Stress Center Peer Support

The past 3 days I have felt like my old anxious, obsessive depressed self i was 3 months ago.I started taking anti depressants and started to feel better. Didnt obsess nearly as much and when i did i could get over it fast. Well The other day I got a panic and felt like i would stop breathing. I had not felt that feeling in months! It scared me to death and now i feel traumatized from it and the obsessive what if thinking is back like before. Im so worried. Im worried about being worried too. Im what ifing about going back to how i used to be. That was the worst time of my life and im scared its going to happen again and last for months and months like before. My anxiety and depression and obsessive thinking has bot been this bad since taking my meds. Im afraid that what if my meds stopped working or what if i need to up my dose? I am sad that i cant see my dr because i cant afford it. I dont have health insurance. Can i page her and ask her about it possibly?? The obsessive thinking and panic makes me SOOO depressed i dont even want to leave my apartment. Will this last as long as last time? WHy am i feeling this??? I do have sever pms and am a couple days away from when i am supposed to start so i am thinking my hormones played a part in this but now i am left frightened and worried and now my mind wont stop racing with thoughts of going back to my old ways because that is how i feel. I f i knew this wouldnt last long than i would be okay. i would just try and deal with it . the thing is i know me worrying about this is making it ten times worse but its like a cycle and i cant seem to stop worrying about it because i think "well its just gonna come back" and that is exactly how i used to think so its freaking me out so bad. Can anyone else relate???

Holly, I am soo the same way.
I have never fully recovered from it yet..its really seems like everytime things go good, things go bad again..but its life, things will never be perfect. I am always scared of everything, and things I shouldnt obsesse over I am. Why? Its our stress and panic disorder. You have to think about how you did it before..I did you help yourself get over the panic attack. You need to do alot of self talking.(positive thoughts) I know its very very hard to do, because you kinda feel like you are in a rut, but the more you try and do it, the better it will become. Im sure alot of ppl w/our problem go through this,so know that you are not the only one. That sometimes helps me too. but you will not go back to your old ways. You will be fine. Just rmemeber to stay positive, and positve self talks. Every morning and every night. You have a reason for living. God says This is the day that God has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it. Plus when its around my time of the month..I have major major anxiety and panic..But I try really hard to say okay. You know why you are feeling like this, just calm down..and it usually does. I also think that when you have stress disorder for so long, that depression comes w/it. and its really hard to feel good again, cuz its like you will never get out of it, but I promise you will Holly. I know I rambled alot..sorry. Maybe it helped? I will be praying Holly.

Holly,

You are not alone in the way you feel. It will pass - just take it one day at a time and treat each episode of anxiety or depression as it comes. I know how powerful the memories can be when you think about previous times of struggle - but you are getting better!!!! My favorite hymn says "strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow...." hang in there!!!

I just read someone's message about taking Vitamin E for regulating hormones...she was also taking other vitamins and exercising and getting some "sunshine" too - I haven't heard this about Vitamin E before, but maybe worth checking into.

Holly,

Unless we have a physiological cause for our problem meds can help, but they are not an end in themselves. It's great if meds can help us feel better, but our bodies and brains can adjust to the meds we take and we can have to take more for them to work or they may quit working over a period of time. Meds are not a panacea, the answer. We have to work on ourselves and seek to change how we think. That will bring lasting recovery and we won't have to rely near as much on meds, if at all. Ask yourself, "Am I still working with the program, still trying to master the skills it teaches?" Don't beat yourself up, but if you have stopped listening to the tapes, journaling, seeking to counter the negative thoughts, etc. I would suggest beginning to work with it again. This may be a growth spurt, tape 15.

You say if you knew this wouldn't last long you would be okay. Your words imply you have some self control over what you think. You don't know if this will last long or not but you are telling yourself and believing that it has come back and will remain with you. You don't know that, but it is what you are choosing to believe. Would you agree with that? Try telling yourself this is a growth spurt and that you'll get over it and try believing that. At the least, counter the thought, "Oh no, it's baaaaaaaack!!!!!", with the truth. You don't know what this is or why this is so don't jump to the catastrophic conclusion, i.e. worst case scenario, that this is how you will be "for months and months like before". You don't know that so tell yourself you don't know that and try not to buy into your fears which present the worst case scenario.

This is probably classic cognitive distortion, Magnification [Catastrophizinjg], Jumping to Conclusions, and probably Emotional Reasoning and some All-or-Nothing Thinking. Dr. Burns' books explain what these are with examples. Learning to recognize them in ourselves can help us see the distortions in our thinking and help us recover.

I also have days just like this. What I try to remember for those days is that I can't spend today worrying about tomorrow. You had 3 months of feeling great. Try to focus on that instead. It may help to calm you.

Just a thought.

Sending peaceful feelings your way.