be ok....Everything always works out. Change usually brings on episodes of stress/depression and life is constantly changing. Its very common to feel overwhelmed and lost in times of negative change. You did right reopening the program. I do that as well when I feel like Im missing something and thats all it is...your just forgetting to do the things you already know.

Positive self talk, eat correctly, balanced sleep and excersise habits. All this gets a bit out of sorts to say when things get hectic in life. I know its hard to argue with our spouses or partners or family but it happens...its not the end of the world arguments happen and its ok. This too will pass. As people with anxiety/depression we tend to think in absolutes and we constantly set these ridiculous expectations that just cant be met. Expecting never to have arguments or missunderstandings is just not realistic and its ok you will work them out. OF course it brought on some panic no one likes to have conflict.

All of what your feeling is very normal when your in a change in life and thats all this is...a setback. Dont let it scare you...expect to feel a bit anxious and sad and know that it will pass as this change in your life improves.

Try to find the bright side to the situation your in. At least your fiance has an option to go make the money to pay for the other business, and you do have the ability to move into your parents home for the time being so try to find the good and see if being gratefull for that helps your mood in anyway.

<span class="ev_code_RED">Mandy, you may FEEL ALONE, but in this program & forum, you will find you are NOT ALONE. </span>I wrote another member awhile ago & CONGRATULATED her for having the ability to SEEK help at a YOUNG AGE as you are too. (I'm 43, and if I'd HAD this program at 22 I would NOT have the regrets of wasted years!) I can RELATE to your PANIC attack after your fight.(My husband SAYS he TRIES to understand my anxiety/depression, but I KNOW he's so SELF- CONSUMED that it's impossible for him to relate!) Anyway, I OFTEN experience a panic attack during and/or following a fight or confrontation with my husband. MANY others...mostly women I believe....experience it MORE, because WOMEN tend to be "people pleasers" and like to keep the peace. All too often (sometimes UNconsciously) we tend to internalize things that go wrong as OUR fault.<span class="ev_code_BLUE">As for the DEPRESSION....as I said about the anxiety/panic, YOU ARE NOT ALONE in this feeling either. Over the past 3 months I HAVE contemplated suicide, and at times felt as though I was LITERALLY on the verge of a nervous breakdown! I can tell you this.....I'VE BEEN DOING MORE PRAYING THAN EVER BEFORE, BECAUSE I KNOW THAT I AM HERE FOR SOMETHING!!! And I INTEND to find out WHAT that something is !! THAT's what keeps me going.</span><span class="ev_code_RED">---When you get down, REMEMBER that YOU TOO ARE HERE FOR A REASON, and as I said EVERYONE on this site is on the journey with you!!! You're going through a LOT of changes now (I am too) and CHANGE will ALWAYS bring on anxiety......it's NEVER easy........but KEEP COMING BACK TO THE FORUMS FOR SUPPORT!!</span>

This is all new and a bit scary. I took a leap of faith and ordered the program. It arrived yesterday. I have sufferred from depression since I was 20 years old. I am now 55. I have tried all the ways you can imagine to change the way that I feel, from alcohol and drugs to psychiatry and anti-depressants and therapy. This year has truly been the worst. I am going through a divorce, my daughter left for college, I am back working full time for the first time in 7 years, my mother is not well, my husband was my best and only friend and I miss him I miss my daughter, and now it's the holidays. Everything is changing. I openned the program, watched the Jumpstart DVD and was torn between hope and hopelessness. I am trying to be grateful for the things that are good. I have a job, a roof over my head, transportation, enough money to pay the bills.
I am willing to give this program a chance. That is a huge step for me.

Has anyone found that eliminating sugar and/or caffiene really helps to lessen the depression or anxiety? I am having trouble giving it all up but am working on it. I also was wondering if in addition to the change of environment and circumstances, if Mandy is consuming the sugar, white flour, caffiene, etc again? I have gone back and forth for years being ok or not all the way to suicidal. When I start going down I always reached for sugar, especially chocolate. I never before had the option to go to these theraputic cd's. I am trying to redirect myself now and to believe it will get better. Also, even though I know better, I tend to turn from God instead of to him when things start going downhill for me. Then after awhile I turn back to Him and get better. Right now I am in a downward spiral which is also pulling me away from the cd's. Guess I need to go listen while I am in the aware zone. Good luck to us all.

What worked for me is one word "GRATITUDE".

It is absolutely impossible to be depressed if you are grateful. Think of things that you are grateful for and being depressed will become an impossibility.
Depression is a result of thinking and concentrating on bad things of the past and/or dread of what the future may bring. Instead be thankful and concentrate on today and what you do have rather than what you don't or can't have.

MANDY,
You are probably experiencing situational depression which is totally normal for everything you are and have been going through. Your brain chemistry is not as it should be and that is not your fault or something you have immediate control over. Your neurotransmitters don't have an adequate supply of serotonin, norepinephrine or dopamine or some combination of the three. You may need medication temporarily along with this program and therapy to get you through this. Don't beat yourself up for that. Kudos to you for seeking help and I hope your medication kicks in soon for you. Keep in mind that there are many antidepressants out there and it may take some time to find the right one for you. Don't give up. Pay attention to details such as fatigue or other uncomfortable side effects that don't dissipate after three weeks or so. Celexa made me very tired, a lot of them do. Please send me a private message if you would like to talk more. I also understand about overwhelming money problems and having to depend on other people and the sense of hopelessness and powerlessness it creates.
Take care and hope you feel better very soon,
Debc